Austintistic

Kudos, Deserved

2012-01-17T22:39:00.003-06:00

Kudos, Deserved

After some much needed time away from the keyboard I try tonight to knock off the rust and get back to sharing the backlog of stories I have for my follow-up effort. Over the last two months I have focused my efforts on finishing my book proposal and all the other things that go into making a book so you one day can get the actual product in your local bookstore or on your Kindle, Nook or iPad. Little did I know as I spent time sharing these stories what would happen as I pounded out these moments residing in my heart and on my brain…

Writing a book is easy. I jest a bit, but truth be told, it is. Well, it was at least the actual writing part. Over the last several months I have been putting together the package- proposal (kind of like a business plan), the appropriate documents and letters. All to secure representation and ultimately put it all together to be sold to a major publishing label in New York. This has all taken what seems like almost as much time as the writing, but for sure it has been the much more frustrating and challenging part.

Of course the writing, putting the stories together and choosing what I want to blog about and share is not easy. But it was challenging and invigorating. I found out something I knew nothing of- that I really enjoy writing and why I continue to blog and write the second part of Austintistic.

The name has changed. Many people want to know how it is going. What’s the status and when can I buy it. And now I know something… it takes a long time to get from A to Z when you sit down to write a book. All I can tell you right now is that I hope we can see it in stores this year sometime and hopefully sooner than later. And a lot of that depends on how able and strong a package I have put together for the folks who want the privilege of taking my “baby” and bringing it to market. And I do believe that. I see my stories as ones that people want and maybe even need to read, therefore, I want the best person and publishing house that will take it and run with it and help me make it a winner. And for me the definition of success will be the number of people I can touch, advocate for and even educate. The better my book does, the more I can advocate.

I had no true idea what I was getting into four years ago as I started to jot down little snippets of incidents and events our family had been through over the years. I suppose I was starting a diary in my mind that would possibly be therapeutic for me. The stress, frustration and challenges we faced had been in our face from day one and what better a way to deal with them than write them down and relive them.
Tough times and good times.

So I did.

And a slow burn ensued. I wrote the notes down and added them to a spiral I kept in my bag. But nothing earth-shattering or enlightening happened until the day Austin broke his leg the same day he has just gotten a cast off of his right arm. The day my brother Kevin asked me if I ever thought our luck was something real or were we being repaid for something. He asked me if I had ever thought of putting more into it and telling people about it. You know… truth being often-times stranger than fiction. But I didn’t really get rolling. I put more notes in the book. But more than anything I was really just cataloging my thoughts. For what, I was not sure.

And then I read a random blog. I don’t even recall what it was about. But it got me thinking. So I learned about blogs. Once that happened it all came crashing together and has led me to where we are today.

What I was not prepared for was the effect it, the whole journey, has and continues to have on me. Over the past two years I haven’t given much time or thought as to what this path has done for my mind let alone soul. Only now am I really starting to comprehend and understand how this process has touched me. Just as it has done that something else has happened… people have touched me. I have new friends and relationships. I have learned. I have grown. I have stumbled and I have persevered. Something has happened and it is profound.

In the end and today as I sit here tapping away in my hotel room what I am thinking about are all the people whom have touched my life over the last few years. To date all but a couple of posts have been about specific moments in time. They were stories of me, Austin Logan, Teresa…our family. But before I get my next story (I have about 15-20) ready to go I wanted to share with you some of the people who have stepped into my life. Some have come crashing in as you will see and others have kind of slipped in the side door. But these are all people I am sure you would all love to know.

My blog is not about products, services or offers, and it will continue to be just that. However, over the past six months I have gotten countless offers to review a book, screen a documentary or movie, check out some diet-specific products or even join in a political cause for special needs. And I have hesitated and rejected them all. But I can’t deny and ignore some of them any longer so I want to share some of them and as you will see they are not about selling anything. They may have a book a movie or a product, but what is important is what they have done to me and what impact I see them having on the world, however small the way.

I share with you some fine human beings who have touched my life:

Virginia Breen and Elizabeth Bonker – Virginia (Ginnie) Breen was a venture-capitalist and deal maker for years on Wall Street. She lives in New Jersey and now has a wonderful family with three children; two are profoundly affected by autism.

One fateful day after some routine immunizations her daughter Elizabeth lost all ability to communicate. At least verbally. Their book I Am In Here is a wonderful story the two of them wrote. The book is written with Ginny’s words and Elizabeth’s poetry.

The makeup of the words and poetry make for a story that is delightful and at times remarkable. She replays some of the stories of dealing with school systems and politics which has touched me too as we currently navigate those waters.

Ginnie has shown me through reading the story and talking with her that we can all learn. I have not really taken a stance and for sure tried to not get controversial on my blog but I learned something from Ginnie. While immunizations may not be the devil or root cause of autism…some kids like Elizabeth I feel may be hyper-sensitive to these types of vaccines which truly look like the causative factor in the change in her daughter.

One part of her book hit me right between the eyes. I will paraphrase, “There are two types of teachers. The first being ones who will generally see special needs children as problems to be endured. The other will see them as treasures waiting to be unearthed.” Amen.

Marc Zimmerman – Marc is a friend and confidante. Marc is the father of twin autistic boys living in Southern California. He was frustrated with the lack of quality tools which met his boy’s needs… so he created his own. The Social Express is an interactive app for autistic youths which is now available on iTunes. Austin has had a great deal of fun navigating the tool.

What has surprised me the most was as a parent it showed me how regardless of the type of autism, social skills are still the hallmark and stumbling block for all affected children. The app is designed to help autistic children navigate all types of social situations in order to better prepare them for life as a contributing member of society. It will help them with the skills needed to create, build and maintain meaningful relationships. It may seem really basic but something as simple as looking someone in the eyes when they talk to you is a skill many autistics struggle with. The app shows you how to work on this and what it means.

The fact that politics and legislation, not to mention ignorance can have a chilling effect on progress and it is people like Marc who are taking charge and making a difference. With a condition like autism being one that often leaves me feeling like I am being dragged behind a car, Marc has turned things upside down and inside out and is in front of that car a leading the way.

Marc has shown me that it is people like him and other parents just like him who will make the difference and progress we so desperately need in the special needs community. He is a difference-maker and I thank him.
Find Marc and The Social Express at: www.thesocialexpress.com

Angie LoSchiavo/FlyPropeller and William Dear/Director – I have never reviewed a movie before. I have had several requests to look at documentaries and books and other things, but this was the first one that caught my eye and made me think. I was asked to pre-screen A Mile In His Shoes… which is a true story about an autistic boy played by Luke Schroder and starring Dean Cain of Superman fame.

The story of Mickey Tusler is about an eighteen year-old boy who is stuck on his farm with an enabling mother and gate-keeping father. All while Mickey has a special gift- he has a rocket for an arm but has yet to touch a baseball. He throws apples into an old bucket as his pet pig looks on and eats up the smashed curve balls out of the troth at the ground.

This is a touching story which subtly shows a couple of very significant things- it showed me something I know all too well: A father who is in full-blown denial and will not release his son to the world for the thought of him being hurt, humiliated or worse and the mother who enabled it all to continue. It shows the young man who learns to stick up to his father, face his fears and learn to be a part of something outside of his farm. All the while it shows the inner struggle Mickey has with making these decisions and the fact that so many unknowns and people just don’t know. They don’t know what autism is and he struggles with this. And Dean Cain plays the part of the small minor-league manager who takes a chance on an unknown only because he is at his wits end and a breath away from being fired. In the process he is enlightened.

Mickey made me think about some of the things I have encountered, endured and grown from. I think all people will like this movie. There is no violence, no sex and no bad language. What a concept. This is a wonderful movie which I hope makes one think.

A Mile In His Shoes premieres on GMT tomorrow. Here is a trailer if you want to take a peak.

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev2T0BFetH4 You may be asked to hit control/click.

Elaine Hall – Vista Del Mar, Vista Inspire Program – I had the privilege of speaking with Elaine a few months ago. She is a double-Emmy award-winning creator of the HBO documentary, Autism: The Musical. She is located in southern Cailifornia with her autistic son who was also featured in the documentary.

Elaine is a person who too is making a difference through her speaking, advocacy and education all over the country.

At the Vista Del Mar School she is part of the VIP- The Vista Inspire Program. This is a school which serves autistic children using music as the vehicle. Included in the VIP are also specific schools catering to Bar/Bat Mitzvah adaptions. They are in the process of adding another religious part of the program as well as a post-Bnai-Mitzvah program.

The school has helped thousands of special children throughout the state of California. To me it looks like a model for communities all over the land and they are blessed to have the interest, funds and hands to make this all possible.

It takes people like Elaine to do what she is doing to make the difference we need in the special needs world.

Barry Switzer – It has been a pleasure getting to know Coach Switzer. Beyond the obvious, football, many people don’t know what makes Barry Switzer who he is. I suppose I don’t know either but I do know something about him- He Gets It. Coach has been a part of the special needs community through the Special Olympics for almost forty years. This is something I am sure he doesn’t make much noise about and also something most people don’t know.

This came as no surprise to me. In all I know of the Coach one thing I have learned is that he has always, always been for the little guy. The struggling student or the needy young athlete trying to get out and off the streets. He has always been a giver.

I will never forget how he responded when I asked him why he did it. And I will paraphrase, “All special kids have the passion and potential. We need to get them out of the house, off the couch and involved. Most of the special kids I know have as much competitive drive and character as the greatest of athletes. We need to get them out of the house and unlock their hidden potential.”

I could write volumes about Coach Switzer but I will leave you with what I know… The Coach Gets It.

Ricky Robinson – She is the co-director of Descanso Medical Center for Development and Learning in La Canada, California. She is a Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the Keck School Medicine of USC and Senior Attending Physician at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles. She has been in private practice for over thirty years and working with special needs for more than twenty of those years.

Dr. Robinson is a founding board member of Cure Autism Now (now known as AutismSpeaks) and has devoted much of her life to helping children with autism.

I have had the pleasure of getting to know Dr. Robinson and I knew I liked her in the first five minutes as we chatted…she was born an Iowa girl, just up the road in Sioux City.

What I took away and impacted me in our first conversation was something very simple. It was something my friend Angie and I have spoken about at length. It was refreshing to hear her say the same thoughts. They were that she felt all kids should have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in our schools. Why shouldn’t we be creating and educating all of our children based on the needs they present? Creating a plan for each and every student to tap into their utmost available potential because every child IS different. Wow.

She enlightened me on her feelings of children and where we are going in the future in terms of education, advocacy and awareness. As connected and influential she may be with the media, the entertainment world and AutismSpeaks she admitted the number one thing we can do is at the community level- educating children, adults, teachers, educators and mentors alike. Getting a grand stage is obviously an important thing but to make meaningful changes it must take grass roots. These were the things we talked of and I couldn’t agree more.

It all begins at home. And again, Amen.

Kerry Magro – Seton Hall Graduate Student (completed undergraduate at Seton Hall- Deans List). 2011 United Nations Youth Representative and USA Today All-College Team. The list is too long to continue, but Kerry is an impressive young man… and he is autistic.

Kerry reached out to me a few months ago after he had become a fan of my blog. He is currently writing his own book about what it takes as an autistic student to survive in the world of college academics.

While finishing his graduate work he also writes a weekly blog for AutismSpeaks and was recently a consultant on the just released, sure-to-be hit movie Joyful Noise starring Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah.

He is active in New Jersey with autism legislation where he routinely speaks to political and academic groups alike.

What Kerry has shown me are the intricate details and often arduous path growing up in a school system which does not “get it” exists. He and his parents were at the forefront of advocating for their son as they broke ground, stepped on toes and took on “the man” in order to make change happen. I am sure I could talk to Kerry for hours about this alone.

I look forward to working with Kerry going forward. We both have some similar goals and our mission is all about the same thing: education and advocacy.

THE SCARY GUY - I write this in all upper-case because that is how he writes and I don’t want to make him mad. Just kidding. Scary, it is his real name, is one of my newest friends and I am proud to introduce him to all of my friends and readers. He is an exceptional human being and is making a difference in our world, every day.
It has always amazed me how the crossroads of life has put certain people in my path over the last four years. Scary is no different. A friend felt this was someone I needed to meet…and it happened.

He talks so much about the “container” we all are. We come in different shapes, sizes and colors…and that’s the way it is supposed to be. When I recently told my good friend Matt about Scary what did he do? He googled him on his iPhone as we spoke. I had not told him anything about Scary, just that I came in touch with this gentleman and I liked very much what he was doing- I liked his mission. And then he said, “Uhmmm. Uh, Scott? What are you doing with this guy? Are you sure you want to have him be a part of what you are doing?” I love my friend Matt, but all he saw was the container.

Scary is all about ridding the world of violence, hatred, and prejudice and bullying. He is all about inclusion, embracing all our differences and a world where we are ALL different and we are killing ourselves over it (because you’re fat, gay, a geek or disabled etc).

Scary is an amazing story and very colorful, duh. Please check out Scary- www.thescaryguy.com and be prepared to look at yourself in the mirror. I love it.

These are just a few of the people who have touched me as I write my books. This post needed to be written. There will be a time and place to thank all the people who are part of my team for the book and I eagerly await that day. Look for my next story in the next week or so. I have it roughed out and just need to finish it.

Until then……… make a difference.

Do you Get It?

2011-11-03T21:17:00.002-05:00

The Fight of The Irish

I tried sneaking into the room as stealthily as an old spy could muster (white-lie, I am not a spy, although it would be very cool). My destination was subterranean: the dark, cool and ever-musty basement. As luck would have it, the door, warped by that same humidity screeched and wailed as I pulled with all my might. Any chance of slipping in unannounced vanished like smoke into the ether. How he stayed asleep I do not know. And it wasn’t his two dark eyes that greeted me, but Mason’s, the one year-old Australian Shepherd staring into my eyes as the credits rolled on the 32-inch in the corner.

There was an eerie glow left in the room coming off the screen as the Columbia Pictures logo flashed by and faded to black. With it went the fog of subtle light that was just touching the open rafters, giving it an almost eerie and gothic touch. For some odd reason I blindly fumbled for the remote where I last thought it should be. I knocked over a half-eaten bowl of Ramen noodles, always his favorite food. My hand came to rest in what I thought was a bowl of Rice Crispies only to trip over Mason who decided I needed help. I landed on the bed which, of course, was where Logan lay. And he still slept on. I did find the remote- in his lifeless, limp hand.

My eyes had by now adjusted enough to just make out the white digits on the remote as I, for some reason felt curious, the need to explore. Even though it was well after midnight on a school night, I wanted to see what movie he was watching. I know what you are thinking… why didn’t he just turn on a light. The light was near the door where I had come in and in my stubborn, male, too-lazy-to-make-the-effort mentality I thought no, that would be too easy. Have you ever been in that state of mind where you just don’t, for some inexplicable reason want to do the easy or logical thing? I could have but in my stupor it just made too much sense.

So I sat on the edge of my sons bed with the smell of sweet-sour milk and Ramen beef juice permeating my senses at the same time one of my Uggs got stuck to the floor- I don’t even want to know. But I got to satiate my appetite for the curious and see what was so intriguing to Logan at this late hour.

I had noticed for several months that his television was turned on, muted each time I snuck downstairs (I will often sneak through the pantry and slide past the water heater to peek through a cranny and spy on him. Why I didn’t do this tonight?… I was on a mission and I needed inside his chamber.) Many of the nights I thought I had heard voices from within his lair but until tonight I hadn’t a clue- they were always gone by the time I appeared.

After trying about every button on the remote I was finally able to locate the menu. I mashed the button to restart the movie. RUDY. He was watching Rudy. Most excellent. One of my all-time favorite flicks starring Sean Astin as the young Rudy Reutigger. The story of the blue-collar factory-working kid who knows that one day he will not only get in to his beloved Notre Dame but also don the helmet and pads to play football for the Fighting Irish… much to the annoyance and slight ridicule of his family and friends

It is a movie as much about perseverance as it is of the human spirit and intestinal fortitude of a kid facing a stacked deck. No one believed in him. No one supported him. It seemed like he even questioned his own higher power’s conviction. But in the end- he believed. Rudy believed in himself. He just knew. He fought and dug in and never gave in to the demons and the easy way out- not accepting what the cards said: you can’t do it, Rudy Reutigger.

Mysterious night-time curiosity quenched.

I shuffled to the door, only losing my balance one time on the errant drumstick left for me by the pile of dirty socks, a leftover Moon Pie and dirty running gear. I turned the light on and I looked at Logan, our youngest son. He didn’t stir. Mason sat on the big round yucky-nasty green chair and I swear he almost winked at me. He is such a sweetie. I tousled his hair, then Logan’s and said goodnight to the both of them. As I walked out I turned and lightly squeeged the door shut just enough to hold it and Mason in place for the night and I headed upstairs.

For the next week I saw the same thing- black screen, rolling credits, Mason sitting up in his canine throne while Logan snored softly, rattling the corner room we call his dungeon. I intended to ask him about his fascination with the film the following day.

He never really gave me a clear answer when I prompted him. He just loves the movie and he wants to go to Notre Dame. So I find out that my then 8th grader has already narrowed his college choices down to either the Naval Academy or Notre Dame. I am so very cool with that. My friend Coach Barry Switzer couldn’t get an inch out of him when urged by the icon and him going to OU. If Coach can’t talk a kid into looking into Oklahoma while standing on the fifty yard line after running out of the tunnel to greet Barry… I surely have no chance of getting it done.

Since that day a few years ago it has been nothing but gold, navy and green in our house and for Logan, now armed with the fact that the Irish offers Naval ROTC, it looks like Notre Dame. I now have about three years to take out a second mortgage, get another job and have Logan save a lotta-lot of allowance money to afford about 55k a year for tuition. I will settle for him sticking to getting the grades (pretty much straight A’s) and all the other extra-curricular activities (he even recently started back taking piano lessons): cross-country, marching band, track, honor-band, praise band, honor-choir, school play, Mini-Singers… all to set himself up for a healthy, pocketbook-saving and dad-happy scholarship.

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy… Something told me this would not be the last time I would here these three words…

It has now been two years and Rudy is still center-stage in the dungeon of Logan’s world. Just the other night I slipped downstairs before I finished packing (I had a business trip I was leaving for the next morning) to check on my Cool Breeze, Logan. Sure enough, there he was deep in sleep as the young Reutigger charged on to the field in the first, only and last game he would ever play in. I let the film play on as Mason licked my hand and I navigated the minefield (the floor) of Logan’s world. I wonder what Mason thinks of the movie as he has seen more of it awake than his master.

I woke up a few hours later with the sun still buried in the eastern sky. And I was jetting west to sunny California where it (the sun) is never gone for long. Off to another company sales meeting. Where we are virtual prisoners in a Marriott with the SoCal weather and all it offers just beyond our grasp.

I will never understand how for as many years that I have been in sales, the meetings are normally in wonderful digs but the amount of time we actual get out to enjoy it is enough time for about a cup a joe. The sunny breezy California seascape stands just outside our reach, luring us through the windows by the atrium, taunting us to come take a taste, skip the meeting. A cruel offering of something we normally can’t sample until well after the sun has disappeared.

But this meeting would be very different.

Sure, we would have the requisite things that go with a team meeting at a Marriott: hard candies, row after row of chairs, breakout rooms, and room temperature… think morgue cold (they believe it will keep you awake) and speaker after speaker. All scrunched in-between three hotel meals that would make Richard Simmons wag a finger.

The meeting begins. It is 7:30 A.M. Pacific time and I am wedged between two of my dear friends: Cindy on the left and Matt to my right. There are about 200 people jammed in to the Marriott Grand Ballroom for the opening ceremonies. The flashing lights and thumping bass of the jams blaring come to a slow fade. And then you hear from somewhere on stage- Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. Huh?

Rudy Reutigger stage right

Goose-bumps can not describe the feeling pulsing through my body. Each hair is on end as if a cool breeze is slipping across my skin. Even my bald head, the minute stubbles are at attention for the amazement I am experiencing. I am sure my eyes are dilated as much as my mouth is agape. This can not be happening. I am sitting about thirty feet from, Rudy Ruetigger; an idol (Logan’s) and virtual nightlight (the movie) in the dungeon.

Earlier the prior night I had shared with my friends all about Logan’s fascination with Rudy and his desire to go to Notre Dame. I made the comment that I had tremendous respect for Mr. Ruetigger and I went on and on about how his story really drove me to take everything I am doing regarding my book and advocacy to the limit. I laughed and said how cool it would be to get to meet him some day. To me Rudy is the epitome of perseverance. And here he stands before me.

I am stunned.

My friends are “Oh My Goshing” as I sit transfixed to the man on stage.

Matt says to me, “Are you believing this, Scott?” This is just plain weird.

The thunderous ovation and whoot-woos die down and Rudy launches in to his life with verve and vivid nuance yet, the movie, however amazing it was, could only scratch the surface of what he was sharing with us today.

We were under a spell. Not of an academy-award winning actor giving a masterful and kitschy acceptance speech but of a regular guy talking from deep in his his heart. Genuine, real, inviting and engaging- all words that just asked you into his world for a walk in his shoes. He spoke of about his life, his dreams, his mistakes, and his mission and how he welcomed it all in and made it work. It was genuine from word one. It was one of those times where I knew I was listening to someone who was good in their own skin.

A little more than halfway through his talk he showed a video. It spoke to me; so powerful that I now have a copy of it on my computer. You may have seen or read the parable but it goes something like this: The little green frog falls into a deep hole. Too deep for him to jump out of. All of the other frogs scream for him he can’t do it, its too deep, he’s toast, sorry but you’re on your own, buddy. They are all screaming different and conflicting directions but it looks quite the doomed situation. They continued yelling as they slowly turned to walk away. As they were giving up on the dead-frog-jumping the little critter tried one last leap. He reached down and he launched himself like a rocket… up and right out of the hole, over all the other frogs’ heads and into the soft green grass beyond them.

You see, the little green frog, what he thought… he thought all the other frogs were screaming for him and giving him words of encouragement and praise (“We know you can do it. Jump hard! You can do it! This is what he saw and heard). He just knew they had faith in the mighty little runt of a frog. He had no idea the others were telling him no and that they were ready to leave him for dead. Sad as it was, they knew the little hopper would die in that hole.

The little frog was deaf.

He did not hear the “no’s” but instead saw a group who was cheering and supporting and loving him. He saw his friends telling him “yes”- we believe in you, Frog.

The point was palpable, more words, extraneous. As Mr. Reutigger was nearing the end he changed gears and posed a question. “Was I in the movie, Rudy?” he barked.

“Why, yes! Yes you were”, I shot back to him.

“Where was I and what was I doing?” he countered.

“You were in the last scene of the movie sitting behind Ned Beatty, your on-screen father. All of you cheering as Sean Astin, playing you, charged down the field to make that last amazing tackle.”

...and to find out the conclusion... the other four pages of the story (the really cool and important parts), sorry, but it will of course be in the stores one day soon.

In The Beginning...

2011-10-09T21:33:00.002-05:00

In The Beginning…

I would love to say that much has happened since the publication of the first book, but that hasn’t happened yet. I will instead let you know that now begins the second part of this journey. As we push ever-closer to publication it still shocks me to see everything which is occurring and revolving around this one book. I will get into the real meat of the post, In The Beginning, but first allow me to share a few housekeeping issues regarding what is going on, where I’m headed and my thoughts on moving forward.

I am still creating stories from the individual notes I jot down on my business cards. I find a few that seem to go together and then sit down at the computer, pound it out, hit spell-check and post it. What you then see on the blog is the extreme raw, abbreviated and uncut version of a story I want to tell. No revisions, no editing. It is still the same situation where I share a little bit about a few thoughts. This still kind of scares me since no one besides a handful of other people have actually seen the full stories and what will comprise the book. I really want to tell you that if you really liked the posts then you will be absolutely blown away by what is going to unfold in the book, but I won’t.

Of the 100 posts I completed in the first year or so I chose to write about 35 stories for the first book. A few of the actual chapters are ones where I found a few posts that may have been similar so I combined them. Of the remaining posts I have yet to use (about 40+/-) I have about 15 that I feel worthy of completing and placing in the next book. I also have about the same amount from newer ideas and notes.

I will not be writing as many posts running up to book two for various reasons. I wrote too much when I first started using the blog as a tool for my book. Writing weekly or more really took a toll on me and after stepping back I realized and thought about why I was writing and decided to slow down. But there is another reason. I want to share more of the personal and difficult things that go with living in a crazy family like I do. Please, if you know me you will understand that I use that description with total and complete humor and just a touch of literalness. Our family/life is a bit crazy.

I want to share more and I think after the first book makes it to market it will allow for me to show even more that up until now I have just not been comfortable writing about. I hope that makes sense.

The progress of the book is coming along with so many things happening at once. It kind of feels like a hundred-ton stone wheel. The kind you would see the cavemen rolling up a hill… taking a week to roll it ten feet… it is massive and ominous and it clips along at about a quarter inch a day. That is what the process feels like. So…so much happening all at once but some days I feel like we are going nowhere fast.

We have made incredible strides with the manuscript and I am confident and eagerly await the day it all comes together. With all I have said it has allowed me to see and feel that the energy is all there. All the rights pieces are happening and the critical mass is ready to come to fruition.I have goals and deadlines and assignments. Only now am I feeling and seeing the vast scope of things that goes into making a book. For a little over a year I have enlisted the help of an old friend to edit some of the early stuff and a new friend who has coached me and been an awesome mentor to me.

They have both been invaluable. I also have a mentor who in the literary world whom has opened my eyes to the task I have before me. I found out early on that writing a book… there could be no more a solitary and often lonely endeavor. But he has shown me how to put it together and get it working. Prior to meeting him I was on about a three month sojourn of sorts where I had no idea of which way my compass pointing. Actually it was spinning and I was struggling. I guess I never thought about what I would do once I was close to finishing the book. That was the fun part.

Writing the book, using the blog as a tool and interacting on the social networks has been meaningful, fun and useful… this was and still is so rewarding. Getting the book from “written” to the next steps ultimately being published is a crazy (there’s that word again) and daunting task. It feels very good to know I have people whom care about me, my stories and understand the “why” to what I am trying to do in the big picture of things.

Everybody on FaceBook, Twitter and all the other ways you have found my blog. I appreciate you all more than you know. The internet has made this something I can only imagine what would be without… horrible sentence, but I can make mistakes on the posts and I think you get what I was trying to say and I am too tired to fix it even though I just spent about 60 seconds writing this explaining it.

I hope my writing shares many things but more than any I want to let you know that my book is not and will not be a book about broken bones, a bad heart or autism. My book is about my son, his brother, my wife and me. The book is about our life where special needs and crazy things simply make for a very interesting backdrop. Sure, I talk plenty about those things but if you have read any of the posts you can see that I am trying to show that my family, living life on our life’s terms is what it is all about. All of the health issues make the stories I hope more real but how our life revolves, stumbles and gets up is the direction I am aiming for.

My book is a memoir. It is about how “I” see the things I am sharing with the world. Some or many of the things may not make sense to a loved one or close friend. That is fine. I don’t think a memoir could ever be told the same way by two different people. Teresa and I have gone back and forth on so many points in my posts. Not about the veracity of a particular part but she many times saw different or subtle elements that were just different than what I recalled. Often this did not matter since the bigger picture, the sentiment trumped any detail like her saying the day was cloudy and I thought it was sunny. It just didn’t matter.

Since starting my book I have read many, many memoirs and non-fiction books. I have always been a veracious reader but after turning on to memoirs it has really helped me with some finer points and direction of what I am trying to accomplish from a literary perspective. For example, I now know that there is so much material in the world to write about. In fact, last week I tuned in to 60 Minutes to see the farewell to Andy Rooney and he said something that really gave me a shot in the arm. He essentially said that with the world we live in today if you can’t write a book or an article then you are in the wrong business. His point (what I took away) is that our world is full of material and stories only waiting to be told.

So I feel I have a story and I am going to continue to tell it.

I have come to an abrupt end. I am tired and I completed what I had on my list of to-dos for my book today. I did not, and I am sorry, get to go into the post- In The Beginning, but I will do that very, very soon, as in… a day or two…promise (pinky-promise). Jk

You will want to tune in though. I want to tell you a story about Teresa and me and how it all started. I guarantee it will be worth the wait. It is a funny tale and totally pertinent to my writing. It really will show you how in light of all I have written over the last 18 months… it all started the day we met (our crazy life) and has not once relented.

I will leave you with this thought, er, image I mean. It is a story which is best left for Teresa since she so relishes telling it. I first met her in a men’s clothing store where she happened to be the manager. She tried selling me a very ugly pea-green sport coat and she thought I was gay…

I told you I was going to get more personal. And I will. And I will do this out of my desire to show you the funniest and gruelingest things I believe will give you an even deeper look into a family that is trying every day to persevere and keep the faith.

We Are All Autistic

2011-07-31T18:34:00.007-05:00

I believe we are all autistic. It is a fact which I can prove, kinda. With all my heart I know this is true, sorta. It is a very easy hypothesis to prove, I think.

What is autism? I know there are the three classic variables that are always in the literature and accepted as a given when describing autism: social cues, verbal cues and physical cues. But in the grand scheme of things this means everything and very little at the same time. This exists because of the vast gray area which is present and in between the cracks permeating the somewhat subjective and evolving spectrum we know as Autism.

Problems with socialization. Issues with the use of verbal skills. Maybe you walk funny or have a peculiar habit everybody knows about. These are all signs present in any autistic person. But for the person reading this whom is not on the spectrum, do you demonstrate any, some or all of these cues? Think about it. I do. Am I autistic? I don’t know.

I am always thinking of the what’s and why’s of autism and our eldest son, Austin. I know that Austin’s wiring is just different than mine or yours. I also see that as being simply “different”, not wrong or abnormal. I have found an analogy which I hope can illustrate my thoughts on this- a 56’ Chevy.

1956 Chevrolet Bel Air in particular. This is my dream car. Turquoise with pearl white panels, Cragar wheels, Hurst shifter and a ton of chrome. I don’t know a lick about cars but I know those are some of the things I want my 56’ to sport. One day it will be mine. What does a Chevy have to do with my son’s brain? You shall see.

Locally there is a classic car club called Classy Chassis which has been in existence for many years. I know many of the members very well and they have all shared their love of the cars with me and also the frustrations of owning, loving and maintaining a classic piece of Detroit steel.

What is it that frustrates them so? All classic cars have their own peculiar and unique quirks. A radio that comes on when it wants to or a sequence of three pumps on the gas and a wiggle of the key to get it to turn over. Maybe it’s a finicky carburetor that never stays in tune and has to be babied with the tenderest of kid gloves. But what do these avid enthusiasts do? They pour countless dollars, time and tender-loving care in to their babies because they are just that, their babies and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Would the car aficionado get rid of the beloved Ford Coupe because of some quirk or mysterious trait? I think unlikely. Maybe, but I think many of them take the peccadilloes and sometimes frustrating hiccups and live with them, if not embrace, at least tolerate them as this is their one and only true classic car, their baby. The character enhanced by such flaws only makes the beast a more special and rich entity.

What does this have to do with autism and my son, Austin? A great deal actually. Lately I have been thinking of Austin as that mythical 56’ I so want one day. Just as the classic car may have a particular foible which leaves the homegrown mechanic scratching his head, I too scratch my head at the things which are shown to me via Austin, right in my face yet I have know idea what it means or if I can even fix it.

Should the car be put into the crusher because you have to hit the dash for the air-conditioner to come on? No. So do I have to fix Austin because he has to act like a raging steam locomotive every morning he wakes up? Of course not. Just as the car has it quirks, so does Austin and other autistic’s just like him. They are different, not wrong or bad, broken or abnormal. Just different.

Indeed, Austin’s tics, taps, quirks and rituals are unique and truly unto himself. Today they are much of what makes up who he is.

Should we try and fix him? If so then I think there are many of us who also need a little further examination and introspection. Don’t we all have odd things, particular quirks which you have and don’t think anyone else knows about? It could be the smallest of tics to something as significant as an addiction. Are these not social and maybe even verbal cues? Maybe they even morph into physical cues at times.

I know I have always had a fascination with equilibrium. Even numbers, not the odds, but evens confound me. If I tap my toes on my right foot twice…I must equal it out by tapping my left foot toes an equal amount. I always put my left shoe and left pant leg on first, but my right arm goes into a shirt before the other, no question. If I forget my watch, wallet or rings, I must turn the car around and retrieve them. My day will not be right if I don’t have all of them, each in the proper place on me. I don’t feel equal, balanced. That whole equilibrium thing. But it has to happen of it really puts a damper on my day…I can just feel it.

What are some of the things you do which are odd? Are they just odd or do they make you different? Are they things which people notice and talk about? Probably sometimes but what I am really trying to say? Am I trying to equate ones own mannerisms, odd behaviors and quirks to being autistic. Not really. I don’t think because we all have these often times silly things we do qualifies us all for an autism diagnosis. What I do see however is that we are all different! And we should be. How boring would the world be if we were the same?

We are all different!

And like the Chevy, and Austin’s little things he does…they are just that, little things. Like when he eats, he hums and very noticeably grunts. I don’t think he even knows he is doing it and I know for sure that we all don’t really notice it anymore.

Now when a Chevy blows a cylinder or drops a tranny there is a big fix in store for the vehicle. Just like with Austin, when he has a meltdown or goes through a period of extreme behavior change, we look to our team of doctors and experts to help us get back on track. But we don’t take him, like the worn out and broken car to the crusher after giving up on him.

There are times where things are so troubling, we don’t know what to do yet we move forward. We search. We pray and we try new and different things to see what happens and what works. Many times I watch as my father breaks down crying wishing he could takes Austin’s place. It breaks my heart to watch this but we do not want nor expect pity. He is our son and the only thing he is is different.

Just like you or me.

We are all different and I don’t believe a fix or cure will be available for autism in the near future. I don’t begrudge those in search of answers and clues to what this baffling condition is we know as autism. But for sure I think the one thing I will continue to do is continue to integrate my son to every and all things mainstream. To expose him to all things we see as routine and normal (however much I despise this word).

I recently saw an article while sifting through a unique autism website called Rethinking Autism. The article was written by a gentleman by the name of Marc Rosen to the attention of Autism Speaks. While I don’t embrace every word or every thought in the writing I don’t take lightly what the overall theme he is trying to convey. Here are the words:

---To Autism Speaks:

""You say “We have to find a cure!”
A cure? For what?

Is it a cure for who I am?
My personality?
My hopes?
My dreams?
My passions?

Is it a cure for what I am?
My intelligence?
My wit?
My charm?
My sarcasm?

Is it a cure for what I can be?
My ambitions?
My interests?
My perseverance?
My goals?

If not any of those, then what do you hate?
Is it because you hate my differences?
My beliefs?
My morals?
My ethics?
My strength?

Is it because you hate that I’m not you?
Is my difference such a crime that it must be destroyed?

Better yet, can you tell me WHY?
Why do you hate me?
Why can’t I exist as I am?
Why do you have to “cure” my healthy mind?
Why do you have to treat me as inhuman?

Who are you trying to help?
Is it the fetus you screen out and abort for having the wrong genes?
Is it the child you yell at for being “wrong” in ways he‘ll never understand?
Is it the adult you allow to die through your silence?
Is it the hole in your heart which you stain with your cruelty?

Do you blame a vaccine for my existence?
Am I some freak of science who has no right to exist?
Am I nothing more than the shadow of your own twisted heart?
Do I only exist to remind you that you can’t live your life through mine?
Do I hold any value to you other than as a symbol of all you hate?

Or is it just that you fear that you are one of my brethren?
That the very things you have spoken of as filth and disease,
Could actually hold purpose, value, and worth?
Would I then be nothing more than your horrifying fun-house mirror?

These questions I pose to you, oh all-knowing “normal” people
You say you speak for me, so why not give me some answers?"" END QUOTE---

While I don’t care for a few of the references I think the sentiment regarding a person and there ability to be just like me or you or anyone else is what I embrace.

As I have said before when referencing Temple Grandin, I embrace many of the stances she takes on autism. I think there are many things we can help the autistic person with, but as for a cure…I will leave that up to those whom choose to search for it.

Like Miss Grandin, I have embraced the neuro-diverse thought on autism and those living with it- that they are simply different, embrace the pseson. Their wiring and plumbing may be tweeked a bit and the way my son perceives and processes things may also be different but in the end it’s just another matter of a person getting to the same endpoint albeit in a slightly different manner.

So for now we will encourage our son to be the boy, young man he is becoming. We will always push for him to be in as many activities and environments in the mainstream of society. He can do anything you or I can. He just does it differently. But don’t we all?

I can’t wait til the day I get my 56’. Until that day I will keep tinkering and working on trying to understand my son. He does have a finicky carburetor (his stomach’s appetite for fuel- food) and a valve (his mouth- which doesn’t stop) that sticks quite a bit. But I think we will keep him.

For now, Austin is my 56’. He has all the bells and whistles like the car. And he has more chrome and bling than any classic should be allowed- his smile, his hats, his hugs and the way he lights up any room. And yes, like the car he has his quirks. And we love em all…, usually.

Austin doesn’t need to be fixed. Just understood and embraced.

Good day.

The Coach Gets It

2011-06-07T22:31:00.009-05:00

I was working at the Great Oklahoma Territry restaurant, or GOT’s to the locals in Norman, Oklahoma, one sticky summer night in 1986. I really enjoyed working there because the college students, like me, couldn't afford it, which meant I wouldn’t be getting typical student tips matching typical student budgets. The eatery was an older steakhouse with a lot of oilies (Oklahoma oil business men), university coaches and local middle-aged folks who liked a good steak and a somewhat cheesy dance floor (real, functional disco-ball) on the weekends.

I waited on tables, made great tips and got to see and meet some really interesting people. I thought I was a pretty good waiter, but I never imagined the surprise I was in for that night. Actually, I am not sure one particular customer was ready for what I was about to drop on him.

I got to work that day after my last class and was soaked through my shirt by the time I wheeled my trusty Cannondale mountain-bike into the parking lot. It was hot! I walked in that afternoon and was surprised to see, at 4:30, several tables were already seated with customers.

I shot past Cameron, our Iraqi-born chef and all-around hilarious guy who kept the place sane. I strapped on an apron. Nodded to Mickey and Dennis, two of my buddies and co-workers and sauntered over to my first table. I waited on the couple, getting them set up quickly with drinks and appetizers. Before putting there order in to the kitchen I paused and took a big breath- we’re already slammed, but I can do this.

I turned around to meet my next guests, all twenty of them. I was shaking as I asked them if they would hold on a minute while I arranged a few tables to accommodate their large group.

I was still pretty new to working in a restaurant, so getting hit with a big group, right after coming in certainly presented me a challenge. I fumbled and stumbled, but managed to get eight tables arranged to seat what had now grown to more than 20 people. It was now only me standing in the way of these people and their first drink. I could feel all 40 eyes on me as I started to sweat, again, in the cool air-conditioned room.

I walked to the head of the table. Every word was stuck in my throat. I only remember hearing something about water so I stumbled some more, mumbled something even I didn’t understand and ran for the wait station to get water, anything to give me a moment to get my bearings before I dove back in.

I balanced a pitcher of iced water on my tray as sharp cool drops sloshed over the edges and down my arm. I added as many glasses I could manage and headed back to the head of the table.

And then everything got very cold.

The frosty pitcher of water tilted on edge as an over-eager Boz grabbed a stack of glasses from the tray, upsetting the balance, sending the mass of ice and water with cannonball force, onto Coach Switzer.

Coach Barry Switzer, that is.

The legendary, Hall of Fame college football coach; Super Bowl winning leader of the Dallas Cowboys; Special Olympics champion, Fox Sports analyst and one of my Saturday afternoon heroes…Oh…My…Gosh!!! What did I just do? Time stood still.

Like the icy mess which was just deposited onto the coach’s lap- I too, was frozen. I am sure my mouth was open with my jaw firmly on the floor, dripping tray held high.

Coach was a frequent guest at GOT’s as were the coaching staff who were present that day. Several marquee players from the team also got to witness my performance but I was too afraid to look up and see how they scored it or note their reactions.

“What’s you name son?” Is all I heard, breaking the ice- pun intended. “Well, Scott, it is about a hundred outside and I was quite uncomfortable anyway. It’s only water. So what’s on for specials tonight?” He wasn’t fazed by what had happened, in fact, he was laughing at, with, me. I think he was more concerned about me feeling bad, scared and whatever else the look on my face was projecting.

This was my introduction to a hero, a legend, a rockstar, Barry Switzer, for the first time, and that blunder was how I said hello….

Fast forward twenty three years to December, 2010, about a week before Christmas.

After picking up the phone, these are the words I hear, “Is Scott there? “Hi, this is Scott, what’s up?” I shoot back. “Scott, this is Coach Switzer. How are you?” I am not sure what he thought the crashing noise was on his end of the phone, but I know I wasn’t telling him it was the phone slipping from my hand and smashing onto the hardwoods. My second introduction wasn’t much smoother.

“Scott, my wife and I read your blog. We were moved. It was very touching and I “get it” Scott. Three simple words. I get it. So simple, yet he couldn’t have uttered a more profound trio of words. I will later explain what the significance of this all means but before I do that I will finish that call.

Knowing how much he is involved with the Special Olympics I wasn’t all that surprised for him to have interest in our story. What did knock me out of my socks was just getting the call. I get a call from a celebrity/sports icon who wants to speak with me about our son, a book I am writing, and he is curious about my goals and vision wasn’t something I was sitting by the phone waiting for.

Another jump forward to March, 2011 in Norman, Oklahoma. We were sitting at a table at Charleston’s waiting on Coach to join us for lunch. He arrived fifteen minutes later with his trademark smile. There were no flashing lights of neon or stars exploding overhead announcing a superstar. Just a guy wearing blue jeans, a plain blue t-shirt… and that grin. The smile just puts you at ease and as he walked over to us he immediately keyed in on the boys and plopped himself down next to Austin and held out his hand.

“Hi Austin, I’m Coach Switzer. It’s so good to finally meet you and Logan and you too mom and dad.” And that’s how it began.

“That’s a cool ring, can I have it?” He slides off the gold boulder of a ring and tosses it to Austin- tumbling and bouncing across the table top. Austin slowly reads the words on the ring asking us what Super Bowl Champion means. For the next fifteen minutes, Austin and the coach arrange a black napkin as a backdrop so Austin can get the best possible lighting for the picture he is trying to capture on his camera of the ring. I’m not sure which one of them had more fun, but it was hilarious watching the two of them carry on like long lost school chums.

He then asked Teresa where she grew up. She responded, “The South. Kings Mountain, North Carolina.” To which he replied, “Darlin, that is not the South. I think I need to educate your wife on where the true South is.” By that he meant his home state of Arkansas.

We ordered lunch and Austin convinced coach to get the okra with his pork sandwich, but told him the sprouts were just weeds and didn’t belong on a plate of good food. Austin got the burger with okra and extra ranch dressing. Every time Austin looked away, Barry would dip his okra into Austin’s’ ranch dressing and shoot me that grin. It was hilarious. But then he got busted. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Austin snapped. “I’m just following your lead Austin. Ranch goes great with okra and I didn’t get any so…” he chuckled.

Our original plan for a cup of coffee turned into lunch which turned into a marathon food fest. He looked at his watch, realized the time and since we had been long done with the food had to get to an appt he was already late for.

As we were hurrying out he turned to me, “We didn’t get to do any fun stuff. Do you know where I live?” Uh, yea. Of course I know where you live, I thought. Everybody knows where the Coach lives. “Okay. Be there first thing in the morning and we’ll see what we can come up with.”

We pulled in to the Switzer residence at about 9 A.M. and before the car came to a stop Austin bolted from the car, picked up the newspaper lying on the driveway and crashed through the front doors. All I heard was Austin and what I assumed was the Coach, laughing at the tops of their lungs. So Austin made his entrance one which when I think about it is not all that uncommon. He just wanted everyone to know, “It’s me! I’m here! The party can begin.”

We followed Austin’s entrance with a non-ceremonial walk through the front door only to be met by the two of them, waiting, now with two big grins, like we were late to the party.

(This is the first half of the chapter. The second half will go on to show you why and how Coach knows and "gets" kids like Austin.) So proud to call him a friend of the family.

Up To Speed...

2011-04-19T19:16:00.005-05:00

This is only the second time I have done this, but I wanted to share with you a little bit about my mission; explaining and providing some insight into the why’s, what’s and huh’s about autism and the small role my family and I play. I want to provide you with an idea of why I am doing this blog, why I am writing my book and how I am going about making that process happen. This is not a chapter for the book, but for anyone who may be just tuning to the blog this is an opportunity to show you how critical this blog is for me and what I am doing. The way I am using it may be very different than how the average blog is utilized, which I will explain.

Above all things, I am trying to raise awareness for all people effected by autism. I want to, through our example, shine a light on this epidemic touching the entire world called autism. Showing what it is like living with an autistic person and showing that, learning more about a friend, a loved one or anyone is a goal of my words. I want to educate and inform the world to this epidemic. I think the world knows a little bit about autism; most people know how to spell the word autism, but don’t know what it means. Just ask a group of people, “What is autism?” The answers will be like the colors of the rainbow.

Raising awareness can have a profound impact on society and that is what I want to effect.

I started writing notes and thoughts, using a spiral notebook as a diary of sorts after my wife, Teresa, and my oldest brother, Kevin, kept prompting me to keep track of all the crazy, funny and sometimes amazing things me and my family have experienced living in a home with so many special needs. This started about two and half years ago.

About a year ago I learned of this thing called blogging and I made the leap. I, however, did not start the blog to write a book about it. I am using my blog to help me finish writing the book I had begun nearly three years prior. Many blogs, which I read numerous, consist of daily, if not multiple posts a day, with two-way dialog, discussion and comments. I turned to the blog as a better way to put my words into print. I have horrible handwriting so this was perfect.

I write down thoughts and random tidbits on the backs of my business cards. They are of my family and our life, random and spontaneous. These bullets may be from years ago or just something the other day. I then look at the five or six points and usually end up deciding on 1-3 of them that will combine for a nice message and story. I then sit down and slam it out on the blog, totally off the cuff. There usually about 800-1000 words and I do no revisions. The only thing I do is a quick spell-check. Kind of like I am doing right now. Everything I am writing is off the top of my head, less an occasional word I don’t like- I plan on posting this when I finish in the next few moments.

Some of the posts I do not like. I suppose I take a risk in using the blog because the chapters I am completing certainly contain the essence of the post, but they are so much more and that is when I go in and add all the details, meat and bones so to speak. I hope you will see they are good and from-the-heart chapters, worthy of a book you would want to read.

The average chapter after I am done is between 2200-2500 words, or about 2-3 times larger than an average post. There I have made some of the posts I don’t care for as much into chapters I really love and make popular ones even better. Many of the posts will be better explained and have more answers than what I may offer in the blog. My blog is my closest, best friend and tool in writing.

I hope each post demonstrates something for you to take and think about and hold onto its emotion, general thrust. I hope they move you and possibly make you want to learn more about autism, special needs, Austin, my family or another family blessed with this gift. You will know someone on the spectrum if you don’t already.

There is no start to my book. There is no end either. This is not a memoir in the traditional sense, although I do share times occurring throughout the last 17 years of my family’s life. I felt no need to make it a day-one-to-current affair, but rather share specific, unique and powerful stories which hopefully contain a message. Messages of hope, struggle, faith, courage and love from a boy and his journey in life. My true desire is that through some of the difficult stories you can see through it all and embrace some of the morals which are often times being presented by Austin and not just me, Teresa or Logan.

I hope when you read the blog you will be thinking that you are reading and seeing a snapshot of what the full story is. Please enjoy what you read. After all, I am trying to raise awareness and educate using our stories as a vehicle which makes it real and personal. Maybe you will learn something you did not know or possibly feel more comfortable talking and getting to know someone with a special need.

The stories are real and they are many times funny, but then the next one may punch you in the gut wondering, what next?

This whole process has been most therapeutic for me and if only a tiny bit of that rubs off on anyone reading it then I think I have succeeded on this day. Please share Austintistic.

Okay, I will now let the horse up.

Thank you.

God Bless.

Ps- at a later date I will share a little more of my mission, speaking, foundation and other things I have as goals of mine. They are all based on education, awareness and advocating for people like my son.

Austintistic - Prologue (rough)

2011-03-21T22:16:00.006-05:00

Note- this is only the second time which I have chosen to write in the first-person of Austin. All other posts besides this one and the "Blue" eyes post are from my perspective.

My name is Austin LeRette. Actually it is Richard Austin, but my dad thought it was cool, and couldn't keep it simple. I am not alone, as my little brother was treated to the same thing- Logan’s first name is actually Andrew. He has, however, said that I am special and that he can prove it. I will explain that later.

I have broken my back two different times and once had to wear a full torso-cast for six months. That really stunk. Broken bones are not new to me and my family. We stopped counting all the breaks somewhere around twenty or twenty five. I have a genetic bone disease called Osteogenisis-Imperfecta. Some people may know it as a brittle bone thing. All I know is that my bones break real easy and sometimes I have to have surgeries to fix things.

Tibia, fibula, humorous, rib, finger, toe, coccyx, vertebrae, and skull- these are all the bones I have broken, many of them multiple times like my fingers toes and ribs. My skull had several breaks from a terrible daycare accident that happened when I was a baby, but I don’t even know what happened. Dad will tell you all about it I am sure. I am pretty good with sporting a cast and I tend to wear them out pretty quick and have to get new ones put on before my bones heal. The broken bones aren’t that big of a deal really, it’s just part of my life.

I did have one other break- when they cracked my stomach open. I guess it’s actually called your sternum. I had some heart defects when I was born I guess and they had to fix them when I was about five years old. So they broke my chest and took out my heart and fixed the bad parts. Then they wired it shut and told me it would be stronger than it was before, but I might set off the alarms at airports with the metal inside of me. That’s so cool.

My bones and heart are a big deal I suppose, but to me the only thing I wish I could change is my autism. Autism sucks. Dad calls me Austintistic. He says that autism is an epidemic taking the world by storm yet so few people really know what it is. He is writing this book so he can try and help other families learn more about this thing but also educate the general public on autism as it will most likely touch everyone very soon. He says this because right now 1 in 110 kids are being diagnosed with autism all over the world. I guess it’s too big a thing to ignore and he’s trying to help and make people see why it’s such an important issue.

He says I am special because if you look at the odds of a person having all three diseases such as the case with me, I would be one in 423,500,000. “See! I can prove you are special Austin,” that’s what he says. I know I am no more special than any other kid, but that too is pretty cool.

Me being special is not the big deal, nor is my bones or my heart. The big deal is autism. Bones mend and hearts heal but autism is forever. Just looking at the numbers of new kids every day paints a pretty vivid picture that we ALL will be touched by autism one day.

We have had countless trips to emergency rooms, operating rooms, doctor’s offices, specialist’s offices, weekly pharmacy visits, social services, pediatrics, orthopedics, oral surgery, psychiatry, ophthalmology, audiology, dermatology, urology, hematology and genetics. The list goes on, but that is just a sampling of the things that is my world.

We are going to many of these places every week and it has always been this way since I was a little kid. Dad says he is not writing so people can learn about my bones and my heart, but to learn about who I am and not what I have. He wants to show you all about what autism is through telling a bunch of stories about me, Austin, Richard LeRette.

I am really like any other teenager you meet. I like sports, especially bowling and running with my dad. I love movies, especially the ones from when dad was a kid; Stripes, Caddyshack and Ferris Beuhler’s Day Off. I get grounded like other kids and I love to cook. I love the Boston Red Sox and the Oklahoma Sooners.

More than anything, I love people. I love strangers, friends, family, it doesn’t matter. I am a happy person that has a crappy disease that I hate, but it doesn’t slow me down too often.

I know I am no more special than any other kid running around the neighborhood, but I am just blessed with some special gifts from God. I guess I am the boy I was made to be. Does that make sense?

Dad will share times of joy and other times of pain that I feel and we all feel. Some of them are really funny and other will just punch you in the gut. He says they all should make you stop and think about your own life and maybe ask yourselves a question or two. This isn’t about how tough we have it, but he wants to share the ways we live and thrive and cope with our challenge of autism and other things.

Each chapter Dad writes about is a specific time in my life where something happened that he thought was either crazy or funny or heart-felt or gut-wrenching, whatever that means... He thinks that many of the stories allow me to share a moral or a solution to what was happening. He says that often times I am the one teaching and he is just watching, whatever Dad.

I do love the small things in life. I take the small things like ranch dressing or a cool hat. These things make my day and bring me security and comfort. I think a lot of people blow right on by so many of the cool things that make me happy and I can’t understand this. I see the good and the joyful in all things and just don’t see how people can be mean and not appreciate these little things that I embrace and make my own.

My dad says that getting people to learn about autism is called awareness and this is a huge issue. He is trying to raise awareness for it by sharing our story with you. He hopes to show you through our life how we are just a family dealing with some special issues in life.

Austintistic will make you laugh, smile and maybe make you cry, but I hope the stories do something else; I hope they make you stop. Stop and think about your life. Ponder and ask yourself the question about what you are doing to make a difference in this world. It is not only about autism and my life. Did I learn something that was different and maybe I wasn’t comfortable, like a boy with special needs? What am I doing? Can I help and make someone else’s life better by maybe understanding them better? I hope what Dad writes lets you see that I am no different than any other kid and I only want to be treated like your kid.

I will tell you what he always tells me- “Austin, do you want to make a difference in the world? Do you want to change the world son?” Well, if you do, I want you to do this. Put up your pointer finger. Now point it to your noggin. You can point it to your heart too if you like. And then he says, “That is where you can start.” That’s it. That’s what he tells me. If you want to help change the world, start with you own head and heart. O.K. dad, I’ll get right on that.

I hope you like Austintistic.

Logan

2011-02-22T22:09:00.004-06:00

This is Logan LeRette. He is our son. I think this post only requires a picture.

Are We Not Happy Lemmings?

2011-01-29T12:42:00.007-06:00

Maybe you have heard one of the sayings or myths about lemmings. I know that my recollection of them is of a pack mentality where all in a group, followed what the other did with know regard for a leader, but all as a mass of followers. The true myth, oxymoronic I know, is one of a far different truth than I thought.

Lemmings are not packs of fish like I always thought but rather a very small rodent more akin to a vol or shrew. Nor do they live and gather in packs like I thought, but are rather very solitary and somewhat reclusive little critters with no real defined purpose in our world. One odd thing about lemmings is that the population of them over the years shoots up and down very dramatically with no known scientific reason.

The lemmings react to this population shift in a very crazy and self-limiting way. They gather together and march off to the edge of a cliff and do there own work in culling the herd, so to speak. Of course, this is all myth, albeit a popular one in which Apple so prominently displayed in a commercial during the 1985 Super Bowl, strange as it was. Search YouTube for "Apple Lemmings Commercial" to refresh yourself or if you are too young, to see it for the first time.

I write of lemmings not because they are these really cool rodents I admire so dearly, but because of this myth and how very real our world fits into this silly rodents tale.

Are you a lemming? Do you want to be a part of the "in" crowd at school or work? Do you have to have the newest jeans, coolest new game or the most vogue fashion accessory that no one else in town has? I know I have been guilty of much of this in my life but at what expense does it come?

So much time is spent in life trying to be something. We all try to be something, but what is it we are really in search of? Maybe in that search we missed the bigger thing.... The me, the I, the you. Maybe you were meant to be the way you were made and not the something you try so desperately to attain every waking moment. So much time is spent in life trying to be something....else. Am I right?

Look at some of the greatest minds and thinkers of our time and those past: Spielberg, Gates, Einstein, Ackroyd, Darwin, Newton, Yeats, the list goes on. Famous people who were definitely not lemmings but one-of-a kind, free-thinking, out-of-the box individuals. Most of them had childhoods where maybe they were thought of as nerds or weird by their peers or others. Well, look what they have accomplished. They were all amazing and incredible thinkers who have helped in many cases change the world in phenomenal ways.

Most of these folks were verbal-thinkers like my alter-ego Joe. No, I am not at all comparing myself to Einstein, but they just do and did things differently than the popular, in-crowd cat in the school. They were not the ones to fit in and be just like the popular ones who had the best and still sought more. They marched to their own proverbial drum. Which person are you?

Austin has his own virtual drum with which he pounds.Every moment of every day. It is his drum and it needs no explanation. Austin is Austin. You may have seen Austin wearing his now somewhat famous "jester" hat. He wears it to school, to church, it doesn't matter. He wears it and does so with pride and affection. For you of those in junior high or high school- would you wear a jester hat to school? To the resounding answer....why not? Not cool or part of the "in" thing to do? I get it, but that is not the point. The point is that Austin is as comfortable in his own skin, which allows him to do things that although it may seem ridiculous to you, are quite easy for Austin.

Austin does things that make him comfortable. He does things that bring him security. His hats, ranch dressing, singing, organizing. He tics and taps and rubs-stemming is what it is called. All that makes him OK with the world. They may look like nervous habits, but they are much more than that. They are the things he does to survive, cope and feel comforted.

Are you feeling satisfied and secure in your warm cocoon of familiarity? I am. Are you locked in with the "in" crowd and have the things dear to you, close at hand? I often think I do.

I think Austin would try to tell you to get out of that cocoon of conformity and be the person you were meant to be. Don't do what it is just because its the cool, new thing to do, but do what is good and right and full of joy. I think Austin would tell us that we are all autistic.

Are we all autistic? Do you have a tic, a quirk or your own set of little one-off plain weird things that make you you? I do. Autism is a spectrum, a continuum. It has a far point at one end and the other equally as far from the center point. Aren't we "all" on the spectrum? No one is perfect , but I think Austin can show you that we all can change the world. But I think he would tell you to do it your way and not the way someone tells you. If you want to change the world, take your pointer finger and put it on your head. Start there.

I think Austin is changing the world. One person at a time.

NOTE- The famous people I noted above....all thought to be on the spectrum with one form of autism. Thanks for the inspiration on this one BS. Our talk moved me.

He "Looks" Just Like You

2010-12-23T00:33:00.004-06:00

I smile and watch as Austin approaches a stranger. “What are you going to have?” he says. “I’m having a number 11 with a Hi-C and fries. That’s chicken nuggets with fries and a drink. But I get to choose the sauces. I want ranch, buffalo, honey mustard, hot mustard, catsup, sweet and sour and more ranch. Please, thank you, and your welcome.” This is a very common occurrence when in public with the Auzman.

Austin then invites the stranger to have lunch with us at our table. It’ll be the best. We can have a delicious, nutritious lunch with my new best friend and have a blast. “What’s your name?”

The guy looks at Austin first with a smile and curiosity but as he continues, the look turns to annoyance and disdain. “Who is this jerk?” is the look I have seen all too many times before. All he wants to do is make a friend and the guy thinks he is a nut job. I try to derail what I knew he would do, but to no avail, I fail.

As we stand in line, a girl steps in to the next line over to put in her order. I watch as I stand filling the drinks. Austin takes the few steps to approach her in a flash. What I hear next is predictable and totally Austin. He asks for her name and then if she would friend him on FaceBook. Just like that. No preamble, boom, be my friend.

Her short smile quickly turns south. I am far enough away that she may not know Auz is with me but close enough to watch it go down. She is now turned into an absolute snit to Auz. Nothing overt or verbal but if Austin only knew the looks she was giving him… annoyance, disgust and anger. All these looks rolled in to one glaring attitude.

Who does this weird, freak kid think he is wanting to be my friend, let alone be seen talking with him in front of my real friends?

She is not being a very kind young lady. I step over to them. “He is only trying to be nice to you. He only wants to be your friend.” I say. She forces the upside down smile into what can count as a smile and simply says, “I know.” Do you? If only all of us could exist just wanting to be friends with everyone. What a world we would live in.

“Come on Auz, let’s go” I mumble.

Austin, as with many other kids with autism, has an issue with trust. While many on the autism spectrum have difficulty trusting “one” person, Austin has absolute trust in all people, even with the stranger he just met.

This blind trust leaves me often times shaking my head. But more times than not, I find myself thinking of the potential for danger and harm or other opportunities for bad things to occur. This joyous and excepting nature Austin possesses, his loving and compassionate presence, although quite virtuous, leaves him vulnerable, a target. I am scared to death of the time some day in the future where he trusts the wrong person or smiles at the wrong kid… I can’t believe I am worried about Austin being nice to a person. But, it is a fact, the world we live in; people exist who are ignorant, mean, intolerant or just plain bad. His mom and I won’t always be there. Will we?

I still think back to when a good friend asked me a question that still haunts. “What are you guys going to do when Austin is 18 and on his own?”, Johnny asked. We just never really thought about it. But that simple question has caused so many things to be thought and said on many a late nights talking. We struggle as it is, but what about when he is of adult age.

I will share a story that displays not only the callous disregard for understanding and tolerance, but also a little bit more of the nature of what makes Austin, Austin.

Two years ago I watched Austin bowl in the Saturday morning leagues. He was the only player present from his team. So it was him and the four girls on the team slotted to play him. I will forever remember what happened next. He was all smiles. Talking to the girls and having a good time. The girls went into a kind of huddle and when they came out they leaned over to Austin. They then said, “Austin. If you shut up, we’ll be your friend.” End of sentence, period.

Austin turned to me. He had a smile a mile wide and you could tell he was beaming. He ran back to me to tell me the great news. “My friends said I could be there friend, and all I have to do is shut up.” He was so excited. He saw right through the mean words, only to hear that he had four new friends. Friendship by proximity- look it up.

Of course this is difficult to watch. What makes it worse is that I am sure many of the kids and people that treat Austin this way, are good people themselves, but just don’t yet see and understand who Austin is. This is also why doing my part to raise awareness and educate whenever I can is imperative.

Austin is a literal person. He believes what you say. Words mean things to him and he takes them for the words they are. Routinely he will not comprehend sarcasm or off-handed jokes- even ones that are at his benefit. He sees and hears the words and often misses the intent, joke or insult. Words mean things. We speak so quickly and in times of misunderstanding it is quite easy to blast away. It is sometimes a blessing he does not see the harmful or rude poke at him, but tries as he might to find the good in all people.

When the kid tells him, “Shut up tard!”, Austin always has a way to explain it away. “It’s ok dad, he’s a really good guy and he’s my friend. Don’t be mad at him.” He will quickly say.

Something my old boss always told me was that “perception is reality”. It is one of those sayings that will stay with me forever. It is true. Regardless of the veracity of the truth, whatever is thought to be is for that person or group, the truth. So goes with those in the special needs community.

Stereotypes, misinformation, ignorance and peer-pressure all lead for all kinds of people, when put in an environment, to act like some of the folks I have described above. The final moment I will share with you is of a time that occurred only recently. This moment was difficult but there is a silver lining to it this time. What I will describe is I think one of the most important things to know regarding being aware in the special needs community.

Austin is part of a group through our local high school. It is an activity that he dearly loves to take part. Regardless of how he does, it’s all about being a part of the team more than anything else. There were some complaints and a poor comment made one time regarding his behavior. This lead to a difficult situation for all involved. A meeting was scheduled where Teresa and I got to speak to the group. I am so happy we did. We were able to educate them on who Austin is and what he is not. This is exactly what I am trying to do with my blog and book. As it turned out, we received so many positive comments. The most poignant being: “You guys really need to do this for the entire school. Everybody needs to get to know Austin like we now do.”

Much of what Austin encounters is do to pure human nature. I explained to the athletes that many folks are disabled and with needs. Many are in wheel chairs or have physical attributes that make it relatively obvious to most that they have some type of disability. Whether it is a child with downs-syndrome or the person forever changed after a horrible car crash, they may forever, physically, look different. I hope I am not being callous, but this is just what it is in this case.

Why is this important? Because Austin looks like you or me or any other kid his age. Austin looks like the average teenager in any given high school. We felt this point being exemplified very strongly coming off of this meeting. Many of the students may think Austin is annoying and get many times frustrated with him, but remembering one thing is paramount- physically he may look like an average person, but Austin has a severe neurological disability and it’s easy to not see this.

At the end of the meeting the coach commented that the biggest thing for him was this point, above all others. A person doesn’t have to look disabled at all to have a special need……. I’ll finish this in the book. But I will say that the meeting was very good.

What Would Austin Do

2010-11-10T21:57:00.002-06:00

WWAD I love it. Several people let me see how this little take on the all too familiar saying fits my writing quite well I think. So many of the posts do just that- share a moral, lesson or event that hi lights how Austin comes through as the shining light.

This post itself is not going to be a chapter, but I thought I would take a moment and answer some of the common questions I have received in the past few months.

Is this fiction? No. I am writing about life with Austin and my family. Part of the crazy nature of my family IS what makes this chronicle so crazy. Yes, it has all really happened. The good, the bad and the ugly. Many times of joy alongside the heartache and pain- often day after day after day.

Are you writing a book of your blog? No. I started writing about my family and the Auzman after many prompts from my oldest brother Kevin and my wife Teresa. I Started about two years ago and after stumbling along for well over a year I found this thing called "blogging". It has been a natural progression for me and I have found it as very helpful with untold value for my writing. So, all told, I am using the blog to help me, in a spontaneous fashion, hammer out the thoughts for a chapter. That is what you see on the blog. I then turn these in to the full-blown chapter you will see in the published product.

Are the posts each chapter you are writing? Again, no. They are the essence of each chapter, but if you think you are reading the book by reading the blog then I will just let you know you re just getting a taste.

Why don't you write as much as when you started? Good question, but the fact is that when I started I was obviously pretty pumped up and I had more ideas etc flowing into and out of my brain that it was truly hard to contain. I was writing too much. A good friend from Michigan one day told me to SLOW down. People like to read what you are writing so quit giving it out by the bucketfuls. So I slowed down. I was frankly getting tired of posting multiple times a week- it was only natural.

When is your book going to be published? Hah! As my coach recently told me, "The writing is the fun and enjoyable part of making a book. Rewrites, editing and tearing apart each chapter is where the tough stuff starts." and that's where I am today. Its really a very slow process. On top of it all....I have a job and a family and commitments etc. I know my original timeline is history but I am trying to get into a groove after taking much of October off to reboot. So after we put the manuscript through all of these hoops- then we try to get the thing sold to a good publisher. Please chime in if you are a publisher, thank you.

Does Austin read the blog? Not very often. He could really care less but he loves to tell everybody about it. I have caught him on the blog only a few times and it is quite interesting. He read to me a post I wrote about the first time he ended up in a psych-ward and it was a really cool/unique moment. "That really happened dad?" Wow. I forgot all about it, he says. But then he starts recount ting to me all the COOL things he saw and did and people he met while there. Of all things, it would be Austin to meet friends in a psych hospital.

Does anyone help you write? No. Aside from the occasional clarifying question to my lovely wife, its all me. I have found out very quickly how solitary and lonely writing can be. But I love it. It is almost like a drug and is very addicting. Am I a writer? I don't know but I guess since that's what I am trying/doing then I AM an aspiring writer.

Why are you doing this? I am trying to raise awareness to an epidemic thing we know as Autism. Austins tale becomes even more unique when his bone and heart disease is thrown in to the mix. I think along with raising awareness, the unique nature of it all makes for a sometimes shocking and entertaining read.

As for why the blog? Its a great tool for me. I have been told to post more things even if it is only to check in with my readers. I have used the blog for different reasons than many people who blog for a living. It is primarily a medium for me to start my chapters in a clear and concise way. I have horrible handwriting and for me it has been a blessing. There is not a lot of commentary or dialog on the blog since it is primarily a work of non-fiction writing being played out on a computer screen. So, unlike a political or entertainment blog, there is not the two-way dialog you may be used to seeing but mostly me writing about whatever.

To further analyze one of my earlier comments- I do need to slow down. I have had to change my focus and priorities and keep my eye on the ball. I am writing a book. I have had my eye on the blog for many months but I have had to force my self to realize my course is changing. I will still write, but I will write like I have for the last few months- when a good thing slams into my brain and tells me I need to write something new.

Big pause......I had a great thought as I was typing and did not write it down but kept on typing....and its gone....I am ticked.********** These asterisks are where I will edit and insert this thought as soon as it pops into my brain when I lay down tonight.

Lastly, Who is this book for? This is a very difficult question. It would be very easy to say it was for any family touched by, living with or involved with autism. If I stuck to that I would be truly limiting myself. I think most of the people who read the blog have none of the above but are interested in the story of Austin- are touched by a post that made them happy or made them cry. Awareness is about increasing knowledge and understanding. So this really makes this question not as easy to answer as you might think. The target audience may not be the world in general but it is much broader than simply families touched by autism. OK, beat the dead horse.

This is and continues to be self-induced therapy for me. Cathartic is a good adjective to tell you how its has been. It has had an enormous impact on the way I look at and live with my son.

What would Austin do? Only he knows. I made a comment on fbook the other night about a less than stellar day I was having and wanted to throw my laptop from my balcony window and I said "what would Austin do?" I was hit with several comments on how they loved this tagline and I should just run with it. I do think it is very emblomatic of "Austintistic". I love it. We will see where it leads. gb cheers and good night. Scott

Would I Change

2010-10-05T20:21:00.001-05:00

Would I Change

He will be sixteen years old in about a month. He is now about two inches taller than me. Where did that come from? He is now in high school. He likes hip-hop, liquid metal (whatever that is) and anything from the 70’s and 80’s. He now wears all my clothes, but not for long. He still eats like a horse, but loves the whole experience of getting it prepared as much as the actual “eat” part. He could still care less if the Sooners, Vikings or Red Sox win or even if they are on TV. He would rather go to a garage sale than go for a run. He will always take his moms side even when he knows better. He fights with his brother like any other kid with a brother. He can still make any outing or event fun or funny. He can still bring any outing or event to a screeching halt resulting in us all heading home. He can and will make you smile. He likes to dress for every occasion. He wears a hat for most days- its always a surprise to see his choice. He runs on “his” time. No person can or will ever affect that timing. He loves to tell you he loves you. He loves to hug you. He loves to show you anything new. He will be a part of your conversation. Anything “new” is awesome. Anything “old” is, old. More is always better. He will not get out of bed in the morning. He will jump out of bed if you mention McDonalds breakfast burritos. He will take all of his medicine like a champ. He will tell you that autism sucks.

He is Austin.

Most of the things I have described for you are things that you may already know and have either seen or experienced. Austin is a very unforgettable presence, which can, and often times does, steal the show. It’s not always pretty, in fact- it is often not. We are blessed with an autistic child whom is both verbal and very social. These are two things that many autistic people have the most problems.

Autism is a difficult and unforgiving thing that rears its ugly head at any moment. No, that’s not quite right. Its head is always raised, but when it chooses to make itself known is only known to the person so affected, that being Austin. Austin will always be autistic. Unless the clinicians and thought leaders discover something out of this world, I think Austin and his autism are what they are. This is a very important dilemma for parents with autistic children are faced with on any given day. This thing we so despise, are so bound too- it’s not going away any time soon. Can the parent accept it and live life? Or are they going to deny it and let the child suffer? I say this because the sooner the parent can come to grips with what it means to live with an autistic child, the sooner they get on to living life…. with an autistic child.

But Scott, would you change it if you had one wish from the Genies bottle? Would you take away his autism? As Homer Simpson would say, “Doooy!” Are you serious? You are kidding me, right? This question, I’m sure we have all been asked this before, right? “If you could change this or that, would you?”

Who would Austin be if he were without autism?

A small part of me even resents the question or at least the premise from which it was asked. What’s the flippin point? Would I like to be six feet tall with a blond pony tale down to my butt? Duh. Yea. Would I love to play golf like Tiger or win Wimbledon like Johhny Mac? Would I love to beat the Lakers like Bird or hit a grand slam like my man Ortiz to beat the Yankees in game seven of the series? Uh, yea.

It would be great to wake up and be financially set without a care in the world. I would love to have the chiseled body of Marky Mark or play a guitar like Dave Matthews and wow them on stage.

So yes, it would be easy to say “yes”, I would take that wish and make the change. Let’s do it. Sign me up. Then it would be oh so easy. Right?

Do you realize what all the things I just spouted out really are? They are dreams. Wishes. Fantasies. We all have them, but that’s what they are. I will never be a pro athlete; a rock star and I will never hit the golf ball very straight, let alone be like Tiger.

It just doesn’t matter. Say it real slow. It just doesn’t matter. Again. It just doesn’t matter. What’s the point? It’s all wishful thinking and we have more important things to do, like living life, than worry about waking up and the bad things all be gone after we got to rub the Genie bottle and make it all better. That’s movie stuff, not reality.

Would I know Austin if he weren’t autistic. What would he be like? I won’t answer this because I would be repeating myself.

However, let me answer it with a question of my own (it is, duh). What would we lose if this grand question were to be answered?

Austin is almost sixteen and he still loves to hold my hand as we walk in to a store. Would I risk losing that? Austin hugs me lots. Lots! Lots!!! Would he still do that? He still loves to skip and sing at the top of his lungs regardless of where he is or who’s around.

Austin cruises down the street on his Trek ringing that silly bell non-stop. He rings it with pride as if his life depended on it. These may not be things that many 16 year-olds would do, but do you wish maybe they did. Do you wish your teenager would hold your hand or give you a hug more than they do?

Let me go on. Who has used the trucker wave? You know what I mean. Shaking your arm in an up-down motion so the trucker will honk their horn going down the interstate. Austin thinks this is as cool as any football game you would watch. It makes him happy. All you have to do is look at his face. See the smile and joy and it says it all. Would I want to change that?

The premise of the question is absurd. That’s what I think. Dreaming for a wish is just that- a dream. It’s just a fantasy of sunshine and rainbows, based on the premise that something is wrong or bad. Oh boy, only if we could change that. Oh yea. And then things would all be better and we would all ride off into the sunset.

I now know something I didn’t always know, and I think T and I had issues with this thing we didn’t know for the longest of times. What is it you ask? Why us? Why was our lot in life set up to play out this way? Did we do something wrong and are now being punished? Were we bad parents and this is what we got stuck with?

I won’t speak for my wife, but I am pretty confident she would concur with the next few words. We were absolutely chosen to be the family we are today. HIS blessing was bestowed upon us in the form of each other, Austin and Logan. We were and are the ones chosen for Logan and Austin and all that entails- autism and all.

For so long we wondered, and still do sometimes, what is it we are doing? Are we doing it right, are we just bad parents. Today, for the most part I would say we are doing a great job and yes, Austin was put in our life for a reason. We were chosen by Him to be the ones to love and nurture and chaperon him and Logan into life. It was meant to be this way. The cliché is, “It was meant to be” or “It happened this way for a reason.” Sure, a cliché, but who cares. Teresa and I were meant to raise our boys- one whom happens to be extra special. We were equipped with the tools, which we often can’t find, to insure these two boys become young men. We were chosen to insure they had and have love and hope and Faith and God.

Raising any child is challenging. Any person telling you it’s easy, either isn’t a parent, they are lying or both. Raising our children isn’t a whole lot different than any other family you know. It however does take a little different approach and more constant patience. As I have said before, flexible is the key to not breaking. And with Austin, you must be flexible.

Autism is the: who, what, why, when and how of Austin. It is who he is. Would I change anything? Nope. Well keep him just like he is. He is Austin.

I Forgive You

2010-09-12T16:32:00.007-05:00

A lonely tear slides down his cheek only to end up swishing around inside his right ear. The single tear, the blank eyes, staring skyward tell you that there is something dreadfully wrong. Some kind of pain, something so horribly wrong and we weren't there to help a bit. A something that "we" allowed to happen.

A touch of blood has now etched the edges of his nose. Much like a stuffed-up nose only its his blood, and he is not moving. He lies still on this hard, cold floor. What did they do?

At this moment he is not breathing. Unconscious, non-responsive, cold to the touch...he is lost. He looks asleep save for the bloody nose and the eyes, those eyes, open and cast skyward. Of course there is the color. The chalk blue color similar to his blue(sclera) eyes we love so. Except, his skin is not supposed to be this pretty color. He is not breathing and the blue goes to a dull gray shade.

How long was he left there on the floor, not helping him, neglecting him. Was 911 called? How long did they wait? They waited. They Waited. They WAITED! WHY! What were you thinking? Our son is dying. I hate them. I hate these people. Look what they did to our baby. But we let it happen. Didn't we?

As far as I can tell, my recall of this is as accurate as I can get. I know from many accounts the details of that morning, but here's the rub: Those moments aren't what make this time in our life memorable. Its the actions- before, during and after that made this horrible event what it was, and why the imprint on our family and our psyche, at least for me, remains present, still to this day.

The obvious is that Austin could have died that morning. He was in a near-death situation at that moment, being cared for by folks we entrusted to take care of our baby. All so we could keep the income with T still working as a loans officer for a major bank in Charlotte. The decision, our ultimate choice to leave the care and rearing, at least for about 8 hours a day, to somewhat strangers, to this day, still haunts me.

Friends and co-workers espoused the virtues and love and joy this daycare we would get from putting Austin here. Like he's some kind of dog. Sorry, but if you have children in day care...you do not want to hear my take on all things daycare.

Little did we know, that when these God-fearing, Christian, family centered people we trusted...little did we know, that when there metal was tested, truly tested, would there real facade be revealed. Only then would we see the opposite of goodness. Plain and simple, evil. We were blind to the first-impressions and grand
praise for these mere people. Blinded, only to see them morph into the cruel and evil beings they would become once faced with the realization that they really messed up and someone would one day account for this.

Of course it made all the metro evening news shows. I will never forget how the stories ran. It looked like the same two or three mothers on each station...all somewhat scripted and glowing with the praise and joy they had for this daycare and how they are just God-fearing, loving people, only looking out for our children. Pure as the wind-driven-snow.

Right. Over 70 violations and cited for numerous other things. In the end, it was a slap on the wrist they got for penance from the state. At the time, North Carolina, we were told, had some of the most lax and ignorant daycare laws of all the states laws. Couple that with the fact that the owner of the daycare just so happens to have one of the top, Charlotte, hi-powered attorneys. Oh, by the way...we were never contacted by the media. Hmmm

And we did approach an attorney. Splinter fractures across the entire back of his skull. Three plate fractures surrounding those. But all in all...the lawyers- Bangle, Bangle and ButtHead(yep- the kind you see on TV), told us, "No harm No foul". So basically, unless Austin was missing a limb or some body part then we really didn't have much to go on. He was SO young and getting someone to see the true affect on someones brain at that age was just too difficult. Yes he was neglected and Yes this resulted in abuse but....not bloody enough.

But what happened to Austin? What happened at the daycare? I will get to that in a bit.

We put or first-born child's safety, well-being and overall care into the hands of a group of well-intentioned, but in the end, overwhelmed folks. We went on blind faith and it almost cost us our sons life. If these people would have been doctors than it would have been an easy case of malpractice.

For more than a decade I have harbored this guilt, anger and hatred. So much of what they did, and more so, what they failed to do. The steps that occurred still have me scratching my head. If it weren't so tragic I could laugh at the sheer stupidity of there response to our child's near death.

I am glad we never pursued the legal aspect of this but, but, I have kept this guilt and anger alive in my heart for all these years. Ever-present and festering and pulling at me...everyday. Always there, a cold, familiar crutch, not so much guiding me forward but trapping and binding me in a crippling and debilitating embrace.

I do forgive them. I can never, never answer this question though- What if.......

There is much more to this story. What happened to have Austin on the floor in the first place? What is that elusive question I always struggle with? Have we moved on, how? The aftermath- What changed because of this? I will share all of these answers and the rest of the story, the second part....in the book. Sorry, but I thought I would give you the first half of an actual chapter and let you know, there is a second half. SEE..There has to be the book, so you can get....as Paul Harvey would say.........

OK, I gotta go rewrite this now. I see some typos. Blessings

Through Blue Eyes

2010-08-28T22:30:00.009-05:00

6:00A.M.(usually much earlier)

Ahhhh. Ahhhh. Ahhhh. A-hah! Chugga, Chugga, Choo-choo. I'm up. I'm up. I'm up. It's not dark anymore so we should all be up. I am awake and Amen, it is morning. Whoooo!!! Ahhhhhh!! All that matters is I gotta do what Austin's gotta do, and it all starts right now. Time to wake up the house. We had a really good night and now we need to have a really good day. The kitchen is downstairs, and I know what awaits me- food, food, food. Food makes me feel so good and safe. Score!!

Tanancha--too-too-too. Doobdadoo. HaHaHa, Blahblahblah. Chickachicka-chickaw. WooHooooooo. I am so happy and God loves me and my mom loves me and my dad loves me and my brother sometimes loves me and my cat loves me and our dog loves me and all my friends at school love me and my new teachers love me. I love all my friends and teachers. I am so glad for my teachers that help me and love me. I love all the bad kids that are mean to me too- that's the way it should be. I love them even more.

Tikitookatikitootoo. I don't know why dad asks me what it means. I just know it makes me feel good and safe and alive, DadMan! Yeah!!! I am Austin and it is morning and I am ready to go baby! Fast forward is the only way for me. Gogogogogo. All the time and every time should be a party, with everyone invited- every day should be fun.

Hah! Let me see what mom and dad are doing. CooGoo Tootoo. Hawykk. Let me stand right beside dad's side of the bed and look at him and smile. I know I will make him happy. I will be his son who wakes him up. Why did he just scream and jump out of bed like that? Geeesh. That was cool, but why are you acting that way dad? I thought that was pretty nice and you would appreciate me waking you up. I just wanted to do something for you. Do you love me? You don't love me do you dad?

Well...mom is still asleep. Are you awake mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Hmmph. It's not dark anymore. How can she still be asleep? We only sleep when it is dark and it's not dark anymore?? And why are they getting pissy with me? All I did was get up. Geesh. Casa Gooda!

Oh well, if they don't want to get up yet, I will show them how much I love them by crawling right up between the two of them and snuggling with them. They will love that. I know that will make it all better. Holy buckets Mister Bill- they should be excited but now they are royally po'd at me. What's the dealio? I just love them and they should be excited to see me. There son, Austin, Richard Austin LeRette. They don't love me. Yes they do. Whatever. Oh, good, they love me. I feel safe now and better Whew!

O.K. They can stay right where they lay. I am off to heaven- the kitchen. The kitchen where all the ranch dressing is stashed. Thank you Lord for ranch dressing.

Ohh, Dude. Cheese, jalapenos, cheese, pepper, salt, milk and....cheese. I make the perfect omelet. Dad told me I did and I can make them so good. Start with one dozen eggs. I will leave one egg in the carton just in case anyone else wants one. Mmmmmm. I feel safe and sound and oh so comfortable. All is good. I control the kitchen and no one is around. I am at peace for now. All is good for me, Austin.

Oh boy, that is so good. Three bites, but I will save the rest for later and mom and dad will love to have what I don't eat. Why are they so mad? I just made a delicious and nutritious meal for me and there is plenty on my plate, so I will save it for them. I only used a half a bottle of ketchup, why are they so mad?

mmmmm, ggggg, zhuuuuguuu. mmmmmmm. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I MAKE THESE NOISES while I eat. For the gazillionth time, I just like to eat- it just happens. I can't explain it, so leave me alone already. Why is Logan telling me to shut up? It's an awesome omelet and he's just weird anyway.

6:30 A.M.

I don't like this shirt. Gotta change the entire outfit. Oh, now the shoes look like crap, again, another outfit. There. Much better- two entire outfits(totally clean) added to the dirty clothes pile. Why does mom get so mad at all the clothes of mine? I'm in high school now so I have to look sharp. This belt is old and ratty. One more time...

4:00P.M.

Here I come...Home from school. Yeah Baby! I gotta take off my school clothes and get on some cool threads. Oh, that's not right. O.K. Why is she getting mad? I put my dirty clothes exactly where she tells me to put them. I am listening to them. I am listening. I win. Score!

5:00 P.M.

Too much happening downstairs. I am going to where I belong- my room. My sanctuary. MY ROOM. I own my room. It is mine. It is clean and quiet and loud and orderly and in just the right style. My style. Everything is in the right place and please don't touch that! NO! They are not meant to be played with. They are supposed to be juuust so, and sit right beside each other. NO! They are not toys. They are not toys. They are figures that are made to be cool and be put in order and place. My order. I feel the best when they are like this. My doctor says this is o.k. except for when it goes wrong.

How can it go wrong? Well, all of my c.d.'s are in alphabetical order, thanks to Jim, but like tonight...they have to change. They just don't look right. Dad gave me all of his c.d.'s and movies. They are now MINE. He gave them to me. He took three movies into his room and it just totally messed up everything. What was he thinking? I have to do them all over again. This time I will do it by the kind of movie: action, funny, mom/dad kind and others. -3 hours later- while sobbing into his hands-dad...you...messed...them...all...up. Why did you do this to me? It's all wrong. I can't get them just how I want them and it's all wrong. You don't love me anymore, do you? Mom doesn't either. Do you love me dad? Ahhhh. I knew you did. Will you help me dad? Please help me. -4 hours total time-

Somewhere between 6:30 and 7:00 P.M.

O.K., they always taught me to be respectful and polite; how to ask the right way and say the right things, so, here goes. Dad, may I please-thank you very much-and your welcome-make some fettuccine and garlic bread for a nice snack? I know we just ate, but that would be a great, before bedtime snack, and you know I love Italian food. Easy as pie, and you can help me dad. Man! Excuse me dad. Don't have to be a big grouch.

Brush my teeth- check. Shower- check. Shampoo- check. Hair gel- check. Playboy-grandpa pajamas- check. Ahhhh. I did it again, all the right steps, and I feel fine. Logan could care less about it but he should. He would be a better boy if he did the things like me. I AM his older brother and I do do some things the proper way for crying out loud. This IS what you do at the end of the day. It IS dark now people! Now is when we go to bed. 8 bottles of water, refilled and lined up beside the bed- check. My order guides me.

Now, the only thing remaining is to sneak downstairs and score a snack up to bed so I can put a movie in and be ready goodnight. Popcorn with M&M's, cheese and crackers and a cinnamon roll- check. Perfect snack for me- Austin, Richard Austin LeRette. I know. I will only eat a bite of any of it, but it ALL makes me feel so good and safe and comfortable. It just makes me feel just so, just right.

9:00 P.M. Asleep- check. ahhhh. Asleep.

I don't know why I do the things I do and I know mom and dad can never possibly know why or how or what it is either. I just do the things and say the things and scream the things and ask the things I do because it just feels like the right thing to do. I need comfort and safety and security and love. Above all things I want to love and be loved. I love.

MidNight. Heavy, Heavy sighhhhh. Good night friends. Tomorrow will be here soon. We love.

Have you read more than just the most recent?

2010-08-22T14:20:00.004-05:00

We are quickly approaching the 6000 mark for visitors to the blog. I am still blown away by, not only the volume of readers, but also the reach we are attaining. Almost half of the readers are outside the continental U.S.

I am trying to rewrite about half of the posts which are going into the first book, so that is taking up a great deal of time. You have probably noticed my new posts have slowed down a bit. I have to do this in order to get the book done. Remember, the posts are only a foundation for the chapters going in the book. The final chapters are sometimes very different and unique to the post from which it came. This is good. The chapters are better! Much better.

Are you a reader who checks in and reads the post I just did? Many of you are. I would ask you to do this- Go back to April or May and read some of those posts and then try some of the earliest in late February and March. You will probably see a great bit of difference in many areas. Practice makes perfect of course. I am not a writer, but I guess that's what I am doing now. I myself am actually kind of shocked by how my content, style and overall approach has changed to writing and Austintistic.

This is a very exciting and hectic time for my book and I am most impressed and gratified by all of you who let me know that Awareness, and my quest to help it, is having an affect.

So, go back and read some old posts. I haven't written about his bone or heart problems in quite a while so search one of those "Moments" and let me know how you like them. For now I will continue working on making the posts into the best possible chapters, "Moments" I can muster. I figure the first book will be comprised of my favorite 40-50 posts so that in and of itself will be a challenge.

I will try to get out a new post in the next week or so. Until then, get aware and learn about something of which you may know little. BAwareShare. Scott

Bovine B & B

2010-08-15T20:29:00.005-05:00

The day has been beautiful in so many ways. The windows are open and the air has been turned off. It is Sunday and it has been glorious. But that is behind us. We have a mission. We motor down the street on our favorite 3.5 mile course. I am hoping he can go the whole way with only a few stops. He is turning a out to be a very fine runner.

I am tingling all over at the cool temps, but more so for the joy I have- running with Austin. I watch as he strides ahead of me with those long lean legs. His left leg swings a little bit as it does and I watch with pride as he tries his best. He wants to show his dad...he can do what his brother does. I don't care about that Austin, but I let him go. We reach Division street and he comes to complete stop. Not a pause, but a halt, for full affect. Something is wrong.

He is facing away but he turns his head to me. Their are tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. Oh man, what is up? He takes two steps and envelops me in a near bone-crushing bear hug and sobs. He lets it out, the tears fall, right their in the middle of the street. I hold him for several minutes before I ask him what's the matter.

"I'm gunna get fat, and out of shape, and I am going to die if I don't run. You and Mom told me I was getting a "pooch" and I know if I get out of shape I could die", he sobs. Whoooh. We did mention his little pooch. Austin has grown a tremendous amount this summer. He has gotten so tall, his shoulders are coming in to their own and yes, he has gotten a "cute" little tum-tum. He has been so rail-thin since forever, we didn't see his growth as anything but normal.

We make a slow turn a walk home. Shoulder to shoulder. No words are said. Nor are they needed. All he wants to be is with his dad right now. That's all I would ever want.

Austin lives in such a literal world that is just something that I am only starting to understand. Words for him really mean things. No, they REALLY mean things. Something as seemingly benign as his mom and dad making a joking remark about his baby love-handles really hit him hard. I made the comment right before I was going out for my run. Two minutes later he was on the front steps with his Brooks on his feet and water bottle in hand.

For the longest time I always thought Austin would outgrow many of his "things". Even Autism, for which I was in the longest period of denial, I thought he too, would outgrow that. Of course I now know better. But now I see new things. Things that set him off. Things that really bother him and make his day go south.

Large noisy crowds, loud t.v.(when it is not his), parties, people staring or talking about him(more on this another day) and really any situation where there is competing stimuli for his attention. These situations can and often do confuse, upset and leave him running for the car or to his room- his refuge. His sanctuary, where he can turn his own t.v. loud and play his own music louder. He will sing at the top of his lungs with those doors closed. I know, very hard to understand. Maybe its just a situation where HE is in control.

So much of Autism is social. Social interactions, relationships and communication. We never know what will be the stress that pushes him too far or punches the right button. Sometimes we just don't know and it is so difficult to come up with the remedy to help our son. Sometimes it's not needed. Sometimes someone swoops in and saves the day. Many people help us but one who is truly a saint and a person who goes above and beyond for us but more so for Austin is my best friend, Jim. We love Jim and his entire family.

Jim has an uncanny way of popping in at the perfect moment to save the day. This not only makes Austins day, but helps us and gives us some sort of respite that we could never repay or explain.

Austin will park it at Jim's house for the night in order to get up at O-dark thirty to go feed cattle. Austin of course goes through the ritual nighttime steps to get ready for bed. Just the right food, ranch included and then a movie. All this while I am sure Jim is long asleep.

Then morning comes. Oh, the sun rising is still fast asleep. But they are off to the feed lot to work the many cows patiently waiting. The Dan Phelps Feed Lot. The Original Bovine Bed & Breakfast, Stennett, Iowa. Population- several thousand, depending on the market fluctuations.

Austin loves mixing the feed and getting in the huge truck to feed out in a precise manner the feed to each pen. My dudeman Jim says that he normally falls asleep on his shoulder about halfway through feeding, but he just loves to be in that truck. Working the cows.

Lunchtime hits and its off to all of our favorites greasy spoon, the Rainbow Cafe. I think this is what makes the trip for Auz. He is with his and my bubba, Jim. He is doing something really cool and he gets to eat at the "Bow".

We know that Auz is safe and sound. We know he is having fun and maybe, just maybe, he is making someone elses day too. Austin loves you dude.

People like Jim get it. He knows Austin- Jim is AWARE. He also knows the value of friends and family and what they mean to someone dealing with a loved one needing special care and attention. He just happens to know, as if a sixth sense, when he needs to "pluck" Austin from our home to Auz's delight and our utmost appreciation. Thanks Jim.

You wanna be like Jim? BAwareShare Get out the zone and do something!

Latin for "one"

2010-08-08T15:43:00.006-05:00

I write this in the middle of an Austin, full-blown meltdown. "I didn't do anything!" He has said this over fifty times. He has said it so many times I forgot what he was even angry about. He is so worked up that all things in the house come to a complete standstill. Nothing, nothing can carry on until this is dealt with and brought to an end. He has now assumed the position, on our bed, asleep. Painful and calming very long and deep sighhh.

Meltdowns are something I have touched on several times but this moment does not regard them, but something equally or more important- the word "autism", what people's perception is, stereotypes and the common things Austin displays of the average autistic kid. Remember, as I have said, most folks can't tell you the textbook definition of the word, but I want to show you the things that make up what Autism is. There are a few common things you will see with all autistic peoples. Like the rainbow, all autistics will and can present in an infinite number of fashions, but they all display these common attributes.

I will start with this:

"So, what's your name. Who are you? Where do you live? Do you have any kids? My name is Austin, Richard Austin LeRette." Austin stretches, reaches out with both arms to give the new friend or stranger a big hug. He is the king of hugs. He often does this and not so much shocks but surprises the huggee. "I love you." He normally says this to you- new friend or stranger alike. He will call them all his newest best friend.

He continues, "I love your hair. That is so cool. Did you do that on purpose? It kinda looks like a porcupine and a skunk. That is the bomb-diggity!" He will say this with all the sincerity and heart available. As he slings the back-handed insult, he tries to compliment, thinks he has succeeded.

Face-rubbing, tics, pointer-finger to thumb- tap, tap, tap on the seams of his jeans as he continues. He is excited, nervous, completely giddy to be meeting someone new. "Can you come over to my house and play and then cookout with us?" This is common and predictable.

I am not sure if you have picked up on the references noted above that showcase the common threads you can see in all autistic children. These things put the "is" in "What Autism is". Before I try to illuminate you all I would posit a question to you all- Are you like me, and think of Autism as the special person you saw on 60-Minutes or maybe Dustin Hoffman in Rainman? Someone with super-hero powers and savant abilities. Someone who has bombastic verbal outbursts of swearing and gibberish. A child jerking and jumping and tapping and ticcing?

I always get the question, "What can he do?" I know exactly what and possibly why, as soon as the question leaves there lips, where they are going with it. Perception is reality and stereotypes abound because of this. In the general publics eye, the average autistic person IS Rainman, Forrest Gump or some other savant with a acutely tuned knack for something really unique or extraordinary. These people do exist, but they are only a part, a piece of the autism puzzle. In fact, most affected do not have these savant characteristics, but are still extremely unique.

By example, Austin will recall the lady who drew his blood at Children's Hospital in Omaha, over a year later. What she was wearing, her jewelery, hair color, her name, all of it to a T. But then you ask him what 2 + 2 is and he has to really think about it and counts fingers. There is also his ability to put a puzzle together from the middle instead of the edges first like most people do. Hmm?

Before I explain the common threads I want to tell you about a friend of mine. His name is Tom. Mr. Tom Sullivan. Tom is blind, but I find it very hard to say Tom has a disability. He was an All-American wrestler, a mid-80's golfer, an avid snow-skier and a climber of many mountains. He was one the most frequent guests on the Tonight Show(with Johnny), a star on "Touched By An Angel" as well as writing much of its music and had a tremendous movie several years ago called "If You Could See What I Hear." Tom is part of an extremely exclusive group of individuals to ever sing the national anthem at The Superbowl. He plays a mean piano and is very much an unstoppable human being.

I had the privilege of having Tom come to Omaha to speak and perform before a large meeting I was hosting through work. I thought it would be the right thing to do to go ahead and get him a small gift to welcome him to Omaha. As I was thinking and searching for the perfect thing to show him in just the right way my appreciation, I stopped looking, I found it. What I found was a really popular book. It was a best-seller and looked really cool. The book was about the history and background of sign-language. Think for a minute...... I bought him a book on Sign Language.

Tom is blind. He is not deaf. He is not paralyzed. He is not in a wheelchair. He is blind. I just bought a blind man a book on signing. I am a dork. But, but WHY did I buy this book? That is the question and therein lies the issue of perception I elude to.

I was in the presence of something foreign. My friends blindness. Just like you who may be close to my son one day- it may be very foreign and new to you. Perception IS reality so often, but it can and often is WRONG and this can be both frustrating and sometimes harmful.

To dispel much of this I continue to share and grow awareness. One way is to discuss the the commonalities I mentioned earlier. Austin introduces himself, gives a hug, makes some missteps in delivering a compliment and steps back ticcing and rubbing his face and sides. Its all in there. Three things, plain as day to me.

Vocal or Language Cues. The words, delivery or combination of the two make up the first of three things autistic children present. Social Cues. The overall presentation in any given setting. Lastly, Physical Cues. The movements, motions or repetitive nature displayed in the setting.

A brain disorder that affects the social, language and physical demeanor of an individual. This is my definition of what Autism is, based on all I have learned, read and gathered. I think its a pretty good and accurate description.

Autism. aut=latin for "one" The oneness or self of an autistic person is just what it is. I am learning how this simple point is so relevant. I, we can't begin to understand or know how an autistic person, feels, thinks and lives. Autism is a THING that physically and mentally affects THEM. Them alone, as in "one".

I have these moments where I am with Austin and find myself just staring at him and wondering. I wonder about all the questions I know may never be answered. Questions about how he feels when something is happening. When he is happy or sad and why. Why he cries when someone stares at him or is happy when he gets to take a bath instead of a shower. I find myself in these times just looking at him, not saying a word and wondering. I wish I could could crawl on in that brain of his and see whats going on. Let me help you son. But no, its his thing. It's his "one". My beautiful ONE.

I Don't Know - Entertaining Angels

2010-07-31T22:58:00.008-05:00

I don't know. I don't know what this means.

It always begins this way. It's hard to really define the precise moment, reason or event that precipitates the actions, but one thing is certain: Austin is trying to manage, cope or process something and he is having troubles.

It usually starts with the left eyebrow, rubs over to the right eyebrow and a drag of the hand down that side of the face. Then, right brow, left brow and down the other side. Rub, rub, scratch, rub-rub. He then takes and hand and rubs fiercely, his upper lip and nose. Fast, fast, fast. He can't do it fast enough or long enough. Why is he doing this? I don't know.

Austin then grinds both palms of his hands into his eyes. Hard. Rub, rub, rub. He is crushing his palms into his beautiful chalk-blue eyes. Look him in the eyes one day. Because of his OsteoGenisis-Imperfecta, he has no true white(sclera), his entire eye looks this gorgeous blue. Its called blue-sclera. I could tell you all about it but I would bore you to tears. I digress.

He continues this process, over and over and over again. To watch it you would think there was an unseen force guiding his hands in a rapid and chaotic dance of sorts. Many times it looks like he has no clue it is happening.

"Austin, What are you doing?" I ask him. "I don't know dad", he replies. I don't know. I push him to try and explain what is going on but he only gets more agitated. "I want it out of my head Dad. Make it go away. I hate autism", he says. what can I say to this. I don't know.

His face now looks like 12 rounds with Tyson, and he didn't fair to well. He is beet red with dark bags under each eye. He is hurting and I have very little to reach for to help him with this?

So often I can see that he just can't help it. It's so mechanical, robotic and synchronised. While this is happening, you can tell that Austin is off in a far away place. He is thinking of something. Trying to tackle and get over a hump, a problem, something. Where is he? I don't know.

As he pushes through these moments of torment and anguish, they are always interspersed with enormous pauses and breathtaking sighs. Huuuuuum. aaaaaaaaah. Just simple, very quiet, but ever dramatic actions that need no words. These are not sighs of joy, wonder or even boredom. They are of anxiety, struggle and coping. He is trying for something. Something.

We, as I think is appropriate, spend so much of our time and effort concentrating on his state-of-mind and well-being for obvious reasons. We are trying to fix him. Hah. How do we fix something no one knows how to fix. This is another moment for another day but, how are we to help our son with these things? Things we can't comprehend, decipher or understand. And I still struggle.

We find ourselves so caught up in the mental makeup of our boy that we can often forget something that I have been concentrating on more and more these days. His physical well-being.

His body- heart, bones, back. They have all taken a beating. I think of the breaks, surgeries and healing and am somewhat in awe of my son to just digest exactly what he is all about. I have found a very reliable way to see exactly how Austin is doing. How his day is going, how he is fairing. Just look him in the eyes. His eyes have the tales to tell. Austins eyes really do show you much.

I will share with you a simple analogy that, for me at least, may shine a bit of light on the heartache and pain Austin can and does endure.

You are probably aware of Austin's fondness, some would say, obsession with food. But he also has a very special place in his wonderful little heart for Strawberry shakes. Before a single bite of burger is bitten, he will polish off said Strawberry shake. He doesn't just finish it. He destroys it. Down to the bottom. You know what I'm talkin about- slllllurp, schlluuuup. ahhhh. All the sounds that are a dead giveaway for someone doing just this. We have all done it and you know when someone is in process. The all familiar sound of a milkshake disappearing.

This friends is how Austin lives life. All and everything, to the last drop. Not Folgers, but you get the point. He does everything to the utmost and everlasting end with ever fiber of his being. Therein lies the struggles we often find Austin trying to deal with every day.

Austin, like many autistic children, lives for the moment and lives for it he does. He lives for extreme highs and suffers with the crashing lows. There are very few calm and collected moments of chill and respite in his brain. At least from what i can see. He pushes the chips all-in and wants to devour every drop of the milkshake called life.

When he comes down....it is in a crashing blaze and fury. There is no calm resignation with a sigh denoting, "I'm tuckered, whew!" No. Once down, you can see the hurt.

Take a moment and think about this- "What do YOU think of when you think of a special/autistic person?"

He hurts and he endures. So many broken bones, casts, splints and crutches. I am sure breaking your back hurts(2x) God bless him. A shattered elbow requiring reconstruction with pins and screws. All that from jumping into a pool. I'll bet that hurt dude. Multiple fractures to his skull from an horrific daycare nightmare. Do you think that hurt? Getting his chest cracked open to repair a huge hole and reposition some veins. And then have it all sewn and wired shut. I bet that hurt just a touch.

His legs, scoliosis. The right leg is almost two inches longer than the left. Constantly causes his back to hurt. You can really see it when he is tired and running. The swing of the right leg becomes even more pronounced. What about the micro-fractures in his ankles he endures ALL the time? I bet Austin has an idea of what the word "hurt" means.

What does this have to do with Autism. That's not the point of this moment. However, it does all tie in to the kind of person, in Austin, who he is.

Austin knows pain and struggle and hurt like many of us will never know. I know I won't. Add it all up all while not understanding what half the crap means(autism), I think he has the right to some of the feelings, actions and being that he is. I can see much of the appearance of my son but often times I know I can not feel the pain inside of him. I wish I could help him more. to see and feel and understand. This can be such a helpless feeling. The volume, duration and repetitive nature that constructs how his life evolves is purely at the mercy of someone and something else. It wears him down. We watch it and try to be there when he lands.

Everybody has pain, struggle, obstacles and other personal junk to deal with. we all do. So does Austin. But Austin is at a different level. One that we can seldom reach him at. How does he do it? How does he do it?

All with a smile and a hug. He wakes up ready to take on the world. And does he. The chips are always, all-in.

But isn't there something else? I don't know. Ask his Angels. Only they can possibly know.

I don't know.

ps- There is so much we all don't know about Autism. Even the experts. This is why WE must continue to push forward and make awareness the key to it all. Awareness is vital. Hopefully, reading this, you learned one small thing. I wanted to show the grab-bag of things on Austin's plate, day in and day out. It matters. gb BAwareShare

Gone To Carolina, In My Mind

2010-07-24T22:43:00.007-05:00

His eyes roll up in his head, just a touch, followed by the softest of smiles. He then looks down in peace. Not the quiet of one in reflection, but a quiet of the sleeping tired soul. Teleported to a place and time I'm sure I could never comprehend or feel.

His head snaps up as he stares at me. Again, the little tell-tale smile. Just a small tic of the lips, enough to tell me that Austin is checking out, shutting down.

He never convulses or is racked with contortions on the ground in the throws of a grand-mal seizure. No. Austin simply and quietly lets go. Petis-mal.

And then comes sleep. A sleep I could only wish for. Among the so many things about Autism I don't understand, seizures and what they consist of for our son is such a mystery. They look so painless and simple, yet they have an obvious toll on him. Whether we get him from school or he is out playing in the yard; the physical affect is both obvious and powerful. He will sleep though the afternoon clear through to the next morning.

Austin has a handful of these a month and we are thankful that his teachers, friends and family who have a pretty good idea when they ocurr, what they look like, how they present.

Why does he have these seizures? Who knows? That is just one more thing that makes this crazy worldwide phenomenon of Autism such an often-times frustrating thing. We do know this: There are many things about our son that we will never began to understand and comprehend. What makes this ever more complex is the fact that the experts, clinicians and thought leaders aren't that much further ahead of us. Sure, there are great leaps and bounds with technology and therapy, but the fact remains that we have a very long way to go. Awareness?

Why do Autistic children do the things they do? Verbal outbursts, physical gyrations, repetitions and movements, obsessions, compulsions and rituals- can we really say, "Oh, Yeah, she did this because of xyz."

I see it this way- Austins brain, like yours and mine, is made up of billions of cells, neurons, synapses, connections and parts. A massive collection of microscopic proportions only the finest of neurological plumbers can begin to understand. I stress the word BEGIN. Steven Pinker, a very fine author regarding the brain leads me to many of the new thoughts I have about understanding this organism. You have heard the saying, "I have forgotten more than you will ever know" or "He has more sense in the tip of his pinky..." Pinker confirms for me that the only thing we know about the brain is that the more we know the more we realize how so very much we DONT know about it. In fact, should we or can we really, truly think we will ever figure out precisely how the brain works? One final thought from this fine author- he describes the brain in an analogy something along the lines of a car motor or even a computer. One part like a distributor cap or a faulty line of computer code can bring the entire motor to a screeching halt or the computer crashing down. He stresses- one minute piece can bring it all to a stop.

I heard once that even the smartest of smart only utilize a fraction of their brain capacity- single digit percentages. So what is going on with the other 90% of the gray matter up to anyway? More to not know. See a pattern here?

As we have watched Austin grow up I have become more and more acutely aware of the things he says and does. Why did he say that or what made him do this? It has become somewhat of a fascination for me because, No, I may not get it figured out, but it helps me get a better feel and understand of what makes Austin tick.

I want to share with you a few things to hi lite some of what I have described above and a few more thoughts that shed light or at least help us see IT better. The whys, whats, hows and huhs.

In the scope of my somewhat limited wisdom I can condense my clinical(lamens) knowledge down to this- We don't know, Can't know, Aren't supposed to know and will never know, much of what we don't currently understand. I will share this showing you three unique observations.

1- Austin sees, feels and tastes things in a unique and personal way, totally unto himself. I have only recently started to understand this. Some of these observations were confirmed recently when Teresa showed me something she found on a fellow Twitterer's page. I think it was from MyAutisticSons page. Hope I'm right, sorry if not. The post on this page was something along the lines of "Sensory Overload Stimulation." It had an attached YouTube video showing an ASD's perception of a cartoon clip and how they saw, heard and processed it and then described it.

Volume fluctuating from soft to blaring loud. Fuzzy lines and edges with images skipping and colliding. There was much more, but it so reminds me of Austin and the way he talks to us in describing an event or just how he is doing during a trivial thing.

Austin will stay in his room, often times for hours. He spends this time arranging and rearranging his books, cd's, dvd's and toys- all while his T.V. is at MAX level volume. He says he likes it that way because he knows for sure its on and he's not alone. But then you take it to another scenario- Moonlight Bowling. Loud, shiny, crowded and flashing disco balls. This has been the classic place for and we have seen a few seizures from times just like this. Is it a combination of the things that triggers it all? I think the multiple stimuli is certainly playing into the equation that makes the timing perfect for one to happen.

2- Austin is so very typical of the average teenage boy- he loves video games, music, movies and t.v. What and how he approaches these things can be a very different matter. I have watched Austin read the game manual of an XBox game many times, but if you watch closely you can see more precisely what he is doing. He reads and rereads the credits, liner pages and warnings notes. He is fascinated by the copyright, trademark and disclaimers of the particular game. He will then ask me about them and tell me the TM(not sure what it stands for)means its there game. They made it so we have to buy it from them. Interesting. What kid reads these things? Uh, zero of them. Most kids don't even look at a game instruction booklet. Never. "Why did they make this game? When did they make it? Who created it? How did they create it?"

Why is Austin asking these far out questions? Most kids could give a flip about any of this, but for Austin, he wants to know. He wants to know something. What does he want or why is he asking these questions?

3- Austin will try to tell us something(common occurrence) when he is overly excited, animated and intent. You know he wants to tell us something, explain something cool, but the more eager and intent he is, the more we don't understand what he is explaining or asking. And the more he tries, he gets frustrated, as do we in return. We have no earthly idea what he is saying.

We get to the point sometimes that we are annoyed or angry, I admit. But the more we don't understand him, the more he pushes forward. It can be a vicious cycle.

Reception. Processing. Translation. These three words are what I believe get tweaked in our sons brain. Some where on the path, a wire is crossed, a pipe is clogged or a pistons not firing, causing a whole host of things to change. Change.

There is a final point to be made here and it pertains to number 3, the last example I gave you. This I think really is profound so I want you to remember and think about what I will describe.

After Austin has one of those times where WE fail to recognise and understand what he is saying, a peculiar thing may happen. It may be a week, a month or even a year goes by, but these moments are most memorable and not all uncommon. Someone else may say or do something. It may be a simply random comment from a friend or a stranger. It could be in person, on a billboard or off of a t.v. show. Teresa will look at me and say, "Oh my. Did you hear that?" Something happened which triggers our memory of what Austin was trying to unsuccessfully explain to us and after seeing something that was somewhat similar is seen in another context, it makes total sense.

We had gotten a bit annoyed, angry or just brushed off what he was saying as being silly, whatever. In reality, the way HE saw it and then translated it was something beyond OUR own understanding. He knew what he wanted us to know and hear but his brain just translated it in a fashion that was Greek to us. You with me? What he was trying to tell us was right.

Sometimes it was a complex and detailed description of an event or subject and we did not give him more time and interest than we maybe should have. But, but we are learning and that is important(this is called AWARENESS). How Auz sees things may never be like the average bear, but then again, who wants to be average. Right Auz?

ps- Why the title? Cool state, Auz was born their and its a great song. Listen to it sometime, think of Austin and smile. Have a great day.

Joe Interviews Logan

2010-07-18T22:07:00.012-05:00

I am having this intense conversation the other day. We go back and forth for the longest of times, never quite figuring out whom was right and whom(him) was wrong. Of course I am right. We were stuck on the subject of Austintistic and how much it consumes me and much of my energy and time. Friends, family, no matter who it is- I like to talk about Austintistic, the book, the blog and whats going on. This IS what I am doing. This IS what has become, outside of Faith, Family and job, what consumes me and much of my time. Growing awareness for our sons being and what it stands for, is and has becoming something of a calling, and that's my story so...

Do friends and family get tired of me and my ever, er, never-ending commentary on my blog, FBook page and in conversations I have with whoever will listen? I don't know. All I can fall back on is to remember what and why I am doing it. As long as I keep the main thing the main thing, that's what the main thing is(saying of an old boss), then I feel fine. I tell Joe, who I am bantering with, I know I am doing good works here. Good works for my son, our family and special needs, autism specifically- something that needs great focus and attention. I win the argument.

I do however, catch myself from time to time, pulling up short with a friend or family member when maybe my exuberance for which I flow is just too much. Joe tells me that sometimes I just need to take a breath and have a chill pill. I get it and I understand. However good and noble and exciting my mission is, not everyone wants to hear every single detail and iota of it day in and day out.

I'm not sure why I am sharing this but I will tell you this... I am and will continue to raise the bar of awareness for my son and every other Autistic child and family that lives with the challenges, struggles and uphills we all face every day. I want to do it in an informative and humorous manner while sometimes being shocking to make a point or subtle to hi lite a beautiful touch of love or insight.

Joe goes away dejected and beaten. I cleaned his clock in an artful and masterful fashion. So who is Joe? Joe is the dude I talk to when I need to say something. Yep, I'm one of those guys who's talks to himself. It started many years ago while on summer break from college. Mom caught me in a little talk I was having with myself and she about cried herself to death. She thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I asked why that was the case since a lot of people do the same, talk to themselves. "Well Scotty, you're right on that account but most people don't answer the person they are talking with and carry on a two-way dialog, rebuttals included." Ever since then, to this day, mom will kid me about Joe, my not so silent partner.

There...I just shared a little bit of my soul with you. I have an imaginary friend that YES, I do carry on two way conversations from time to time. Maybe some of the ocd/add and all its quirky, goofy things have a bit to do with genetics? Maybe the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree if you know what I mean. I often wonder about genetics and sometimes I find myself seeing bits of me in Austin and what if...what if...

This "Moment" doesn't end here. No. Were just getting started. Seeing as I am baring a bit of my inner goofball, why not dive in all the way. Living with Austin and all the craziness we harbor, well, its a wonder we all don't have these "Joe's" running around the house. But hey, if it gets you by, then I am all for it. You with me? In fact, just the other day.... I caught my alter-ego spoutting off and it went something like this-

JOE: Logan, you are 13 and Austin is your Autistic brother. You have been there for the late night hospital trips, the missed movies and fun outings cut short. You have seen the broken bones and tears shed. You are part of an extraordinary family for sure. What is and does Autism mean to you?

LOGAN: That's tough(long pause and hesitation). It's a disorder where he can't follow directions. His OCD crap is pretty obvious and a whole bunch of stuff that only God could possibly understand. How could we even begin to understand some of this? I don't know and I have lived with it for thirteen years.

JOE: Is it hard to live with, deal with? What's the hardest stuff?

LOGAN: Austin just gets on your nerves, but you get used to it. Kind of like a mosquito that won't go away. Part of my life.

JOE How do you deal with it?

LOGAN: I ignore it, or I get mad and yell at him.

JOE: What do you love most about your brother and being in this family with him?

LOGAN: He's so funny. I have never met a single person quite like Austin. Not even close. Austin is just so amazing and unique and different.

JOE: How HAS it all affected you?

LOGAN: I am not sure. I think the premise of the question is stupid because this is all I have ever known, so not sure what you want here.

JOE: What is the best thing about your brother and his Autism?

LOGAN: Isn't that the same as question as two questions ago JOE!? O.K...the more I research and learn about Autism, I know it means- the more I learn about my brother, so I like to google a lot about Autism. I like reading all the details about it and it helps me know Austin better.

JOE: How do you see social settings, friends, girls etc and the affect they have on Austin and how does it make you feel?

LOGAN: Most girls really like him- they dig him and think he is funny. Some boys are mean and want to beat him up and it makes me want to throw up.

JOE: Do you're parents discipline the two of you differently? Should they?

LOGAN: Yes and no. I punch him in the nuts and I get grounded for two weeks and he does it and nothing. Nothing, bogus. I know were different but, there is a difference in it somewhere.

JOE: Since your brother is, lets say, "High-Maintenance", do you feel neglected or forgotten sometimes?

LOGAN: NO. I feel like they give me more than I deserve.

JOE: What do you do to help your brother?

LOGAN: I try to give him advice about a lot of different things. Girls, friends, but its hard. He won't stop and actually listen to what I am trying to get across. It depends on if he is mad or he won't listen.

JOE: Do you ever just watch him to see other peoples reactions to him?

LOGAN: Yes, all the time. Lunch at school- people crack up at his jokes and cheer him on at school dances when they watch him do his crazy solo moves. He has some funky dance moves. People like my brother.

JOE: Do you stick up for and support your brother?

LOGAN: Yes. Someone once called him a "Tard" and did the limp hand/arm thing and I got in the kids FACE. I don't want to talk about this question anymore. What I do to help him is private.

JOE: How does it make you feel when other kids make fun of him?

LOGAN: It makes me sick. Not to my stomach, but in my mind. It hurts and its degrading??

JOE: What do people not know about Austin?

LOGAN: Plain ignorance is all I can say. MOST people just don't know a thing about what Austin has/is, Autism.

JOE: What would you tell them?

LOGAN: Just learn what Autism IS and get Aware.

JOE: Does Austin embarrass you Logan?

LOGAN: No, but sometimes when around friends, they are my friends ya know.

JOE: You often make comment that you are supposed to be the "little" brother but it often feels the other way around. What do you mean?

LOGAN: Cuz I know more about the "Natural" life than he does, some things he just can't understand.

JOE: When you get mad, do you feel its because he is autistic and if he weren't he wouldn't be able to get away with some stuff?

LOGAN: Come on man! Mom and dad know he gets away with crap that I don't get to. You can see it in his face.

JOE: Is Austin your best friend?

LOGAN: Yes, because he's my brother, my only brother. I am not just saying that cuz its an interview. I mean it.

JOE: You have more boy and girl friends to shake a stick at. What do you think about if you consider how Austin lives and hangs?

LOGAN: I don't know and I can't know how he thinks, but I'm sure it sucks.

JOE: What is the one thing you would better like to understand about your brother?

LOGAN: Not sure but I think I need to get better at not freaking out like I sometimes do. Maybe anger management dude. That's my answer.

JOE: Your dad wants to know why you wear a stocking cap all Summer long?

LOGAN: Are you serious? It's great at hidin bed-head and I like it.

Joe: What is your favorite Austin hat?

LOGAN: His plaid Kangol(beanie), with the orange lining, turned backwards. He's got some cool hats man.

JOE: What is your favorite Austin "Moment"?

LOGAN: Without a doubt- "Chick-A-Chickawwww" That cool line from the theme song in Farris Beuhler that he loves to say. Chick-A-Chickawwww. I love that.

JOE: Why do you love your brother?

LOGAN: Cuz he's my brother. There is nothing I can't love about him. He's mine.

Chick-A-Chickawww

ps- I share a tiny bit of dorkiness about me, in my noggin, but in the end it's no biggie after all I am offering up to you about our family and more importantly, our son. All to bring you to better understanding into what Autism IS and is not. BAwareShare

Let's Make A Deal

2010-07-13T21:58:00.009-05:00

I know you all have those days. You know, the ones where you wish you could just make your kids disappear for a day or two, or a week, or a month. Better yet, do you wish YOU could vanish to someplace magical, like Fiji, Maui or St. Barts. I see me and T in the Corona commercial. Just us, me with a pair of swim trunks and T in a hat, bathing suit of course. Teresa drinking a LavaFlow and me a virgin Colada. Oh me oh my. Who knows, maybe Omaha would do the trick. For me the locale need not be important. Just the ability to be able to, on occasion, leave the rat race and the boys, behind.

As you may know, I have sought respite in my favorite closet in my office more than once . Even for five minutes to just have a...piece...of...quiet. Just a brief moment to take a couple of deep breaths, clear my mind until I had to open the door and take the two short steps back into reality. Yes, they are usually funny times- Austin running around the house calling me all of his goofy names, "Dad, you snicker-doodle, I know you're hiding. I will get you." I smile anytime I am reminded by these moments. In fact, many, many moments That Austin creates are routinely, comical. He is one funny dude.

In reality, most folks CAN get away and lose themselves for a long weekend, for whatever reason. We do too when we are blessed with these opportunities, but they are few and far between and often times a challenge to get adequate care for Austin. We could leave Logan with a box of Twinkies and his XBox and he'd be fine for a long weekend or even a week. In fact he would welcome the deal.

We thank God everyday for the life, our boys, our friends and the path we are following. We also realize that we need help, respite and support for us to stay sane, remain focused and grow strong- as a family, in Faith and example. That is why, for any family living with challenges and unique needs, I feel it is so extremely important to surround yourself with loving, caring and supportive friends and family. Of course the need for whatever type of Faith you follow, is a need that can't be skimped on. Not one bit. I stress it and say again, "We do need help." No there is no emergency. I am speaking somewhat figuratively to the fact that we can't do this all the time by ourselves and we have to rely more on our support system.

Getting away for these types of moments has been harder than you can imagine, but today I see them as ever more important. Ever since Austin first fell and had the terrible incident at daycare as an infant, Teresa has always maintained a level of grief and guilt that only Faith and strength can overcome. To this day she maintains a level of trust, or distrust of the care of Austin to anyone but us a and a few friends and family. I will touch on this more in a bit.

O.K., so here's the dealio. Maybe you know our son Austin but most of you don't. Maybe you know someone like Austin or maybe you don't. Either way, if you are at all familiar with a family that has an autistic person I am sure you get, in a general sense, some of the issues and obstacles that family may be incurring on a daily basis. I can say that my family and friends, some of them anyway, get to see Austin and get to spend some good time with him. Time to see and witness him in various different settings and environments. They have possibly seen him have a meltdown, a seizure or even just be out-there, off-the-range goofy. Maybe he was over-the-top excited and showing it in all his glory, on the other hand he may have been silent and downright withdrawn. Regardless of what you have seen- do you really GET what Autism is?

This is a kind of dilemma. You all can't come and live with me. As much as I would like that, I don't think you OR I would want that. I will just spell it out as clearly as I can without trying to sound like a prig. The average person can not know what it is like- what happens every day. Unless you have spent time in a home for more than a day or a few hours, you just can't see what I mean when I say this is something that does not go away or get better. Autism is a blessing that is like that one thing Eddie Murphy talks about in Beverly Hills Cop- It's like Luggage.

Maybe you are sitting there thinking I am being a little over the top harsh and insensitive to my son.....get over it. Just kidding. Its just the facts man. There are days that are simply challenging. Then there are days that are off the charts blisteringly sucky and then again the days where we feel we need a hospital for Austin and therapy for us.

Part of the reason we now see the need for time away and more help and respite is the toll that dealing with a special child can have on a family and a relationship. IT DOES. Something I am coming to see is the fact that T is starting to overcome her guilt. She has always thought that her decision and choice of a well-recommended daycare was her fault. Of course it wasn't but still. it has eaten at her for years. So, her way of dealing with that has been to really be selective in our childcare or to just amend our plans. Often times just not doing many things we may have to instead do something with the boys. Yes, we do and do so much with our boys, which we love, need and should do, but we see the light- we also need a life and times and moments away from are darling little cherubs. T and I need US time.

Do you think you know what an Autistic person goes through on a daily basis? There are a few people who know us and Austin well enough to answer the question in the affirmative. I'm not asking you to come spend time with us or feel sorry cuz its so doggone tough sir. O'contrare(something like that), BUT, BUT get aware. Learn about Autism. Learn about this global phenomenon. This near epidemic issue is real and it is bigger than you can imagine. It also probably affects someone you know or love. The sad thing is that although many people have heard the word "autism", most people can't explain to you what it is with a clear definition. What makes this even more difficult is that many of the academics and clinical gurus and experts are having a tough time with it too. Maybe that's why our government has such a (I'll say it again) sucky view and commitment to the cause. This folks is why AWARENESS is the only way we can and will be heard.

Let's make a deal- Google or Wiki Autism and read about it for five minutes and then tell your spouse or friend what you learned. If you do this....The first fifty to comment they have done this will get FREE corndogs for a year AND, AND you can spend a week with the boys while were off to Fiji. By the way...if you believe this deal just ask Will Ferrell and the Tropic Thunder Basketball team about corndogs. Hah! I love you all. gb

Cool, But Is It Fiction?

2010-07-07T21:56:00.004-05:00

Lately I have had a recurring question put to me via FaceBook, Twitter and in person. That question goes something like this- The blog is pretty amazing, but it's fiction, right? You're telling me these stories are all real? Seriously, just the last few weeks this question has come up more than I can remember. I have always described what I am doing is raising awareness by sharing what we have been through over the last fifteen years, and it is real(read: non-fiction). Our family and what we "Are" is a funny, crazy, scary, sad, inspiring and many times, gut-wrenching example of life on life's terms. You get what you get, and that's that. And what we got is not your typical white-picket fence, Beaver Cleaver family. Oh, we are far from boring. I don't think we are any more dysfunctional than any other family but we are indeed a little off the ranch when it comes to the word typical.

The moments I write about are often times funny, I am told. Other times they are heart-breaking and touching. And then there are times where, even when I reread them, they may give you pause, make you think and sometimes cry. I think it's great that you read these chapters and "enjoy" them. After all, I am doing this to entertain AND inform- to do my part to raise awareness to a need that is extremely misunderstood and often times neglected, Autism that is.

What I need to lay out for you today is more of the true meaning of living with Autism. I will show you how aside from the funny posts and quirky behavior of my beloved son, living with Autism...is...HARD. And I am not the one who has it. This is about what happens on a day where it goes from tough to "Oh My God" very quickly.

Have you ever relaxed in a favorite recliner in your living room or a nice chair on your patio and just read a book? You know what I am talking about- just you, a great read, maybe a glass of wine or a Coke and some good ole quiet "me" time. Maybe it's a nice warm bubble-bath if that's what you fancy or a little time watching something good on the tube. Pretty typical thing that happens in most households on any given day. Right?

Think again. Living with an Autistic child makes this wonderful little slice of Heaven near impossible. Think about it. Autism is a living, breathing, evolving, ever-changing and moving target, and it does not rest. Like a friend recently said to me- "Autism, It's not a disease where you take a pill and it gets better. Nor is it contagious." It is what it is. It is just what Austin is.

I am not sure where to start. Austin wants attention all of the time. When he behaves like he does, certain things happen worth pointing out. He wants to ask questions. Not like the average precocious kid his age. I am talking about a non-stop barrage of one question after the other. Relentless and non-forgiving. When he does get the point that you would like a little "me" time he then does what he always does- he will sit down, right beside you until you are done with your "me" time so he can start in again. This is not fiction. He thinks it will be okay if he sits beside you on the chair to give you your time. He is quick to point out that he won't bother as you try to read or do whatever. Don't think of it as bad days or good days. Its more along the lines of just less or more. Was he on fire or just a touch himself today?

What do I mean when I say he was "On Fire?" Not may folks have seen Austin when he has a full-blown 3-Mile Island Meltdown. I will try to explain with a recent example. As you know by now, Austin loves movies. He loves trading the old school movies with his Uncle Kent and getting pre-owned B-Grade movies from a movie store is also a big hit with him. Austin loves, cherishes and yes, obsesses about his possessions.

Recently, Austin had enough saved money to get the original "Back To The Future" movie. This is an all-time favorite of his, but he has never had in his collection. He was so excited to finally get it and couldn't wait to arrange it on the shelf, in alphabetical order. Just so. The very next morning, Austin woke up....and he was ON. This is how it went down:

NoooNoooNooo
Coo-Coo
Nyuh, nyuh, Nyuh
Coo-Coo
TookTookTookTook
CasaGooooda
CasaGooooda
Coo-Coo
CootCootCoot
CootCootCoot
NeeNeeNee
NeeNeeNee
Haaaaaaaaaaaa

All of this, repeated not once, not twice, but over and over and over again. All occurring at about 6 a.m. on a Saturday. Twenty minutes later....everyone was awake. He would not stop. He thought it was fun and we all should have been joining him. During all of this repetitive behavior there was the Cheshire Grin and raucous laughter. Did I mention that Austin is not quiet? My dear Austin does not know the word quiet. Quiet is not in his vocabulary.

I have failed to tell you that Austin had already showered and was dressed very sharply I say. He woke ME up as this was all happening by spraying half a bottle of Polo on me because he thought it was great stuff and he wanted dad to be like him, or the other way around. I don't know. At this point I am confused. I love Polo. It's my favorite cologne in fact, but this really had me a little bit, shall I say, unhappy. This is not a good way to get woken up.

How do you stop improper or poor behavior of an Autistic child? Many times you don't and just can't, but you must do something. He was out of control and the more we try to get him to slow down and quiet down, the more frustrated he became with us and us with him. You can not spank an Autistic child. I am sure I will get some dissension to that, but the fact(in our experience)is, whenever this has been tried it just inflames it to staggering proportions. So discipline for Austin is most certainly not a black and white issue and always keeps us guessing and searching.

At this point Austin is sobbing and beyond consolable. What had we done? We took away "McFly". Yep. We took away his new movie and what followed- the floodgates opened. It all went down hill. Was it the right thing to do? I don't know. Please tell me how to discipline an Autistic child. If you have an answer it needs to be shared and plastered all over the "AutismSpeaks" website. Their is no guidebook and answer to this question, so this really BLOWS. We have found however, once we do something, we have to stick with it as parents and be on the same page. I will admit that T often times gets to this page a little quicker than me. I am trying dear.

When I say "meltdown", think about ALL things in your world coming to a resounding and dramatic stop. Do not pass go, but HALT! End of sentence, period. Nothing else can or will happen. Time stands still. Nothing goes forward until this is either resolved or what.... Were still trying to figure out that profound dilemma. Thankfully, these types of days do not happen very often. Would I take these days over the ones where Austin will simply not leave you alone no matter what? It doesn't matter a bit. It is six of one, half dozen of the other in my book. Often these times will be followed by one of his seizures and he sleeps for almost a day. Don't hate me for this, but when Austin is asleep, God Bless Him, that IS the time T and I have. This is why as many of you know, we are most certainly, night owls. Nighttime is our respite.

And what happens later? I walk in the door and Austin is a transformed boy. He gives me a huge hug and tells me he is so sorry and it will never happen again. He says, "I hate Autism. Why do I have it? I wish it would go away. I wish I could break it." How do you come up with the answer to a question where an answer is just not possible? I think the only thing that is right and appropriate here is more hugs. Lucky for us, Austin is very good at hugs. Casa Gooda

PS- not sure what Casa Gooda means. Loosely translated, I think it means House of Cheese in some language, but it's his most favorite and coolest gibberish that I know. I'm sure it means something to him. Something I would never understand. So is it Fiction? No.

Anyone Can Join

2010-07-03T23:26:00.006-05:00

Fourth of July weekend. It couldn't have been a more perfect time. We were with our oldest childhood friends and there families at the holiday celebration in the park in Omaha. We all partied in their yard just across the street for the gathering of over 80,000. On tap was some of the greatest music ever invented- 80's music, in the form of Kansas, Foreigner and the best for last, STYX. Austin was in heaven. I was in heaven. When it comes to movies and music, Austin and I are two peas in a pod, although I think his recall of lyrics and one-liners can't be touched. Great food, great music and the best time friends and family could offer.

You may think that chaotic, noisy and crazy situations like this could have some type of worrisome affect on Austin. You would be right. But not in the manner you may be thinking. Austin has something different than many of his autistic peers- he is a very social person. Austin truly loves to meet people and go places. His social SKILLS on the other hand are a whole other matter.

After battling the traffic, we were able to get to our party central house, unload and have me directed a block up the street to park on a neighbors yard. I got back and proceeded to indulge in the tons of party food and other great, really-bad-for-you food there was to offer. I lost Austin and Logan AND Teresa about as soon as we got there. I did however, meet up with my one brother and his family, and T along the back fence where we always park all of our gear. Let the good times roll.

About an hour later a gentleman in a straw hat comes trodding up to me with his arm around none other than, Austin. "I had to meet this fine young gentleman's father." he said. Apparently, Austin had been talking to this guy for half the night. Along with him introducing himself to every single person at the party, he had the time to meet this guy, as his new best friend.

We shot the bull and talked about routine stuff but then it led to war memorabilia and WWII movies and books. Austin loves all things regarding the second world war. Apparently, this new friend is on current active duty in the Air Force. I kidded him and told him we wouldn't hold that against him. After all, Austin added, that dad was in the Navy.

The guy got a kick out of that and then asked me many questions about my service etc. I was a Lieutenant, went through Pensacola and flight school, yadayada... We asked him what he did in the air Force and he just said he rode a big desk in an office all day. Not too exciting. This was a really neat guy. We were having a good time.

Remember that straw hat I had mentioned a few moments ago? A big bug landed on it. as you may know- Austin is terrified of bugs. So he did what was only natural to him. He SMACKED the bug. Of course the hat about flew off the gentleman's head in the process. It was too funny, not sure why but we all laughed.

Austin then asked if he could move to Red Oak with us. Since that probably wasn't going to happen, he asked if his two daughters could instead. Austin knows how to lead a conversation.

The straw-hatted gentleman that Austin hit in the head and asked to move home with him....a FOUR STAR General in the U.S. Air Force. The head of ALL Strategic Defense for our country- StratComm, Offutt Air Force Base, Bellevue, NE. That is, THE UNITED STATES of AMERICA. The General is Austins new buddy. He was a cool cat and about as down to earth a guy you could ever imagine. Astronaut, fighter-pilot and the head of....jeesh. Yep, the one Austin hit, asked to move home and since he couldn't, could his girls. Yep, the one Austin asked if he knew anything about the military and if he had any cool military stuff...

The food was outstanding, the music incredible and the fellowship was awesome. Some folks just know how to engage, immerse and totally commit themselves to the effort though. That is Austin. He has an ultra keen affinity to search out the prettiest girls and like a puppy with a new friend, bring them all to meet us. It's always the pretty girls. Many who weren't even at the party but just walking by the house.

I saw him asking everybody for their glosticks, of which he had about twenty of them draped around his neck. Red, White and Blue. Then about the time for fireworks were to begin...I saw Austin giving them to all the party goers who didn't have one. He ended up having two around his neck. But then he needed more food.

Austin comes up to where we are sitting, trailing only by a pretty girl who has a heaping plate of food. The food is Austins and the girl is his newest friend. He asked her to help get his food. He then asked her for help bringing it to his chair and then wanted her to eat it with him. Noticing a pattern here?

Austin spent the night....meeting people. Meeting people and making new friends. He was in his element and loving every minute of it. He told anyone and everyone about himself and his dads book and link. I gave up on telling him to chill and stop. What was he harming? He was having so much fun, we were worried about stimulation overload, but it all looked good so far.

I watched Austin most of the night. I watched as he entertained five kids at one time with his stories and one-man mini-skits. He was truly holding court and the kids were loving it. I once ventured up to this small group to say hello. Four girls and one boy, all about Austins age. They were the most polite kids you could ever meet and they were having a ball with Austin. Oh, the pretty girls in the group- the Generals daughters. As I left there circle, "Very nice to meet you Mr. Austins dad." They GOT Austin and were having a time.

Anywhere Austin goes he does the same things. Every time and very repeatable. This is something I learned very long ago in sales...if you find what works, turn it into a repeatable and duplicatable thing. That's what Austin does. He loves people, SO he meets them. It doesn't matter who they are or what they are doing. He wants to meet you and be your friend. He doesn't care what you do or who you are. If you are a person, he'll be your friend.

We figure Austin had a seizure somewhere during the festivities. Probably during the fireworks on Friday night. We are not for sure exactly when and what may have triggered it. The fireworks, the night itself or whatever. We won't know, but get only guess. It doesn't really matter anyway. He slept the entire day on Saturday. He woke up for food on two different moments. Other than that he was asleep. This is the way his seizures work. When he comes down he crashes.

We are blessed to have an Autistic son who is social in nature. So many of his peers have difficulty with and in social settings. Many of those same peers are non-verbal. Austin is very social and loves to talk. Many times he talks way too fast. He can also talk very softly AND fast so you can't understand him(social skilss are a topic for another day). Either way, he does it with all his might and energy. I think that is why so many people like to be with him. He does everything with sincerity and meaning. He does it with love and care in his words and ideas.

So, if you are not yet friends with Austin...get in line. It's a fast-moving, busy line, but one worth standing in. You will probably get a hug, and a kiss, but he does this ONLY from his HEART. Austin is a mighty soul, fool of Faith, Compassion, Hope and Love.

Come on! Anyone can join- even if your a Four-Star General.

...A Sharp Dressed Man

2010-06-26T23:32:00.006-05:00

I spent a great deal of time trying to spell this out for you- All to see, in a glorious display of my wordsmanship, grammar and craft. I had created a witty little set-up where I described precisely how I have approached and dressed for success at my job, in the Navy and in civilian life; to contrast that in a most profound way regarding Austin. But I tried too hard. This is not a short story. Nor is this one of Austins "Moments In Time." This is not an event, insightful moment or an eye-opening experience that stops you dead in your tracks. It is much more than that. It's all very simple- Austin dresses for success, and he does it all for a basic and powerful reason...because he cares.

Austin LeRette LOVES to dress up and cares deeply about his appearance. He does this most every day, but not in the vain you may be thinking. Austin does not do this in a material vain, but out of something almost ceremonial. He loves all things clothes, but not because its Polo, Boss or Armani(he loves Target and yard sale treasures just as much). Sure, he likes nice things, but Austin cares more about the effort in getting ready and looking sharp as much as he does the end result.

Austin always puts on the threads for school. He does occasionally wear a tie and braces but only so often. He doesn't, however, leave the house before everything is just right. This past year, his outfit of choice were these dreadful things called, "skinny" jeans, complimented with thin suspenders, a t-shirt or button-down and of course, his black fedora up top.

There are a few moments where I have to take MY hat off to Austin and give him an unsaid "kudos" for something I think he is doing yet never knows it. I have witnessed over the last couple of years, my boys, often times together, taking part in school musicals or functions as a class or the entire Jr. High. He of course, always in full suit and tie. When we first moved back, and this happened, T and I got many compliments on how fine our boys looked, but even more so for how Austin really showed how he cared to come to a school event looking like such a sharp young man. And then a funny thing happened that caught my eye a few times this year- at the last few music concerts, I saw at least a half dozen other boys with suit and tie. Did he have any affect on some of his buddies? I don't know and it really doesn't matter. What does is, by his example, he is doing good deeds.

At Church? All I can really say is that I find myself many times feeling a little bad about the way I look when I see how HE looks. Leading by example(how can my kid lead me?) and not knowing OR caring he's doing it.

This leads to home as well. I have spoken about the way Austin has to treat so many of the things he does with precise, routine and regimented deliberation. This applies to the way he GETS before he gets in to bed. Austin has gotten a bunch of pajamas from Papa Dick. Austin calls them the "PlayBoy" pajamas. I call them "Old Man" pajamas- silk, striped etc. Sorry dad. Still, the shower, combing of hair, gallon of cologne, teeth brushing and of course, pajamas- this all absolutely must occur, in order before sleep will come.

Warning! Warning! YOU, UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, MUST LET EVERY STEP AFOREMENTIONED OCCUR OR THERMONUCLEAR MELTDOWN "WILL" COMMENCE. REPEAT- MELTDOWN "WILL" COMMENCE IF INSTRUCTIONS NOT FOLLOWED- TO A "T". END OF TRANSMISSION...THIS WILL NOT HOWEVER, SELF-DESTRUCT IN 60 SECONDS...

I give this warning because for such a time we could really get hung-up, upset or angry at much that DOES occur for Austins' need to look good and be in the zone. The clothes changes(often times 3-5x/day) and the shear time involved could really be frustrating on a person. After much, much ado about this and how to get HIM, I say again, HIM to change....we figured it out. Why get mad when all he is doing is trying to get ready, look good and be respectable?

Is this the "O" in OCD raising its head? Who knows. Probably a bit. That, my friend is looking at it the wrong way. I think he is indeed leading by example and sometimes, maybe in the smallest of ways(or more), having an affect(rubbing off), on his peers, elders and sometimes his old man. I have never called my self "old man", hmmph! Whatever he is doing, we're surely not stopping him. He is a leader and he DOES march to a special drum. Boom Boom.

So put on your tie and put on your coat, but don't forget the Hat my dear son. And remember this, from a band he loves so much, "Every Girls Crazy..........Bout A Sharped Dressed Man!"

Run Forrest, Run...

2010-06-20T20:19:00.006-05:00

I will always remember this great movie and the many funny and sometimes insightful moments. Hearing Tom Hanks, playing Forrest Gump, say, "That's my Jennaaay..." But who could forget the tag line of the movie? Those three words that you all know- "Run Forrest, Run." The movie was funny; it was thought provoking and tender, but there were moments I couldn't help but think of Austin. I think of Austin when I hear those three words.

What was Forrest doing on his two year "run"? He decided one day to start running. He ran everywhere. He run to Bear Bryant, to the desert and all points in-between. He ran and ran and ran. But then one day...he stopped. He was done. His trip, journey or mission was over. And when he was done he just stopped. It was something he did and when he deemed it was over, it was over.

Sometimes I wish I could better understand the things Austin does but in many or most cases that understanding eludes me. For many years Austin has had so many routines and rituals he does almost like clockwork. From what he does when he goes to bed and how he prepares to eat a meal. Much of this is simple steps and procedures he does, I think, to calm and secure himself. Preparing his bed and himself in a precise fashion before he finally physically gets into bed to how he arranges things on his plate and the sequence of what ingredients he tops a baked potato with- ranch included. So knowing what we know about Austin's tendencies it's just that much more confusing to watch how he can turn on and off as if he had an internal light switch.

I remember sitting in the theatre with T and the boys watching one of the first Lord Of The Rings. We were into the first 30 minutes of the movie when Austin stood up and informed us that he was done and he was leaving. I ended up sitting on a bench in the lobby for about two hours as Austin slept. It may seem simple to most to just urge him to stay and let him sleep IN the theatre, but that's not the point. When Austin is done, just like Forrest, he is DONE. I can't explain it and don't try to much anymore.

Austin will play with a toy, listen to a c.d., watch a movie or engage in a game with friends and minutes after starting is just as apt to turn and walk away, done. I know this is tough and frustrating for kids.

I remember being in my room one day and over the course of an hour, Austin would poke his head in the door and just look at me. Only for a second and then he was off. After he did this several times, curiosity got the better of me so I asked him what in the world he was doing. There stacked in the hallway was a laundry basket full of all of his Star Wars action figures and various other possessions. "What are you doing dude?", I said. All he responded with was that he no longer liked them and he was DONE. This happens quite often and it's not with some random things but with toys, games and prized personal items that he adores.

One of the most shining examples of this behavior occurred while on a trip to the beach just two years ago. Austin, Logan and there cousins had built an enormous sand castle. It took them several hours to complete and was most impressive. Later that night, around ten o'clock, we all went back to the beach to see the ongoing display of fireworks. The kids all decided they wanted to build a moat around the castle they had built to save it from the incoming tide. Austin sat down and proceeded to build a moat around himself. He did a great job too. He got up, wiped his hands and said, "I'm DONE. I'm going to the room." And he takes off across the sand. Boom, he's gone.

Is it adhd? Is it ocd? What is it? This is what makes Autism such a confusing and frustrating disorder to live and deal with. This type of behavior can and does happen anywhere and anytime. We don't choose. We don't know when it's going to happen or why, but when Austin is done, so are you. T and I have gotten very good at times like this. We divide and conquer. One of us deals with it. The other carries on with the movie, event or whatever we are taking part in.

Autism is not a static condition but a very fluid one. There are many things a person like Austin will do that are set and routine but as for the spontaneity, outbursts and meltdowns...there is know figuring that out. You let it happen and deal with it as best you can.

Again, its learning the "What it Is, Is." There is so much of this confusing disease that experts can't explain. So how do you deal with something so complex and misunderstood as it is? Many times it is just trial, error and use what works until it don't work no more.

With Austin- we often times choose our battles. Many times he wins. Why turn something that is momentarily uncomfortable into a scene that could take hours to settle? It's just a moment in time that to will pass, for sure.

Why did Forrest quickly decide he needed to run and then as he was fully immersed and into it, stop? You tell me. This is just another piece of the autism puzzle that eludes even the most gifted of minds. With this crazy disease being the fastest growing in the world it makes me wonder, "If the experts can't figure it out...What do we need to do?"

Awareness my friends. The strongest and best possible outcome we can ask for in this battle to find answers is the forward momentum of all people knowing, learning, caring and loving all those affected and also informing anyone you can to the disease called Autism.

Don't stop Forrest from running. Let him run and embrace him.

As for Austin...we'll will let Austin be Austin, and he does like to run.

Hey, Wanna Be My Friend?

2010-06-16T20:19:00.007-05:00

I remember a conversation I was a part of a few months back that had a very personal and resounding impact on me. It was one of those times where you are part of the dialog, but the true importance and feelings were only felt at a later time and place. Sure, I was part of it, and I shared my words and thoughts, but the impression and understanding of the moment didn't hit me until well after that day.

One of the folks I was speaking with went on to talk of the struggles they have with accepting that they have few, if any real friends. For a moment, I paused and wasn't sure what to say, how to respond or even where we were going with this. What I DID do was share what I thought it meant to have a struggle with friendships and overall social interactions through the prism of what I might see through Austin's eyes.

Social skills may be the most visible sign and roadblock placed in front of any autistic person. Knowing what I know now, I understand, many times anyway, why this obstacle exists. Remember, people like Austin Do see, perceive, comprehend and then vocalize things in a very different manner than you or I are accustomed to seeing. In return, we may see a person who doesn't act or fit the mold of what is thought of as normal. Be it, verbal, physical movements or even non-responsiveness, what they may be trying to say or do, we see it as odd or off-putting, therefore, they are weird or slow or even God forbid, retarded. We are all guilty of passing judgement and only seeing or hearing what we think fits normal for us.

Austin is very verbal and he is extremely extroverted. He loves to be a part of anything that's going on. Many other autistics can be non-verbal and anti-social. So in this sense we are very blessed to have such an eager and outgoing kid. As for the actual social skills- that is a different issue entirely. Austin changes thoughts in rapid-fire fashion and loses interest just as fast. He has extreme difficulty staying on task whether it's in school or come time to play. He may make funny and strange comments, noises, grunts while eating or bizarre physical movements. He may yell or talk jibberish and say non-sensical phrases. What this results in are people, friends who get frustrated and tire of just being with him.

Who wants to start a game or movie when he is only going to quit and go on to something else? Who wants to be with a kid who is acting so weird, like, for sure...Is he only playing or acting the way he thinks is right and WE see it as the WRONG way?

Because of all of his differences, Austin has very few close, what you would call, dear, friends. It breaks are heart(there is a silver-lining). How many people do you consider a really good friend? I know as I have gotten older that number is actually much smaller than in the past, but I think that is natural and part of growing up. Good friends become good friends and the ones you have ARE dear and close and not easy to come by, I think- so embrace them. But as a teenager, like his brother Logan, having a ton of friends is natural. Sure, when we pull up to school and drop off the boys, a boat load of kids yell to Austin and say, "Yo, Auz, what's up man?" Everybody loves Austin.

There are a handful of kids who really GET what and who Austin IS. They get it. They are AWARE(*).

I think it is so cool to see these kids who understand and love to be around Austin- and all his quirks and crazy, goofy, many times frustrating things he can do.

For all the kids who have bullied or just not been nice to Austin- you don't know of the friendship and person you are missing out on. When you pick on him and he only comes back trying to be your friend again, don't you see what he wants? He only wants to be your friend. Austin would be the best, most loyal and loving friend a person could dream of.

Don't pity or feel sorry for Austin. That is not the point of this moment. The point is to shed a little light on why I think things like social skills and relationships for an autistic person suffer- all because of not knowing. Call it ignorance to people who are different or fear of the unknown-either way, many of us are guilty of this and may never know it.

I have seen with my eyes the person who saw Austin ONE way and then ANOTHER, when, and only when, they got to know the real Austin. They got to know Austin and accepted all(most anyway), the different things Austin brings to the game, and are his friend all the same. I may never know why Austin is the way he is. I can not get into his brain and understand why he acts, how he thinks and what he FEELS. We of course get feedback like you do from any child, but to truly understand what's going on in your autistic child's brain I can only imagine.

If you can't understand someone who is different, such as Austin, how do you think they feel when you act the way you do?

This moment is not at all to lay a guilt trip on anyone. On the contrary, I want you to get aware. Autism is THE fastest growing disability in the world. It is kind of terrifying to know that coupled with this information is the fact that there is still know known origin of what causes autism or how it can be fixed(need it be?).

Austin has some great and dear people in his life. If you ever, ever want a great friend, Austin would be just that, the kind you would want. I will not say that Austin would not judge you. He will. But he won't do it behind your back. He would say, "Hey, your hair looks funny. Did you do that on purpose? I like it a ton!" This would be a very common type of verbal etude(cool word, not sure what it means-actually an artistic point/technique, works for me, yep), but nothing covert or malice intended. I think he sees that as just being polite. Who am I to judge?

Those who know Austin are AWARE. This is why ANY kind of Awareness is important. For a disability that has so many question marks, the best way to live with it is to accept it, embrace it and don't be the ignorant one, rather, learn about what you know not and get AWARE. BAwareShare

He only wants to be your friend.

A Time To Remember

2010-06-12T22:39:00.008-05:00

I recently took the family on a trip to the Carolina's. We spent some time with the in-laws in North Carolina and then headed to South Carolina to put in some quality time at the beach. A grand time was had by all. The moments I share here aren't about the trip with the family but more about MY return trip home. The key point to the story revolves around Austin on the beach and in the beautiful Atlantic waters. This will all come together at the end where unbeknownst to him, Austin will drive home the point; adding levity, clarity and simplicity to an unusual time.

I spent a week with my family on vacation but then had to jet home to get back to the real world. T and the boys were staying with her parents for a few more weeks but I needed to get back home. I have always been a airplane flying kind of guy but for some odd reason I pulled a "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" moment out of my tail end and thought of trying a train or a bus. I had never done either and why not, I might save a few bucks. It turns out the trains weren't that much different than a plane but the bus, now that was a different story. Way cheaper. Why not? They take mostly interstates and they say they are very safe. It was significantly cheaper and it was something I had never experienced before so....I booked passage on the next Greyhound.

The bus took out at 9:40 pm from Kings Mountain, North Carolina on a beautiful Thursday night. I will never forget what the gentleman who ran the store and bus stop passed on to me before leaving- He told me bus travel was very safe and my experience would be both enjoyable and pleasant. He went on to tell me that all kinds of people take the bus. From the wealthiest who just like this type of transportation to the person looking for the cheapest way to get from point A to point B. He said the buses are modern and comfortable outfitted with WiFi, t.v.'s and ac/dc plug ins for laptops etc.

I kiss T goodbye as our son Logan is standing by the Jeep wishing me well on my 30-hour trip. Have fun Dad!, he says and laughs as he's getting into the car. I get on the bus. No t.v.'s. No WiFi. No outlets and the seats are kind of comfortable. As we get ready to leave the driver comes charging onto the bus following a gentleman who has an over sized cup which obviously has some type of adult beverage in it. The driver is proceeding to physically remove the passenger from our midst and the passenger does not want to give up his recently purchased libation. The driver won as the passenger realized he was going to be stuck at a closed bus stop and far from home. What did I get myself into?

The bus sat 55 people of which about 22 seats currently sat filled. We were on our way to Atlanta and it didn't look so bad after all. We made a quick stop in Spartanburg, S.C. and on got about six more folks who headed to the rear of the bus. I was then treated by these newest riders on the finer points of Muslim, Islam and Abraham versus Christian and Jesus. One gentleman sat there in his robes and turban. I'm sure its called something else but I think you get the description. What I found kind of cute was how he rounded out his personal attire. Here under all this elaborate clothing he sported a brand new pair of Nikes. What happened then was a point-counterpoint on why one was right and why the other was wrong for three hours. I was texting T and she told me, "Don't say a word Scott." I didn't.

Buses were late....5 hour layover in Atlanta. It is now about 4:00 A.M. Friday. The terminal is literally wall-to-wall with people. Ever shape, color, nationality and flavor was represented. We finally got seated on our bus headed for St. Louis via Chattanooga and Nashville. I had a window seat and then sat down the gentleman taking the aisle beside me. I can do nothing other than just say it- the gentleman smelled SO bad I wasn't sure I could make it. This was more than your average, "Been-In-The-Bus-For-A-Day" smell. This was horrific, tears-to-your-eyes, "I'm Going To Throw Up" smell. Body odor, cigarettes and something, I am not sure what.....uhhhh. What was I thinking?

We get off at an intermediary stop and I know some more people are getting off and some new ones will come on. I asked someone if I could take the seat next to the and they flat said "No". On walked about 12 Amish folks and then the gentleman who was sitting next to me. Guess where he sat? Next to the person who wouldn't let me sit next to them? Karma huh?

Food and sleep? If you are the type of person like me who has trouble sleeping in a car....don't take the bus. If you like vending machine food then you will be in heaven. I like junk food as much as the next guy but I was having serious visions of Outback Steakhouse at this point.

By now it is mid-afternoon as we push our way towards Evansville, Indianna. We are then treated to a gentleman get into a loud and heated argument with what turns out to be his bank. This dude is sporting a hot pink Mohawk Afro. Really. The driver, over the PA, has to tell the gentleman to sit down and lower his voice. HE then decides to yell to the driver for direction in what to do to get money....he has lost his ticket and after the upcoming stop he won't be able to get back on the bus. Of course I am directly between the driver and pink afroman. What am I doing, again?

Round two with the pink Mohawk. He decides to tell the young lady five rows back to stop cursing as there are children on the bus and it's not appropriate, "skanky ho", I believe is what he addressed her as. His first comments about please refraining from the swearing actually sounded pretty reasonable but then the "Ho" comment kinda threw civility out the window. The verbal jousting continued for about fifteen minutes. There wasn't a whole lot the driver could do but wait. We were still about fifteen miles from the stop so he tried to interject some calming words but to no avail. The dude actually called 911 from the bus and told the operator that the woman threatened him with a knife and that she was going to Taze him. She actually did say those things. Once we got to the stop- the dude ran off the bus to figure out whatever he had to figure out and the girl decided to crawl over passengers and seats alike to get to the pink fro and take care of business. She fell coming out of the bus and slammed headfirst into a cement beam. It looked really painful. Oh my, what was.....

Serene, peaceful and enjoyable experience? I really did meet a handful of people who were very nice and interesting folks. I sat with a nice lady from Nashville all the way to Kansas City and we both laughed at the tragic comedy that some of the trip had become. There was an Hispanic fellow with his daughter who didn't read to well, so asked me for assistance and after that he and the little girl followed me around like puppy dogs. They were very nice. And then there was the gentleman from Kissimmee, Florida. He was a full-blooded Sioux Indian and proud of it. He sat through most of what I have described and had some very choice comments and hilarious commentary for it all. The most poignant of all would have been, "That's bus-ridin little man."

When we pulled in to Shenandoah, Iowa, it was truly one of those times where I almost bent down and kissed the ground. 30-Hour trip. About two hours of sleep. Not a whole lot to eat. A LOT of time sitting and waiting, waiting for something. Not sure for what but... Was it worth saving a lot of money? Not a chance. Would I do it again? Not a chance. Am I glad I did this? Kinda, sorta, not really. It is an experience I will NEVER forget but......

What was I thinking? All I kept coming back to was the time I just spent with my family in South Carolina. More specifically, the time watching Austin play in the ocean. I watched Austin with his goggles on and flopping wet hair, hoot and holler as the waves crashed around him. Why is this such a big deal? As I stood there in the wet sand I realized that this was one area where no one, no one judged Austin. No one teased him or played the bully. No one made fun of him or called him names. It was simply him and the majestic crashing waves and sand. At this moment in time, Austin had no one to answer to and all he had to do was be with the water and the sand. He was in heaven, bliss. It was delightful to watch.

Through Austin I have seen what it is like for people to judge and be mean. All, so much of it, out of ignorance and stereotypes. As I sat on the buses and in the terminals, I thought of Austin and what HE would do or say. For the gentleman who sat next to me... I thought of putting my shirt up over my nose but I thought of Austin and new the guy would see that and it would have been insulting to him so I tried, not very successfully to endure. For all the rest....I just smiled and thought of Austin.

Sorry Folks.

2010-06-07T20:55:00.003-05:00

I am a bit out of the loop this week and won't be back in til late this weekend. I have limited computer access and reception so....sounds like a break in the action is upon me. This is probably a good thing as much is happening that I will share with you over the coming weeks. I will be back and do my newest post this coming weekend. Please continue to share the link and the facebook page. Growing the social network page and other things like this may be very important. Thanks. Scott

Who Is Austin LeRette?

2010-06-02T21:51:00.005-05:00

A broken back, twice in fact. Twenty five additional broken bones. Atrial-Septic Defects and trans positioned veins, resulting in open-heart surgery. A handful of other surgeries and medical procedures. Countless trips to emergency rooms, operating rooms, specialists offices, doctors offices, the weekly pharmacy visits and gargantuan medical bills. Neurology, psychiatry, psychology, pediatrics, orthopaedics, cardiology, oral surgery, ophthalmology, audiology, dermatology, urology, hematology, genetics and others I am sure I am forgetting. All of them, people and doctors with whom we are very familiar. All of this from the day he was born.

It is easy to see the challenges and obstacles Austin faces. These aren't routine, one-time visits, but recurring and frequent. This, it would seem, would be more than enough to fill a persons dance card but not for Austin. On top of all the broken bones and troubled heart, he is Autistic. PDD-nos, short for Pervasive Developmental Disorder, not otherwise specified. This is the official diagnosis for Austin on the Autism Spectrum.

We would take the broken bones and the heart and call it even, but add autism, now that's the real butt-kicker. Autism is the disease that trumps all things. Bones mend and hearts heal, but Autism, Autism is the gift that keeps on giving. There is NO on/off button for autism. But even with all we are faced with, really, WHO is Austin LeRette?

It may seem easy to think of all the surgeries, broken bones and autistic ordeals to miss the person who would be Austin. The pain, struggle, frustration and wondering can leave you with a helpless outlook, but it doesn't compare to what you see if you take a step back and learn WHO Austin is, and not, WHAT Austin HAS.

Austin is a fifteen year old boy that loves to do all the typical things teenagers his age love to do. He gets in trouble and loves to pull pranks with the best of them. Austin loves music, especially 80's and classic rock with a special place just for alternative and metal. He loves movies, again, the classic 80's genre with a love for the comedies like Stripes and Farris Beuhler. He loves video games and cooking. He likes sports but is obviously prevented from doing many of them. Austin is a true Oklahoma Sooner and Boston fan, no thanks to his dad.

His passion for food is only challenged by his love of people. Friend, family and stranger alike; Austin loves life and all it entails. His love of man and Faith in God shines through and enables you to see the strong yet tender soul inside his body.

I would be a fool to say Austin is just like every other kid his age. He is clearly not. He is special, but not so much more than your special child. He is just an awesome kid that has some special gifts from God. They just make him the boy, young man he was made to be.

These moments don't tell you how bad Austin's lot in life is nor do they share with you how tough we have it. Far from it- quite the opposite. The following moments are ones of Faith, Courage, Struggle and Hope.

Austintistic is a book of MOMENTS. Moments that span the life of Austin since he was a newborn up to current day. I call them moments and not stories because they all represent in a unique and special way, a specific and certain time in our family's life that have a definable and significant meanings. The chapters are stand alone "moments" set to share with you a moral, thought, insight or significant point occurring at that moment in time.

The moments in "AUSTINTISTIC: Moments in Faith, Courage, Struggle and Hope" show how Austin sees sheer joy and true love in all things. They show how he sees the good in all and how he shivers at the bad. It has Austin dealing with the fear and the hurt of people and the anguish in trying circumstances. Each moment can show you how Austin takes the "small" things, embraces them and makes them his own. At moments in time when most of us turn the small things into problems, Austin turns them into real moments of learning and hope and growth.

There are moments of true pain and anguish; fractures, surgeries and hospitals can do that. Where Austin turns this all around are in the moments where these things happen and he shows us all how strength and perseverance prevails. He alone often shows the way, the answer. Through the moments I want you to see how funny, crazy, touching and gut-wrenching Austins life can be but also shine the light on this crazy worldwide thing called "Autism". These moments are ever more important as Autism is indeed a worldwide issue and only now are people starting to see how enormous a "deal" autism represents to our people. "Austintistic" should inform AND entertain.

The moments should make you laugh and will probably make you cry. The moments should make you wonder, ponder and leave you asking questions. Do I know what Autism is? Do I know anybody with a special need? Do I know what it's like to live or deal with a person beset with a need of any kind? Have I ever ignored or shied away from someone who was different than what I saw as normal?

Above all things I hope these moments leave you smiling, as Austin would be. I would hope they leave you feeling good or at least see life from a little bit different a place than before you read the moment. I hope the moments have you question your own share of Faith, Struggle, Courage and Hope. I think Austin will show you just a few answers to some of these things through his strength, optimism, love and faith.

Enjoy Austin and "Austintistic: Moments in Faith, Courage, Struggle and Hope".

BAwareShare If you haven't joined the FaceBook page please do. Simply search "Austintistic" in the search window. Please share this with anyone. God Bless. Scott

A Different Kind Of Peace.

2010-05-27T22:03:00.005-05:00

I often find myself alone with Austin. Alone, and wondering- what is going through his mind? What is he feeling? What does he think and what is he seeing? Is it any different than the things I feel or see? Of course I can never know- I am not yet clairvoyant but at the same time, I think I get a pretty good read on what his brother Logan is feeling or seeing. Logan is very expressive, vocal, precise and forthcoming. What makes it unique with an Autistic child is that so often, those affected are distant and can have very neutral, subdued emotions. This in and of itself can leave you guessing, hard to read.

Austins nature however, is not one of quiet seclusion and oneness. In fact it is quite the opposite. Austin is very vocal, expressive to a fault and inclusive. What I am going for though is the mystery to what makes him who he is. How he hurts and what makes him happy. Why something can bring him pure joy and then the most simple of things can bring his day crashing down, hard.

I hate it when I go out of town to work, which is often. Teresa spends all of her time with the boys and although I know what kind of job it is having a child with a special need, Teresa has it and sees it and lives it- more. As I have mentioned many times- if you let it, it will consume all you do. Austin, and God do we love him, can make your day a non-stop world of hurt. When you don't have the tools or the knowledge to help him then what can you do to make the necessary changes. Sometimes the only respite is the nearest closet to hide in. That which I have done on occasion.

I know it must be incredibly difficult and taxing for T to always be on patrol. That's what it feels like sometimes with Austin. So many times the place where Austin IS just wont let you do anything BUT tend to him. I see it too but I am gone often and can't truly appreciate the makeup and complexity of every day that T endures. I know Teresa needs respite. This is something we need to make important, a priority. We need to find the avenues available to get relief and support. I see peace for Teresa when we get more help for her.

Peace is something that we could all use a little more. But what about Austin? We frequently ask ourselves, "What in the world is he doing, thinking, feeling, saying or wondering?" Peace and respite are things I know that we can do a better job of finding, but how can Austin find these things when he is hurting? Some days are better than others, but every day has challenges- unforeseen, unpredictable. Learning to accept and deal with them are a challenge unto themself.

Austin has many things that bring him peace. There are things that comfort and secure him. Material, spiritual and physical alike. We are getting a much better feel for the things that bring him to a better place.

So what brings Austin peace? Let me list the ways:

-The most obvious place Austin turns to for comfort is food. Food and Ranch dressing. Call it an obsession or an addiction if you will. One thing is certain- Austin checks out when he is eating. You can SEE the peace when he is eating. He is in a different zone. Sounds of joy(very audible) abound.

-His best friend, the I-Touch. If we lost this there would be you know what to pay. More so than actually using it, he has as much comfort in arranging and rearranging the songs, movies and shows. He is always changing, adding and deleting. Always.

-His hats, shoes and other clothes. Austin is somewhat material but in a way you may not think. He loves clothing of all kinds. The difference with him and a truly material person is that he likes clothes and the act of GETTING them. Its not the brand or the store that is most important. He just likes to add to his wardrobe(read-ocd)-old out, new in. Its a process thing. Hats are a little different though. He has a true fascination and fondness for cool hats. Hats complete the look and they complete him. I know they make him feel good.

-OUR bed. He loves to end up in our bed. He talks of our bed like it is the Holy Grail. Many times we come up for the night and he is sound asleep in OUR bed. Note-He has the exact same bed that we do. Comfort, security and knowing it's mom and dads bed???

-His blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. Not so much on the animals but he still loves his homeless bear- Coco. We got it at the Boston Museum of Fine Art and to this day is the coolest most fave one around. The bedding materials all must be in the right formation and arrangement prior to any real sleeping will occur.

-Garage Sales, going to a store(any store), collecting and arranging things(water bottles, cd's, dvd's, books) and many other things he can arrange and display on a stand, bookshelf or drawer.

These are just a sampling of some things that give Austin comfort, security and peace.

What I left off the above noted list is the most important to all of us. Austins need for love and affection. Many of you may have had the opportunity to experience this. If he is your newest friend he will want the requisite hug and how ya doin. He will routinely tell you you are cool and he loves you. Austin is just that way. This is one area where he parts ways with many autistic children and the norm of being non-touchy, non-emotional. HE wants to hug and be hugged. He wants to be tucked in and prayers said.

Amen Austin and here's a hug, mmmmmmmh!

Times Like These...Time And Time Again

2010-05-24T23:25:00.009-05:00

How do you explain what makes an Autistic person, Autistic? It is a pretty well known fact that, although many advances in detection, treatment and overall understanding in to what defines autism and where it comes from is progressing- no one, no one, can tell you to a day, what IS Autism. At least I fall into this group. The person who, try as I might, can not understand what Autism really is. Autism for me is the classic moving target. One day you think you have made progress and then tomorrow only leaves you shaking your head- one step forward and a 2 football fields back. All you can do is accept the fact that having a special child means special things and an ever-changing landscape of challenges and moments and unknown ways with road signs pointing in infinite ways. What do I choose?

Challenges and obstacles are things you try to figure out and cope and learn to deal with. However, the more I learn about my son, the more times I find myself not knowing or understanding a thing about what I am doing. You can read a book or watch a program. You can listen to a friend or follow someones tweets. Bottom-line is that I often times find myself(I won't speak for T), in situations where there is no FIGURING out or COPING with the moment. Sometimes I am at a loss for what to do because what has worked in the past simply won't cut it any longer. My game plan for this moment just isn't cutting it this time around.

This stories hi lites two moments in time and mean very different things to me but have one thing in common- I didn't understand either one of them. One of them is is an observation that really only left me wondering while the other is a period of time that left me pulling out whats left of my hair and STILL wondering and thinking-HELP!, I don't know what to do.

Several months ago my prized Australian Shepherd- Emma, passed away. She went to sleep one night, got up the next morning, had a drink of water, went back to sleep and never woke up. She was one of THOSE animals. You know the kind I am talking about. The very special pet that only comes around once in a great while. She was a beautiful, loving, intelligent, companion and guardian. The boys loved her as did T and I. I think about her everyday. She was my baby and she was a gem.

Logan was gone the next day at an Honor Choir so did not know about Emma. After the concert that night we decided to tell him. We told him at dinner. Not a good decision. He was distraught and couldn't finish his meal. I felt horrible but I felt he needed to know before we pulled into the drive and have to explain it then. Austin on the other hand said this, "That's a real bummer. I miss her. Can you please pass the Ranch?"

Emma was indeed part of the family and you could see for many weeks just how much the loss was felt. Austin and Logan reacted to her death in very different ways. Logan I would say was more the way you would expect and Austin less so. I did happen upon Austin a few nights later in his bedroom, curled up with a blanket. He was very emotional, crying and sobbing as he told me he missed his good friend Emma. We both curled up and cried and talked about how much she meant to us and she was in a much better place. He said he knew we would see her one day.

Several weeks later we have a day that makes me feel like Lou and Bud. You know-"Who's on First?"- But not in a funny way. More along the line of, "Someone give me a clue man!" These are days that are not uncommon but still a bit boggling to us. The more we learn we would think we could become better able for these types of times. Sometimes it's just not the case.

The days I am referring to our the ones where Austin is on 5-Alarm, overdrive, turbo, hurricane mode. Times where he WILL...NOT...LISTEN. He won't stop talking, screeching, yelling, jumping, laughing, provoking and disrupting all and every thing. Not for a moment or an hour. No, I am talking about an ENTIRE day. For those friends or family members who ever doubted what Autism is- catch us on a day like that and join us for a few hours. You can not maintain and enjoy and leisurely Saturday around the house. The behavior(that word just doesn't quite describe it) permeates anyone and all in its path.

Many folks at church, school and various other places and times can appreciate many of the things that make Austin who he is. These types of days take, "What It Is, Is" to the barest and most basic levels of Autism. When Austin is in this zone several things happen- His beautiful brain just can not comprehend or process what it is he is doing wrong. He doesn't understand why we aren't having the same raucous time he is enjoying. He can be very verbally aggressive and in your face rude. He can be belligerent and unintelligible while spouting his favorite no-sense words and phrases. all of his tics and quirks come out in full-force.

As fast as these things happen, they can shut down, and its like a switch being turned off. He will come in your room, tell you he is sorry and cry on your shoulder. "Dad, I don't know why I do the things I do. I think it's the devil in my brain. Please help me get it out." I hold him.... And then he will start back up again as soon as he walks out of the room. HOW DO YOU MANAGE THIS? What book or manual tells you the steps to tackle this one?

The affect on our home is felt. Logan tries to shut it out and barricade himself in his room. We really try to lift up, support and love Logan in the most awesome way, especially at these times.

There are obviously points and things to take away and learn from. Austin is not like you or me. No matter how you slice it- he is special. Austin is OUR Boy. Our son. Logan's brother. Logan's friend. Do you understand what I have said in other stories about how difficult it is to discipline an Autistic child? Grandmas handbook does not work. Throw it out the window.

So how do you figure this one out?

You can't.

There is no text-book answer or theory or step-program available to help show you the way.

So what do we do?

We LOVE them- Austin and Logan. We LOVE them. We hold them and tell them we love them. We hold them BOTH and tell them we love every single, silly, goofy thing about them. T and I don't always grin but we bear it as best we can and know too, that this shall pass. And there is a reason for this- we believe in our higher power, and above ALL we have FAITH. God bless ALL children.

Fight the good fight, Stay the course, Finish the race.......

Times Like These, You Learn To Live Again...
Times like These, You Give and Give Again...
Times Like These, You Learn To Love Again...
Its Times Like These, Time and Time Again...
Foo

Bathroom Break- Targets and Floods

2010-05-22T00:08:00.005-05:00

I think when it comes to family time, we are like most semi-normal families; we hang out and socialize in our kitchen. For those friends of ours out there laughing you can stop now. Although our kitchen is only a bit bigger than a broom closet, it is where we gather, at least T, me and the boys to cook, gather and get real. Many good times and meals were created and shared in our micro-kitchen. Of course this is also the Mecca of all rooms for Austin- culinary and gastronomical delights abound and are created here. Eating and food are a form of religion and extreme pleasure for Austin. To say that Austin likes food would be like saying the Titanic simply sprung a leak. But the story is not about the kitchen. I build you up and then throw you a curve ball- no, I am not going to tell you(based on the title of the chapter) that our favorite gathering place is the bathroom. As much as I would like to tell you of all the grand and shining moments to be had in the LeRette bathrooms, it aint gunna happen.

Austin can and does bring a whole new and often times, unknown element to any situation. He could bring a funeral procession to laughter or a wedding bride to tears. I have seen him leave a doctor speechless and his preacher stammering. It may not have been anything he said, but something as simple as the look on his face or the way he moved. We don't always know what we are going to get with Auz, but often times, much later usually, we look back and the times are usually of the hilarious variety.

I think a big reason he has us in fits of laughter is because as an Autistic boy, he presents and carries off his commentary and display of behavior very differently than you or I probably would. You also never, never know what you are going to get with Auz. Left Field would be a good description of where Austin comes from sometimes. I am having trouble bridging at this time to the two short stories I want to share with you. I think for the chapter, and the book, I will just can the first part and jump right into the stories. So I tell you what....one of the stories is very funny. It does happen in a bathroom and doesn't have a whole lot to do with any special need, Autism or Austin at all. It may have more to do with me and what I was thinking, or not. The second story deals with, yes, a bathroom, and a situation where Austin displays not only how poor a liar he is but also a little taste of the spontaneous and indescribable behavior he can possess.

I was reminded of this moment in time a few weeks ago while shopping at Target with the family. Austin and I scooted off to the lieu while T and Logan went ahead. As we went in to the bathrooms, Austin started giggling. By the time we were in place(sorry), he couldn't control(sorry again) himself. I immediately knew what had him in tears. About a year ago at the same Target- same situation. Austin and I needed to visit the lieu. Except this time things turned out a little different than our most recent effort.

Austin and I must have had a few too many pops because we left T and Logie in the dust making a beeline for the Target bathrooms. We ran in and for some reason decided to use the stalls. We were both yucking it up after the race to the bathroom from the car and only then did we realize something was just... not... right. Austin shooshed me and pointed down under the stall to the one next to us. From under it you could see a nice shiny pair of high-heel shoes. Oops! We both SCRAMBLED to get done, quietly we tried. We probably made more noise in trying to conceal our blunder than if we would have just finished our business and left. Sure enough, as we slammed the door to the stall open, I realized there were no men's urinals to be found. Yep. We went in the ladies room. Can we get in trouble for saying that now? Nah. So now, any time we get near Target- Austin never fails to tell me how enormously funny it was and how we really got away with something really big.

Now, I am sitting in bed reading a book as I am quite often want to do. Austin comes screaming in and yelling for me. I can't understand a word he is saying because he is so excited and serious. "Dad, the bathroom is flooding. I didn't do it and I have NO idea what happened". RIGHT. Sure enough, I run in with him and about fall on my tail. Water is everywhere. There is water in places I am still trying to figure out how it got there.

First things first, so I got towels and started sopping. I then met Austin in my room where he now occupied the comfortable perch I just vacated to clean up the tsunami in the bathroom. "Austin, what happened?" I said. He of course vehemently denied he did anything to make this spontaneous flood strike. O.K., dad has learned a little in dealing with his autistic son. I tilted my head, smirked at him and then just smiled. And then I waited. Sure enough, he spilled the beans.

Austin had taken one of his prized water bottles and decided to refill it. Only this time he realized that when he kept it on the faucet and kept the water flowing, he could get a really cool squirting-gusher effect. In his own unique way he then went on to tell me the awesomeness of the whole affair. After he admitted what he did he proceeded to tell me with gusto, the awesome way he achieved the spectacular results. I had a hard time staying mad- the hard part was keeping a straight face. You had to be there, but sometimes you just can't get mad at the boy.

We have two separate and not equal bathroom stories. One story is just comical. No more and no less. I still crack up when I think of any Target bathroom. On the other hand, the bathroom flood story makes me think long and hard about other times when discipline and Austin present itself.

We constantly catch ourselves coming up short when times like the bathroom flood occurs. Is this something that happened as a typical teenage boy messing around doing an age appropriate(not appropriate)stunt? Or is it something that Austin just saw as something that was really pretty neat, and after all, it's just water? This truly can be a dilemma.

When it's Logan- it's usually pretty straight forward. "Logan, what were you thinking?" He DOES know what he was doing and usually fesses up to it and acts accordingly. But with Austin, we do have to choose how to best respond because, we don't always know what Austin IS thinking. As I have said before, many times, an autistic child may hear, see, feel and comprehend things on a different plane than the average person. I'm not sure what that plane is but it is unique and must be considered. Disciplining a special needs child is NOT always a simple and straight-forward situation. How we decide and act can be sometimes crucial and important. I don't think we always know the what or why to this predicament but can only try and get better and learn more about our wonderful goober.

As for the bathroom flood- I think it was a little bit of both. He did think it was pretty cool, and I'm sure he was totally transfixed by the physical beauty and cool factor of the jetting water. But also, he was displaying some pretty classic bad-boy kid crap and thought he could get away with it.

Austin, you are a terrible liar, and I find that somewhat endearing.

Dad, I really gotta goooooo......Stop, There's a Target!

Hurry Up...Stop, Now Go

2010-05-16T21:49:00.007-05:00

It is a typical night in the LeRette household. We tell Logan to shower and get to bed. Check. He's done and in his room in short order. Austin on the other hand is a completely different kettle of fish. He is in the middle of rearranging his c.d. binders. Not a good project to start just before bedtime. The dilemma...how do you stop an autistic boy whom has such strong obsessive-compulsive tendencies while in the middle of something that is incredibly important to him? If I let him go, things will be fine until he realizes an hour later he has made little progress, frustration sets in and he ends up way past bedtime. Or I could make him stop and face the wrath of the ensuing meltdown. So what did I do? I cleaned the bathroom.

Actually I spent the next twenty minutes cleaning up all the things Austin had placed on his favorite nightstand. There happened to be nine full bottles of water. Not new bottles. All but one were bottles he refills and places on the nightstand. A little more of the ocd thing goin on there. I try to throw them out each night but by some kind of magic there is always this crazy number of bottles on the stand every night?

So many people ask or may wonder what autism is or what does one do that has autism. As I have said before, it is different for each person affected and it isn't like a cold where one gets better or worse or feels great the next morning. It is what it is. 24/7. Each day of each week of each month of each....yadayada. You get the point. You just learn how to best manage it. You are always searching for the little things that work. It's pretty challenging. One time it works and then you try it again and no such luck.

The bottles, I think....are another form of security for Austin. Just like his pillows, his blankets and above all things, his hats. He just knows the bottles are there and he won't run out of h2o. They are HIS and they MEAN something to him. Something more than you or I would ever feel for a simple plastic bottle of Fiji water.

Now it's off to read with Auz. The story I am about to share with you is extremely cool. You see, some things with an Autistic child you never expect. Not everything is a challenge, a struggle or a frustration. Many things are simply what they are...not good, not bad, they're just there and you deal. However, sometimes you run into something that takes your breath away or in this instance, opens your eyes, enlightens and makes you think, "Wow, that's flippin cool".

The Auzman and I have gotten in the habit of going to the public library. Red Oak has a very nice public library and I feel bad for not finding it sooner. It's under construction and renovation now and will be even cooler when they are done. A little trivia digression now....The ROPL was given as a gift from Andrew Carnegie 100 years ago. Bet you didn't know that. OK. Auz is like the proverbial kid in the candy store. Not only are there books here, but cd's and dvd's and he can take home whatever he wants. He's in heaven every Friday after school. Recently he checked out the trilogy(one massive book), "Lord Of The Rings". One of my all times favorites. I thought it was great.

Up until this trip he had pretty much checked out the cd's and dvd's and a few art books, but seldom would it be a long form chapter book. If you are familiar with J.R.R. Tolkien....his writing is not vanilla, nor is it short. Austin has difficulty on longer form books. His comprehension has always been a struggle. He can read, albeit it very slowly, and had considerable struggle and frustration in getting the essential message in a paragraph he read just moments before. So we got the book.

I told you there were times when I have learned something unexpected. It wasn't me and reading. I learned how to do that many years ago. But the learning I am referring to is when we first started reading this book. We ended up reading five pages. In and of it self, that's a lot of reading to be doing with someone listening to you. The text is really small and far from vanilla verbiage. It's so cool to read by the way. I didn't mention this, but he wanted me to read it in the accent(British sorta) of Bilbo Baggins.

It took us almost ninety minutes to read the first five pages. No, it was not because of the verbiage or lack of his interest in the book. Quite, On the contrary. He wanted to know what every word and sentence meant. Bit by bit and every fine detail. He then proceeded to go over each plot twist and turn to see if it jibed with the movie. I would read one or two sentences and he would stop me to make sure we were on the same page. Haha. Tolkien's writing is so descriptive, deep and somewhat complex which some can find a bit tiresome. I love it, and I wasn't too sure how he would take to it when we first started.

When we finished at the planned stopping point we did a recap of what we read. He had followed along with me and through all of his questions had a very clear and firm understanding of what we read. He described the pages read and asked questions to clarify some of the finer points. HOLY BUCKETS! As Logan would say, "HE like, totally comprehended dude". He was so excited by the whole thing. He had fun and got more out of it than he ever had by struggling with a book we all had deemed too "advanced" for him. I am still a little blown away by this.

Austin gets what he wants and I get time with my son doing something we both love to do- read.

I think this has a deeper meaning than Austin just getting to listen to his dad read a cool book, quietly following along. As a parent with an Autistic child, you are always looking for new and creative ways to better serve your child. Have we stumbled upon a way for him to move forward with his reading skills? I don't know, but I think it is an avenue worth pursuing. I think this may be very powerful information for us and Austin. I know I can't go to school and read for him but there may be some alternatives to help carry this little revelation forward.

Will you read to me dad?

Austin Only Lives For The Day

2010-05-12T22:42:00.006-05:00

Austin Only Lives For The Days
He laughs and shouts, lives and prays
While driving you mad, a state of bliss
He calms his nerve, a hug and a kiss
Austin won't score, a goal or a run
He though provides, love and such fun
Broken bones, a heart with a hole
Holding and dreaming, the depths of his soul
Austin is beautiful, a boy with a cause
He plans his future, vivid dreams of Oz
When he gets in a mood, sadness or fright
He turns to Him, not judge but make right
Austin believes, the power of One love
All should behave, fly like a dove
He holds no grudge, greed or spite
He sees His very presence, faith and right
Austin loves the Lord, of that, I am sure
He is such a gentle soul, strength and pure
The power of peace, letting All in
His way of saying, "With HIM, We all win"
Austin's been touched, an unseen hand
He feels him rumble, a rock in this land
While he wonders aloud, he might say, "Why"
It's all taken care of, surely no lie
Austin could hurt, the hand been dealt
He knows he can break, knows how it felt
While mending a heart, the love of a mom
He dreams of a The party, he'll be quite da bomb
Austin lives to fight the fight
He never gives up, knows what is right
When he sees you he'll smile, "I love you"
Expecting a hug, a laugh a kiss too
Austin only lives for the day

What He Is. What He Is Not. "1"

2010-05-10T23:14:00.005-05:00

Pretty straight forward title for a story. Nothing catchy or flashy or too thought provoking. I get asked so often, especially since I have been writing, more questions regarding to exactly WHAT Autism is and how Austin IS because of it. Very honest and fair questions. This is indeed one of the basic reasons for me pushing forward and trying to get the awareness for this confusing and misunderstood disease just a little bit more noticed and understood.

So many people don't know what autism is let alone how to spell the silly word. I have said this a few times but I think the sentiment is worth repeating- Ask a dozen people that question, "What is Autism" and you will get a handful of people who will say something along the lines that, its a behavior thing that people get and they might swear and cuss a bit and make funny jerky movements etc. Dustin Hoffman in Rainman is the one that comes to mind most often. The stereotypes abound and I understand much of this but that's why "Awareness" for Autism and other diseases is so important. Autism awareness Month was not a month to just celebrate and recognise a disease. It was a month to try and push to get just one more person to understand the "What" in what is Autism.

Just this afternoon my friend Jim went with me and Austin to take him to the Medical Center for his weekly group meeting in Omaha. He made a comment along the lines that Austin and the other kids were all so very different from one another. I think it kind of surprised him and that too is understandable. It still remains a condition that the medical community knows more than they used to, but still is at a very unknown stage. It is misunderstood by layman's and experts alike. Where it comes from...why someone gets it and how to treat it. All very much unknown. Much progress is being made but there is a long road to hoe.

So what is Austin?

Austin is a loving friend. If you have had the honor of meeting my son you will know what this means. He is the most loyal and loving friend anyone could ever ask for. For those of you who have ever bullied or kidded him you should try and get to know Austin. Austin would be that friend you could always count on to be there and be a....friend.

Austin is sentimental and emotional. He cares deeply about All things. Whether it is whats for dinner or having a friend over- he is in 100% and wants to make it the best thing he has ever done. In all that Austin does he has untamed and unabashed LOVE for it all. Austin loves all his teachers, friends and relatives. He only wants to spread the love and thinks we should all love each other. The opposite of love- Hate is something that upsets Austin a great deal. Someone picking on someone else or making fun of another person truly upsets Austin. He gets physically upset in these situations and just doesn't understand how someone can treat another person this way. Hmmmm.

Austin is a Complex Thinker. This is something that amazes me as I try to figure it out. Austin will many times say things that T and I shake our heads at and tell him we have no earthly idea what he is talking about. Time will go by and then we will see something on television or someone will say something and then it will all make sense. It will click, and we both look at each other and see then that what he was saying was from such and such and THAT was what he was trying to say. Often times they are very detailed things that he just explained in a way that was only logical to him. I feel bad, because what he was trying to communicate was very important to him and the translation was just lost OR, maybe we just weren't listening closely enough.

Austin is a boy, becoming a young man. He is not a robot or some kid that is plagued by a terminal disease. He has the same wants and needs and desires as any other 15 year old boy. He just happens to be gifted with this thing called autism that requires him to go about things in an equally unique manor. Remember this sometime when you are dealing with a child with a special need- just because they have a unique set of "stuff" to deal with, you don't have to treat them like they are fragile like an egg or you must talk louder to get through to them or you need to slow down when you speak with them. He is just a kid that wants to be treated like any other kid.

Austin is a strong young man of Faith. Try and cross him by not saying grace at dinner time. Church is one place where Austin truly has a place of Sanctuary. We are blessed for this. Austin prays quite often and most of the times he does he not only prays for his friends, relatives and classmates....he prays for ALL people. Especially for those people he does not know and the ones who are bullies and mean.

I could go on and on about what he IS. That's not the point. I could also carry on and say exactly what he is Not. But that's not the point either. The point is this... Austin is a boy who has been graced with a unique set of circumstances yet he doesn't seem to notice them much at all compared to the likes of US and others who see it and see it as a "handicap". Sure, he knows he is different, but he has more important things to do with his life than worry about how he was made and why he got put together the way he did. As for his love, care for friends, unique thinking, tender heart and boundless faith- I wish I had a tad more of what he has. It seems so easy just writing this down but when you think about it doesn't it make sense? If we all cared, loved and lived a little more like Austin did wouldn't our own lives and others be the better for it?

So your lesson for tomorrow- Trying saying hi to someone you normally would not say hello to. Call them by there first name and give them a compliment. Don't just make up something and give it to the first person you see. That's not what I mean. Just be nice MORE. Try it MORE. Try to get someone to talk and them let THEM do the talking. Then, SHUT up and LISTEN to them. Try getting out of your own self and do like Austin- be involved and do it like there really is NO tomorrow. Like the popular phrase says- Live, Laugh and Love. This, most excellently embodies WHAT Austin IS! God Bless

Oops, I forgot. Austin is HILARIOUS. He will have you rolling on the ground....even when you may be mad or frustrated with him. Austin is HILARIOUS!!!

Are You In The Game?

2010-05-06T21:50:00.003-05:00

One of the most difficult things in raising a child who is on the Autism Spectrum is the fact that so much of the disease is subjective, unknown and misunderstood. It can mean different things to different people. Every person on the spectrum may look, act and present themselves like the colors of the rainbow. Austin is very verbal where many autistic persons are non-verbal. He is very extroverted where many of his peers have a horrible time with any type of social interaction. We are blessed for these facts. You have Aspergers, Rhetts, high-functioning(such as Austin)Autistics and many more forms of the disease. They are all under the umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorders and can look like apples and oranges to most people. This only adds to the challenges we all face in living with this thing called Autism.

Unlike so many diseases like cancer where it can be detected, confirmed and many times be treated with chemicals, radiation, invasive procedures and other forms of intervention, with autism- there is NO blood work to confirm, mass to dissect or virus or bacteria to eradicate. The powers that be, just don't know what causes Autism. So how do we get a good grip on what it is and how do we treat it? We can only hope that the medical community and organisations can and will continue efforts to get a better understanding of the genesis of this condition and build better therapeutic and medical treatments for our loved ones.

What does this have to do with anything I am writing about tonight? Well, I tell you what. It took us many years to get a fair and accurate diagnosis for Austin. This point is key and very important to me and T. Up until about two years ago we had heard that Austin was this and that, over and over again. He was bi-polar, ADD, ADHD, growing pains, OCD, ODD, RLS....and on and on.... Every doctor wanted to label him something different than the last one we saw. This was a frustrating pill to swallow. How can you embrace and treat and live with something that acts like a moving target? The more specialists we saw, the more confusing and frustrating it became. To make it all the more painful was the way our states and federal government along with the insurance companies consider the SYNDROME. Autism is like the red-headed stepchild in the room. The ten-ton elephant at the party that no one wants to acknowledge even exists.

Hopefully this may be changing. As you may have noticed over the last year or so, much is in the press regarding Autism. Many state governments are taking up reform and legislation regarding Autism for the first time- looking at Autism as something they NEED to, and MUST recognise and act on. Where is the new found awareness to this incredible and frustrating thing coming from? The answer to that question has many parts and many pieces.

The simple numbers of children and adults being diagnosed on the Spectrum is at such a high level and growing at such an alarming rate that it can't be ignored any longer. 1 in 110 persons overall and 1 in 70 boys are the latest numbers of persons being diagnosed on the Spectrum. I could share some other diseases which get much more support and are much more well known that have far fewer numbers of people affected but that's not the point. The point is that Autism is a rapidly growing disease that will surely touch most peoples life one day. This number is growing at 10-15% annually, worldwide. So this isn't an American thing. It's an our world thing.

Autism Speaks, from whom I get most of my data, has been very instrumental in raising this level of awareness. They have been around for I think about ten years and in that time they have really laid the groundwork for a platform we as parents with autistic children can stand on and join the fight. For their part they are indeed raising the bar for this cause. Medical, diagnostic and therapeutic advances and overall focus is very active and ongoing.

Autism Speaks, celebrities and high-profile ambassadors to Autism can only take us so far. It's pretty cool to see Tony Braxton or Ernie Els wearing the most awesome pale blue autism "puzzle piece" but when you get to the rubber and the road it is the parents and the siblings and the families that are focusing on the lives of the persons living with Autism. To me, this is where it most matters. All the national cause is awesome and needed, but where it counts most to me is at home and in our communities.

The quality of the autistic persons life, every day, in the real world IS the real world. I do care about the advances and treatments. We still see our specialists and spend our weekly time at the Autism clinic at the med. center, but our main focus is Austin and how we can make his world better. Each and every day.

Autism Awareness..... Answer the question- Tell me the definition of "Autism". Do you know how to answer this short question? I am not on my soapbox yet but the key, THEE KEY to improving the quality of life and I do mean their LIFE is for you to better understand and know "What it is, IS". O.K.?

We all have our homes, our jobs, our cool toys and hobbies. We all are so busy that we don't have time for this or that. Really? How about we get outside of our little comfort zones and learn about something we don't know a thing about. How about Autism, Cancer, Depression, Substance Abuse..... It doesn't matter. Take your pick. Your only doing ONE thing here. You are helping someone else. Did you hear me? You are helping someone else. Which collectively......

Start buy understanding what the disease or condition is. It is so easy to ignore someone and turn a blind-eye and in many cases it's because the person just doesn't know what it is, is. Get to know about something that may scare you or make you feel uncomfortable. You know you have felt this before. I have. Once you understand this, then get to know the person. Our son is not a space alien. He sometimes acts like one, but no, he just has a unique perspective and outlook on life. He is blessed with some funky wiring and may see blue where you see green. So what?

With a disease as unique, benign and challenging as Autism is, the best way to our world more aware is to take part. You become aware and share. Aware and Share. The more educated and understanding a person is, the more we will all grow. So get out of your comfort zone, get off the couch and learn something you don't know you don't know. Hah! Are you in the game?

By the way.....If you want to understand what Autism is, just ask Austin. Be prepared, have a seat and get some popcorn. You will learn AND be entertained at the same time.

God Bless
Scott
II Timothy 4/7

You Be The Judge?

2010-05-04T21:37:00.002-05:00

I spent a day seeing many different things. All of which had me rethinking the kind of person I was and what I really thought I was placed here to do. Who I was and where I was going was really tested this day to the point of feeling I had it all wrong and I was as guilty as the next guy. I think I have my life going the right way, my family and our priorities and needs and wants are all humming along on the path I think is right and then, BAM, I get smacked right up side the head with a "Your a dork sandwich." You got it all wrong buddy.....

This wasn't actually a single day but countless days over the last couple of years. These days showed me through all the challenges, the highs and lows and the joy of me and my family is only a fraction of what is really important. It was and is showing me that we ALL have a part to play and in a sense are all tied together. Have I lost you yet? You ever have one of those moments in your life where you finally open your eyes and something clicks. More than an Ah-Ha moment but a true genuine point in your life where it stops you dead in your tracks. Literally stops you in your tracks. All things freeze and you have just realized that something profound and meaningful has changed in you and jolts you to the core.

On one of those days I met several unique and special people. I met a boy who had incredible challenges. He showed very pronounced signs of aggression and anger but was also very kind and sweet. I saw a girl who had very limited verbal ability and signed as a means to communicate. I met a boy who was scared of the thunder and lightening and sunlight and was very shy but engaging. He could not look you in the eyes and spoke very softly. I met a boy who was very outgoing and verbal but could be acutely overbearing and come off as somewhat rude at the same time. I met a young girl who was so very kind but had trouble explaining a single thought to me. She was so excited, overactive and giddy. I got a sense she was trying to tell me 3 or 4 different things at the same time and it all came out at once. I could see she was struggling to let me understand all the thoughts she had bottled up on the tip of her tongue.

All these kids are amazing and one of a kind people. They all have parents that love them and provide for them. They are all autistic. They all look and sound and act and live very, very different and individual life's. I was touched and very happy to have met each and every one of them.

Does it scare you to do something you have never done before? New and unique things that you don't understand can have this effect. Of course we can all be scared to bungee jump or go para-sailing, but what about a person you don't understand? A person who talks funny or walks funny or acts funny or is just different. Why do I say funny? I guess because at a time that's the definition or word I probably would have used to describe a person like this. I know I can still do this and shame on me. Do they scare you and make you turn away or keep moving right on by? Where does this come from? Why is it that in a world and a country so advanced and cultured as the one we live in can this exist?

Awareness to special needs in our country is horrible. What we don't understand we so often turn our heads, look the other way and ignore it. We may ridicule out of ignorance and chuckle to our peeps about "what a weird kid" or "did you see that?" During the time I have been writing it has really piqued my interest in this area and what I have seen and learned has really shocked me. I see great things on the horizon regarding special needs, but also see things that make me sad and sometimes mad and angry.

I think silence and ignorance are more saddening than overt verbal taunts or snickering. This silent treatment may be from a total lack of understanding and education. "Why should I care? They're not my problem." With the growth of special needs and Autism specifically, I see this as a major societal issue that must be dealt with. Sure, we have all been guilty of looking at someone who was maybe overweight, or wore funny glasses or was really short(cough, cough) or smelled bad or talked different than you. Does the way we treat these situations and people any different than how we treat the person with a special need?

At first blush I would say that they are different. We have a choice and for the kids that have physical differences than you maybe you are just being mean. They could be cool if they wore Nikes or had the cool designer jeans and wore contacts. You would maybe say that they could change and they'd be cooler. Right. I think there isn't a whole lot of difference in they way we treat these people than how kids with special needs are so often treated. But why?

We are being judgemental. WE DON'T KNOW THEM! The shallow, material and self-absorbed part of us that we all have demonstrated at one time or another is judging anyone who is different as being WRONG. I am as guilty as you. Kind of like casting the first stone. I don't think all people do this out of cruelty but many times as a case of the unknown. It may scare you- the unknown. If you don't understand it and it's so different than you can comprehend then why engage it? Have you ever met someone who had a significant physical challenge and you stared at them? I'm sure this is very common. Austin is more guilty than most. I have seen him do this many times- he will go right up to the person in the mall who is in a wheel chair and ask them, "What happened to you? My name's Austin, what's yours?" This is not what I am talking about. I'm talking about the times where you may be in an environment involving a special person and their challenges bother you so much that instead of engaging them and getting to know them you turn and ignore. You block them out as if they don't exist.

The times where I have caught myself doing this(I said I too was guilty)I have had to stop and catch myself. I have a son with special needs and I, ME, am passing judgment on someone who is not my son has their own challenges that may make me nervous and I don't have time for. I know better and T and I both are trying are best to be the better advocate to our son and people just like him.

As for those times where things just click..... Over the last few years I have had a few moments like this. Not the aha ones I have been referring to but the real big ones that overcome you before you have time to react. I am talking about the moments that wash over you like a blanket of calm. Regardless of the bills or politics or work to be done. Maybe Austin is showing me this. No matter what stands in our path, things ARE O.K. I am talking about times where it only happens occasionally. Think about the times you can say this. It literally stops you and you feel like no matter what happens, I feel good. Things are absolutely going to be this way and I am blessed. This is the way of Austin. He feels this way on MOST days. I hope he rubs off on me in this manner more and more.

For now I will continue to let my son and his overabundance of Joy rub off on me whenever possible. Maybe we can all take a lesson from Austin in regard to tonight's topic. Just like Austin yucking it up with the guy in the wheel chair. We should embrace the unknown. Don't turn away- say hello. Don't say something mean- ask someone if they need a hand. Don't say no- ask them if you can be on their team.

Don't judge- embrace, learn, love, share, educate, grow, laugh and help.

Remember what it says about, "Don't Judge......."
God Bless. SL

Not So Non-Typical, Typical Kinda Day.....

2010-05-03T00:38:00.002-05:00

I have a way of remembering and planning what I want to say in my stories. As I sit and drive the thousands of miles I drive each month, it gives me plenty of time to ponder and create the topic for any given story. I document my thoughts on an extremely high-tech. thing called....the back of my business card. I currently have about twenty of them in my book bag just waiting to be written down and put into this book. As I am want to do, I sometimes veer way off course and am moved or something so unique or humorous moves me to change plans from what I was to write. Now is one of those times.

Sometimes a day happens and I just have to get it out. Today was really not unlike many other days we have, but what it was, was a day so full of what we are and how we live in a family with unique, crazy and special needs.

The day really started on Friday when Teresa and Austin were out running errands. T stepped over a curb and into the grass and had a terrible spill. She slammed her shoulder, right ankle and knee. Scary time for us. I have not spoken too much about needs other than those of our superboy Austin and all that he is. Teresa also has osteogenisis-imperfecta just like Auz. She hasn't had any heart issues nor has she been blessed with Autism but the arthritis and other auto-immune disorders she comes with is quite enough.

I will get back to Teresa.

Austin wakes up and sees Spring cleaning is in full gear and he wants nothing to do with it. He wants and only wants to arrange, rearrange and arrange again the files on the computer and his I-Touch. He can do this for hours on end. He often times spends more time arranging than he does actually listening or watching the blasted thing. His OCD sometimes feels like a small blessing which we can welcome and other times it can be so cruel. This time it's really neither but his attitude and backtalk is over the top. "I am not helping. I do my share. This is Austin time. It's my time and I do so much work. You can't make me do this. You just don't want me to have fun and you know you are wrong." These are all things he said, so I simply wrote the three things I wanted him to do down on a sheet of paper and said he WILL do this or the computer stays OFF for the day. End of story. Ugh.

And then their is Logan. He does his chores just fine. He is a very hard worker who loves and knows the value of allowance and other funds he gets from chores and the lawns he mews. But, his attitude. Does anyone else have a thirteen year old that thinks his Independence is getting stepped on by ole mom and dad. What is going on? No, it's not really backtalk or words, but the Attitude! Holy cow batman. We do not yet know how to curb this one. We think it's a critical moment and what to do is still at the formulation stage.

So by now I have a headache. I am feeling quite like a character from GRUMPY OLD MEN or even better like Rodney Dangerfield from any of his movies. No respect.

The day is winding down and Teresa is making the front flowers beds look gorgeous. She has the green thumb no doubt. I hear a scream from T and then Logan yelling for me to get to the front yard. Teresa tripped on a border and fell. She heard a loud pop and just knows her ankle, the same one hurt just two days ago, is broken. T like Austin has had countless breaks so the routine and the side we always caution on is ER time.

Diagnosis- probably ligament tear and micro-fracture maybe. T does not do pain well so this was not a pretty sight. She demanded we stay and watch THE PACIFIC. All the while in pain she made us sit and watch. Our family is hooked on Band Of Brothers and now the new follow-up series The Pacific. She sat there in pain and endured and as soon as it was over it was off to the hospital.

Austin was in bed and little bro was in charge and downstairs doing what he does. We spent our two hours at the ER and got a new splint and some kind of really good cocktail for T and we were on our way.

One question to ponder......How do all these types of things affect the normal routine of any givin day?

I got T settled in bed and she drifted in and out of sleep(consciousness) while watching Family Jewell's. I spent about thirty minutes playing Call of Duty on Logan's XBox, yep. I had a Hershey bar and a peach Snapple with a bowl of red grapes. They were so sweet they were like candy. I will close this night, very late I might add, with some Psalms to do MY heart good.

I share this all tonight to show that although to most folks it may look like a wild day. But, but, this day is NOT all that crazy for us. Think about the serene, laid back evening you may get on the back patio. Maybe sitting in a hammock drinking a toddy or whatever. The peace and quiet of the household going about its business and chillin on a Sunday afternoon. Hah! These days are normal.

So what do you do to settle down and relax? What does your Sunday afternoon or Saturday morning consist of? Can you send the kids to do a chore or play outside which enables you to get some chill time? I am sure that is very common for most of your, right?

All Teresa, Logan, Austin and I know is what we know. We have lived this way since the day T and I met. There is drama, chaos and frantic moments galore. We must be REALLY strong if it is true what they say about What doesn't kill you.... We surely must be the strongest humans alive. I kid, but I really like to think that we all are building towards something and I'm just not sure what that is yet. I believe the saying about the journey versus the destination. Playing our part in this journey should really be neat to see on replay.

Oh for living in a house with special needs. We are a home with boundless love that only grows stronger with ever more adversity and trial. It has to be, doesn't it? So for T tonight it's Demerol an icepack and a splint. As for me, tonight, it is the most awesome red grapes, a Hershey bar, a Goody's Headache Powder and some late night XBox. Oh, of course, followed by closing out the night with some fine reading from the favorite book. God Bless.

ps- Do you understand why T and I are night owls? Kind of a Calgon sentiment I think. It is OUR time to breathe.

New Posts On YouTube- Intro and 1st Story

2010-05-01T23:02:00.003-05:00

Like the title says......I have an introductory video on YouTube and the first story I have told on this site. The next story I will upload some time this week. I will be sharing the horrific daycare drama that still, to this day has me wondering. I will post my next blog tomorrow night(Sunday night). Continue to share the blog, the facebook page and now the YouTube function- getting the word out is so important. Let's drive awareness as well as giving me a hand in getting the word out about what I am trying to do with the book etc.... Thanks and God Bless. Scott

Hello Dad? Is That You?

2010-04-29T21:54:00.003-05:00

Dad, Mr. Scott LeRette, this is Austin. Richard Austin LeRette your son. Austin, you know, your son. This is me calling. Ok, Ok, Ok, now don't hang up, naaaaaa, don.....don't hang up. This is Richard Austin........I know what you are going to say but I really need to ask you something. I know you will probably say no but I have to ask you. I really need some C.D. cd cleaner. To clean my cd's. It's a cleaner made just for cd's to clean them , the cd's. CD cleaner made for cd's. Noooooooo, don't say anything. Naaah, stop, don't say anything, just listen, can you please get some for me on your way home from work. Ahhhhh. Maybe, I know you will think about it you little snicker-doodle. Ok, then that's a maybe. Whoohooo. He's gunna do it. Ok. This is Richard Austin and thank you dad so very much. I love you so much, mmmmmmmmh. That was a huge big kiss and Austin loves you dad. Mr. Scott LeRette. Good bye dad. This was Austin, your son. Ok, goodbye. See you when you get home with my CD cleaner for cd's when you get home tonight. Soooo cool. You are the best dad. Bye dad. It's your son Austin. Bye.

Try spell checking that will you? This was an actual phone call to my cell phone just the other day. The really crazy thing about it was that I wasn't part of the conversation. This was a voicemail. One of many. I currently have about three of them saved on my Blueberry that I go back to when I want to hear his voice and get a chuckle.

What's really freaky is that my brother Kent called the house tonight and said that Auz had called earlier...several times actually. He wanted wanted to borrow some Cd's or DVDs to burn to his I-Touch. Uncle Kentie is his go-to guy for all things music or movie. O.K. the freaky part.....Kent went on to tell me how Austin went off and talked for a good 5-10 minutes by first telling him he was, "Austin, Richard Austin...calling for Kent, Uncle Kent LeRette......and on and on...." He said he just kicked back and thought it was priceless. I have been planning on writing about this for about a week and then out of the blue my brother Kent calls and shares this with me. Too funny.

This stories gets its legs from all the people who ask me a very similar question; What are some of the things that Austin DOES? I guess they just want to know of some of the specific things that an autistic person does to make them autistic. In a general sense that's a pretty big area to cover. All autistic people present and live and behave very, very differently. I don't mind sharing some of the things Austin does. I think it can only help people to better understand him. This better understanding can help him in so many ways.

Often times I see Austin get into situations where he may say or do something and friends or even complete strangers may look at him and think he is an unruly out of control kid and we should just light him up and discipline him. Or they could think he is the "W" word....weird, because he walks up to them and asks them to be his friend or something very tame like that. Pretty sad on some people really but that's life and we roll.

Austin hears words and sees words very literally. They means specific things to him so in interacting with him- this is a very important thing to keep in mind. He has some stereotypical autistic behaviors. Movements and tics that are very common to the disease. He likes swinging his arms like the wheels on a train all the while screeching, "Chugga Chugga Chugga..." this is most often seen and heard in the mornings. In the past it was very frustrating. It was so loud and SO early. Now we just know it as our own kind of rooster- cocka-doodle-doo! It's time to get up.

Austin has many words he likes to say. I have mentioned some of them in other stories. Some are gibberish like- "casa gooda"(his favorite) and other words he will kind of just screech out. Other times he will repeat phrases and parts from the many older classic movies he adores.

You may know that eating for Austin is always an adventure and one of his top obsessions. Austin loves all food. All. Period. He likes to eat. What comes with it is the audio broadcast. When he is eating he gets into his own parallel-type universe where you can often times be literally tuned out. He is like in another zone. As he eats he will hum or grunt in an almost soothing or calming type manner. At first this could be a little disconcerting but now its just the way the A-Man eats and we don't even hear it anymore.

There are many things that Austin does that I look at now and only smile. I could write for many, many more paragraphs but I will close with one that we are still struggling with a bit and working on quite diligently. Personal space. Austin likes people. He likes and wants to be friends with you and me and the next person he meets. This in and of it self may be very different than many autistic children. It is quite endearing to me that he wants to be such a kind, thoughtful and friendly person. A high percentage of autistic children have a real tough time with making eye contact and engaging in social interaction- making and keeping friends can be trying.

How he engages is a whole other story but lets just say that he is outside the norm for an autistic person and social skills. He is very engaging and very much wants to be in on the action. So much so that he has a hard time in understanding how close is too close and when to back off.

All of these and so many more little THINGS are a big part of what makes Austin Austin. At first some of these little bits may shock you, intrigue you or sometimes sadly, may make you uncomfortable. But, hey, get over it I say. Go out there and get out of your comfort zone and meet someone like Austin. I bet you, just like me, have some of your own little peccadilloes that drive your spouse or someone else crazy. Huh? Do you? The way you comb you hair or blow your nose. Maybe the way you laugh or even the way you smell. Too much on the perfume or maybe you are really loud in group settings. Maybe you fart too much-oops, sorry Fred. The point is that so often we are quick to judge when all we have to do is look in the mirror- we could judge THAT reflection ALL... DAY... LONG.

I love ALL the little things Austin does.....well almost. ciao and god bless

ps. I will be revisiting this topic for at least another story. There is also going to be a time to share about how he does do when making friends and how Austin actually PLAYS with a friend or group of friends. This is a very complex and difficult subject for us and Austin.

Austintistic on YouTube

2010-04-28T23:16:00.003-05:00

Well.....It was my first go round but I got a video put up on YouTube. It is no big surprise entitled, "Austintistic" and is now available to see. I plan on doing more with this in helping me get the word on my book out there. I plan on doing some chapters/stories as well. I have already critiqued myself to death....too many uuuh's and what not but I will get better. I have things to write about but for tonight I will just hope the video will do. I may try reading a chapter before I post it on the blog and see how that goes. Neat stuff. Thanks a bunch. gb Scott

Renewed, I Have Been

2010-04-25T21:49:00.002-05:00

In the words of a favorite Star Wars character- the weekend I spent camping with Austin and Troop 86 was something much needed and a blessing it was. I did not want to go camping this weekend. It was wet, cold and I just wasn't in the mood for tents and eggs-in-a-bag. It turned out to be the best camp out I have been on with the Auzman. When we left I felt a renewal within me.

It was the opening weekend of the North Valley at the Little Sioux Scout Ranch. All of the Omaha news crews were there to document this event as it was the re-dedication event for the part of Little Sioux that was struck by the horrible tornado only a couple of summers ago.

Austin was ready to go on Monday- packed and ready five days ahead of time and raring to go every day. We finally got there and had to hike about a mile to our campsite. He carried as much as me and never complained a bit. He was SO psyched up and ready to be a Scout! He was only one of a small percentage of Scouts to be wearing full Scout uniform, sash and all-vintage Austin. If you come to be a Scout then you gotta walk the walk too dad. He would say something like that and how could I disagree.

I was really worried as the rain, thunder and lightening threatened. It finally opened up and raged at about 11:30pm- in a big bad way. It was impressive. I was just waiting for a soaking wet Austin to come sliding into my tent. He normally shares a tent with me but due to the odd number of Scouts he had to bunk with the lone single scout. No single scouts are allowed so I had my own tent. I do thank God for blow-up mattresses-amen. But no, I didn't here a word out of him and I went back to dealing with the flood coming in the crack in the rain screen. I reached up to see what was tap-tap-tapping my back, only to have a gush of water run down my arm and into my pants.....Why do they put plastic windows in a rain flap? When they get cold they crack.... Who looks out the top of your tent anyway?

The next morning he asked me if I thought the storm was cool or what? He had sat up for a bit and watched the light show and fell soundly asleep with a smile on his face. I didn't see that but I just knew.

Saturday morning Austin and about a fifty other Scouts took part in a Civil War re-enactment. Austin got to train with the artillery. A real 1800's civil war canon. The barrel weighed 813 pounds itself. His job was to prime the fuse and when "Fire" was yelled he got to let it rip. This was cooool! We all thought about how a line of these canons set up with thousands of soldiers screaming and guns going off- what it must have been like.

Afterwards Austin began drilling the Captain on questions about the weapons and the soldiers of the time. Austin at first thought the gentleman who were working the re-enactment were actually in the civil war. They got a kick out of that. Some of you know that Austin can get like a needle stuck in a groove when asking questions. He can ask a LOT of questions and shoot them at you machine-gun fast. But what was really cool was that no other kids were wanting to ask them anything. The information coming from the soldiers was really entertaining and quite interesting. The soldiers thanked Austin for asking the great questions.

We then trekked to the archery range. Austins friend Xavier was there helping with the range. Xavier is a brave Scout that was nothing short of heroic on that sad day two summers ago. Xavier knows, and gets, and understands Austin. He is a true hero and I am proud that he and Austin are friends. Thank you Xavier. You are a fine person.

Austin saw him and was so excited. He wanted Xavier to get up there and shoot with him. He was working so he told Auz that he was good but he was watching his every shot. Austin went though the line to shoot about 6 times and Xavier finally said, "Austin, let's do it." Something like that. I could see Austin was beaming as he prepared for the challenge.

Three arrows. Note- up til then Austin had HIT the target maybe once or twice. Austin drew the arrow back. Calm and collected. He looked in total control, unlike all the prior tries. The arrow sailed true and hit for a bulls-eye, ten points! Xavier draws the arrow and fires just outside the bull for a nine. Austin follows with an arrow to the nine ring and Xavier ties him with a bull of his own. Then another nine. Austin needs a nine to tie or a bull to win. He hit the target but off the rings. The score didn't matter. He just battled with a buddy, a good friend, a good soul.

If you could have seen the look on his face it was a MasterCard commercials finest- priceless. -This camp out was doing good things- We left Xavier and walked up the hill to find out what we could do next. He grabbed my hand. Yes, he is getting older but it still makes me feel great that he wants to be with me and hold my hand, so I do.

The two things in front of us were the cross-cut saw competition and the fire-starting demonstration. We did the fire starting and he did great achieving his fire chip in short order. But then came the saw. Think- the big lumberjack saw that two people pull back and forth. They are about five feet long with two handles and are big time work. I had know idea how we would do. The average time was about ninety seconds and the fastest being 36 seconds. Austin told ME to pull and he would push on the start. We started.....we stumbled, but then Austin turned into a possessed, human, sawing machine. We finished off the 9 inch log in forty five seconds. I was shocked and he only wanted to go again. I am having a blast. These were the two events he did not want to do and they ended up being his favorites.

I figure we walked about ten miles over the weekend. Austin fell asleep at about five o'clock as we were fixing the dutch ovens and slept through the all-Scout campfire but it was worth it. He got up about three hours later and we sat alone by the most awesome fire. We worked on his second-class rank requirements and enjoyed the quiet, alone time. It was one of the nicest times we have ever had together.

That night I saw more than ever how important Scouts is to Austin and what it means to him that I am there with him. Many parents don't go on these events but Austin often times needs me or T there with him. This is a reality, but still, I had to stop and reflect upon this. I realized that I didn't want to be there out of my own selfishness and wants. It was going to be cold, wet and wet and cold.

Austin showed me that on this weekend at Little Sioux Scout Ranch was exactly where I was supposed to be. He showed me that he can and will do many things and do them quite well. He showed me that he is smart and funny and inquisitive and competitive. He showed me more about the love of a son for his father and how a father can better love his son. He showed me that he will continue to be a great Scout, who wears the uniform with pride and acts the part always. He showed me that things are only as good as you allow them to be and that he will be an Eagle Scout and honor the Scout tradition as strongly as any Scout can do.

Austin showed his dad how wants and needs can be so very different and the sooner you realize that one is often times about "Me" and the other is about "We" Pretty easy to figure out which is which but I will share this with you.......Dad needed this weekend with this son. Thank you Austin- Dad.

Off To Little Sioux

2010-04-23T15:47:00.002-05:00

Everybody make it a great weekend. Going camping with the Boy Scouts. Austin is psyched and the rain is upon us. I will be back Sunday. gb Cheers Scott

A REAL Live-Action Super-Hero

2010-04-22T22:30:00.003-05:00

Recently I have had several friends make mention of a popular author and one of her books that includes some characters with autism. That's about all I really know about the author and her works. I am talking about Jodi Piccoult. She is a bestseller of fiction and from the looks of the book aisle at Target she is doing quite well. So I stopped by the Target today on the way home from South Dakota to see what they were all telling me about.

There were about fifteen of her books on the rack. All prominently displayed at eye level and three deep. She got it goin on. I wasn't sure which book to look for so I just started reading the back of each one. The first one I pick up and- I think my friends misspoke. The character in chapter one was a child that was born with OsteoGenisis-Imperfecta(OI) not autism. I read a little bit more but thought I would take a look at a few more to make sure I had heard right. I searched all the other dozen books and didn't find the one with an autistic character.

I called a friend of mine, Sonia and she told me the name of the book and also that it was a new release. Sure enough, around the corner with the new hardcovers was the newest book by Ms. Piccoult. And indeed the lead character in the book was a young man who was autistic. Not only was he autistic, but he was also a forensic detective phenomenon that gets embroiled in crimes and mysteries only to be drawn in and himself be under the eye of the law.

A few years ago when my brother Kevin and my wife were urging me to write about Austin and share our story, the genre and storyline I had planned for was far different than what I am working on today. The first thoughts of writing about Austin was to create a character, Austin, who was a young private eye that had sleuth-like skills and the ability to track down the bad guy and solve the case in the Hardy Boys style. He would dazzle with his keen wit and innate understanding of the criminal and the caper where the cops could only looked on in awe.

Of course I didn't go that route. The more I played with trying to write some things the more I came back to what I really wanted to get down on paper, and it wasn't fiction. Austin isn't a character playing an autistic child. He isn't a character playing a young man with brittle bones, or a broken heart or any other unique disease I pulled in to suit the book. Austin is a REAL young man who happens to be autistic, who also has OI and by the way happens to have a few genetic heart defects.

So tonight I give you all, even folks who are just joining me, a snapshot of why I am writing and how it has changed since the first chapter was typed out almost two months ago.

Upon starting the first chapter I felt like I just wanted to get it out. To share with you some of the crazy, scary, sometimes funny things that happen in our family. Remember, some of these stories and the sheer number is just too crazy to make up. So that's how I decided on what to write. As things progressed I realized the words were almost being relived for me. T had to help me get some things accurate as the passage of time and the volume of stories I have to tell was sometimes too much for me to get it all right.

Reliving all of these things has had an awesome and amazing affect on me. So much so and so unexpected that I think it really pushed me to right better and with more focus. Some of this stuff has been very difficult to recount while other bits have been quite hysterical and heart-warming. It has made me see some things very differently than when I first put pen to paper.

What do I want you to see and feel when you read these stories? It is not the shock and the profound nature that some of the stories may bring. Austin has had a few times, which I have shared with you, where his life was in danger. There have been times where we made radical decisions and weren't sure we were being the parents we knew we should be. None of these things is what I want you to get out of what all these words mean. Do you know the answer?

When I first starting writing I guess I didn't know the question let alone the answer to what I wanted you to see or feel. I guess you can say that this has all changed very much. Sharing with you has allowed me to grow and change and see my son in a very different light. My mind tingles and my soul humms as I write about Austin because while I thought I was just sharing an interesting story he has shown me how very wrong I was. I love him so much it hurts my heart just to write down some of these stories but in the end it comes back to a few basic things.

Every single word I write- you should feel and see through the actions of my son just how meaningful, loving a profound someone can be. It is not the life-changing things of the stories that make the story. It is how Austin responds, flourishes and thrives. It is about a boy who has limitless Faith, Courage and a bottomless well of love that he just wants to share. It's how he has been in life or death situations and only worried about us. He would get upset because he thought WE were upset or he did something wrong.

These are stories that should make you stop and think. Sometimes he will crack you up and really show that life's little things are often what would make your day, or at least could or should. There are just some things that do not exist in Austin's vocabulary- resentment, greed and anger are a few, these do not portray Austin. I wish I could say that. Austin is not perfect by any stretch but what is important to know is that his list of words is something I think we could all take to heart- love, friendship, faith, laughter, kindness, genuine, God and sharing.....

You see, Austin doesn't get hung up on so much of the drivel we ALL get hung up on. In his mind it's just a waste of time and breath. For those of you who don't know Austin he will be the one that shortly after he meets you he will tell you he loves you and give you a big hug. He does this I think because he wants to make YOU feel good and happy. He just wants to share the joy. Why not?

Austin doesn't know it but he has always had this profound impact on me. What it has taken though has been this writing. This has allowed me to feel and see and truly get into him more than I ever thought possible. Austin is my hero. I hope you have one. He is not a fictional character playing a spy or a wunderkind. Austin is our true, real, flesh and bones Super-Hero.

To Infinity and Beyond!

We Are Living In A Literal World

2010-04-20T21:34:00.007-05:00

We will never break the code. Not now, not ever. I am writing about the human brain. I have made mention a few times about the vast, complex and unknown organ we know as the brain. I truly believe the brain is something we are not meant to fully comprehend. Fixing and operating on it is one thing, but to truly understand the human brain, I think only one Being knows what's going on there. We may make great strides with diseases and illness's and how to treat them but, as for unlocking the key- forget about it.

Take the biggest, fastest, most intuitive computer and put it up against a brain and there is really no match. Sure, we can program a computer like "IBM-Blue" to match up against someone in a chess game and it's a CLOSE match. Close. Our brain is simply a soupy collection of cells and molecules set up to process and command what our being is and does.

My favorite author, Pinker, has shown me that the more we learn about the brain the more we see how much we don't know. I don't think I am being fatalist here but a realistic. Were talking billions of particles all working in conjunction and relative harmony which allows us to breathe and do some things without even thinking about them.

So where does this all fit in to tonight's story? Quite nicely I think. Let's take Austin- I will share a story. Think of the plumbing that runs into your house. Most of us don't think twice about where the water comes from or where it goes to when you are done with it. In most homes you have water that comes in to the basement to your heater or wherever and then is diverted to other parts of your house. A cold and a hot run up through the floor behind you sink and in to the kitchen. One for cold the other for hot. It then goes down the drain into a main exit pipe and off to who knows where. Sound about right.

Think of then human brain with this analogy. We are all wired pretty similarly.
But now I think of my son Austin. It has been said by some clinicians that either through trauma or genetics, his brain simply process's or interprets things a little differently than the average person. Imagine the hot hooked up to the cold and the cold hooked up to the hot. Got it? You still have hot and cold but they just come out a bit differently. So his brain may be plumbed, wired a little different than you or me.

What does this mean to me? A lot of course. I could speak on many things but tonight it is about how we see Austin and how he hears, sees and understands us.

Austin does many times get to the same destination in his mind that I would but how he goes about it and if I think he gets it can be quite unique. Austin must hear and see things in a literal since. I shared how once T said he was killing her. The next day he had a meltdown at school and said something he was doing was killing his mom.

He lives in such a literal world that the better we see this the better we can thrive and communicate with him. Words mean things to Austin. That is why it is so important in the words you choose. Things stick in his mind like the proverbial steel trap.

His artwork has become quite good recently and it has changed from what I used to see. Then again maybe it is me who has changed. Maybe what he draws is the same but he has showed me how to look at it from a different view. His perspective. To him the colors mean things. It is not the objective thing he is drawing but the emotion and the sentiment he is trying to convey in the colors and the actual strokes being made. I have not figured out much of this but I see him drawing and know his expressive elements lies within those things and not the detail of the particular object.

Here is an example of how Austin and Logan can see something and how they act upon it. Something as simple as bringing the dirty laundry down to the basement. Logan, after a few bits of direction takes the stuff down and will normally get them sorted and be done. Austin may or may not answer the bell. After many tries he will maybe get it done. What the literal world tells me to do for Austin is this- get a basket, go to the bathroom and put all the dirties in it, bring them to the basement by the wash machine, put the darks, lights and towels in separate piles and them tell me you are done. This works much better.

Another example would be if I were to tell him to run upstairs and get my slippers, my book and then a bottle of water from the fridge. This happened just the other day..... I got the bottle of water about an hour later. He was wearing my slippers. I noticed this later as he was telling me he got them and thought they felt good so he didn't bring them. Maybe too many directions? I don't know.

The abstract way that he sees life affects all things. How we educate, discipline and praise him. We need to speak and act and communicate with him in a way that it makes sense to HIM. This is not always easy. Words mean things. Literally. I think for many autistic children this is a point to remember. You can make no assumptions. This again is getting back to getting in to HIS world. His brain and the way he IS. It's an everyday work in progress. It is always different and always surprising. Sometimes entertaining and then sometimes very frustrating.

It still amazes me to know that experts say that even the smartest of smartest utilizes less than 10% of there brain capacity. Why only 10%? I still think that the brain and the soul are directly intertwined and we will never truly be able to unlock all there is to know about either of them. What I do hope is that through science, education and medical advances we can learn to unlock even a few more percent than that 10% number and get into higher learning including how someone like Austin thinks, learns and lives.

Pretty heady stuff? Naw. Not really but it sure is helping me understand my son better. I hope it makes you think a little bit about that person you maybe don't know or understand too well. Oh, and by the way- who is to say that the way our plumbing is set up is the right way anyway. Ponder that for a while. GB Scott

50% or 80%? Crazy Numbers Either Way. Part I

2010-04-18T21:38:00.004-05:00

I have said many times over the course of my writing that these stories are meant for anybody and everybody. However, upon reflecting on tonight's topic I am quite sure that it may be very hard for many of you to feel or appreciate what I am about to share.

Before I explain this I will share with you some pretty common yet possibly startling statistics. The divorce rate overall in America hovers right around fifty percent. A staggering number to be sure. Among families with an Autistic child that number jumps to as high as eighty percent. Eighty percent! Some journals have it higher and some a bit lower. There is some disagreement on these numbers but it does not take away the premise I would make- families living with special needs in the household have a sadly high divorce rate.

But why are the numbers so much higher? I think much of the reason lies therein what you are up against- A 24/7 presence that is part of who you are, what you are and what you do. You CAN'T walk away from it. Some do and that itself is sad. Do I understand that? I am not sure I do. We have joy, love and much happiness in our home but it is still a trying environment that deals us challenges and struggles every day.

All families have challenges and struggles. Financial, grieving, infidelity, lack of love, envy and greed are just a few. These things can all tear a family apart. Many of these are things that may be chosen or have thrust upon you. How you respond and what you choose to do can make or break you. Most people would probably be able to see and feel these things because they are so common in our culture and touch many of us.

What about the trappings of special needs under your roof? Weekly doctor or hospital visits. Incredible medical and drug bills, also on a weekly basis. The minute by minute need and care that a special person can require. Dealing with ISSUES. The sheer exhaustion is what T said about this when we were talking recently. You just get tired. Every day. Some days it is the same thing and others days something brand new. It is so important to recognize and predict. To tell the signs and keys to our environment. This all helps us to be best prepared to handle it, move on and keep the harmony.

I love my life, my wife and my boys. I love my God, my Faith and my friends. To fully FEEL or UNDERSTAND what I am getting at, try living with a friend or family member with special needs for a day or two. Then I think you might be able to get what I'm talking about. I really am not trying to be a dough head. I hope I am not coming off as insensitive but for the longest time I tried to believe we were no different than any other family. For the most part we ARE just the same with one small part that's a bit unique. That small part, that special need- it's a bear. It may seem small but it is powerful and can pack a mighty punch.

We try to choose our battles with the Auzman. Somethings your typical kid would do we just have to roll our eyes, chuckle and let it slide. With our son, if you disciplined, corrected or made a point out of everything we maybe could or should have then we would never get an hours sleep. So we choose. We have gotten much better at this over the last couple of years. In the past so many small things had ruined an entire day or a night out. After many years of trying to change things and fix things we now have so much a better understanding and recognition of what matters and what is better left alone. Will getting upset make this better or trigger the meltdown you know will come?

We have come together in an ever stronger way to be not just a family but a team. A unit that is in it all together. It's not a bowl of cherries but it works better every day. We are finding out what works and what is not so good. We are for once letting people help us and even getting time for me and T.

Our Faith in God, the love for one another and our family and the desire to be a family in a Home is what keeps us strong and fighting for the next day. I think we finally see what our roll in life is about. There is so much more to it than US. It's not figured out by any means but at least we know we are trying to make it real, to make it work and be right in the eyes of our higher power. I know that if we follow these rules and live right, with love and grace then we will be the happy, loving and blessed family for many more years to come. GB Scott

Austin Time!

2010-04-17T00:04:00.002-05:00

There comes a time when one must put aside all preconceived notions and accept that something is not what it seems. I think many folks have a notion of what Autism is but rarely does one truly understand it until they step outside of what they see on T.V. or read in an article and actually learn something- make an effort and try to KNOW what it is. I was in that same place just a short time ago. I had my ideas and perceptions of what I thought mental health issues like Autism and Turret's was all about. My beliefs, much aided by the things I mentioned- T.V., movies and the occasional article I would read.

PERCEPTIONS ARE REALITY. If we think it then it is true. This is so very common in our society. Think about some of the things you know and imagine that your knowledge is based on these types of sources. I don't intend to get so philosophical here, but it just illustrates how a lot of what we think comes from outside sources, so you may actually have to use your brain to figure it out.

All of this I bring up today because I was in the category that had the stereotypical view of Autism and special needs et al. The things that make autism what it is I learned pretty much from either watching something or reading it somewhere. I had no real personal experience with any of it so those things were my exposure and my perception- reality. I understand this and think it is fair.

I thought autism was like the character Dustin Hoffman played in the movie Rainman. The character was crazy smart with his memory, numbers and trivial knowledge but couldn't toast a piece of bread on his own. Many folks will commonly fall into this type of thinking. I am not at all speaking for you but many people tend to lump the behavioral conditions together and only see one face. Guilty as charged.

Even within the label of autism, Austin may look and act completely different than a person you know that has autism. You are right. The spectrum is a wide umbrella encompassing many signs and presentations. This is what can make the disease so difficult to diagnose and treat.

Austin does struggle with social skills- everyday. He would still prefer to be with adults than hang with his peers. He is much more comfortable in this environment. He has several repetitive motions, gestures and words and sounds. Again, I think many of these has a calming affect on him. Because of this we tend to let Austin roll and just work it out. Second only to the social skills are Austins' obsessions. This is an area we work on everyday. From his fondness of food- major obsession, to his Taj Mahal spectacle of his room- obsession is an understatement. His compulsion to do something out of the blue is so spontaneous to the point of disbelieve.

But tonight the trait that keeps running through my brain is Austins' regard for time. Again, please understand that these things my not be atypical and like the autistic person you know. I have shared with you how you can't tell him when something is happening in five minutes or in five months. You will never here the end to the questions of when, when, when. The time I am referring to here is just time in general. The way Austin sees it.

At least twice a week Austin will be a real crab and hard to get out of bed. Then once he is up he will rush at warp speed to get ready and downstairs. All the while I get myself ready. I finally get downstairs in time to get the boys to school. Logan will be watching the tube after munching on a poptart and I think Austin would also be doing. But no, at five minutes to eight, he is cracking open the last of ten eggs into the pan with a half a pack of cheese and three cut up jalapenos for his ultimate omelet. We are ready to walk out the door and be at school in time in five minutes.

Austins response- Dad, it's all good man. Just mellow out and relax. I throw my hands up and resign. It happens every other day and it is just so hard to fix. How do I deal with it? Obviously, starting with direction and by helping I show him what I want him to eat etc. But it never just goes that way. Getting angry results in meltdown mode and a lost day of school which can in turn throw curves into T's day. So, a lot of the times we just mellow out and relax and yes, be late. Logan is a trooper and I love him for the consistent face of calm that he routinely is.

There are also the other times where he is SO jacked up that you can't stay ahead of him. If it is something he is psyched about and on his fun agenda then his demand for urgent punctuality is a must have. Like the pendulum- from one side to the other. Austin can be a human roller-coaster. This is tough to measure and gauge and to anticipate which one you are going to wake up with. The nature of the beast so we smile and try not to be surprised.

Will it be "Hammer Time" where all bets are off and his tail is on fire or will it be "Miller Time" where everythings groovy man and school can wait. We'll get there mom - what's the hurry for anyway? I love school but I gotta eat dude. Although I think I would prefer for my own soul the Jimmy Buffet way and "Miller Time" it must be said that the "Hammer Time" and gettin er done that we should be shooting for. I think.

There is so much more to the makeup of our autistic son but I wanted to share some of the pieces and parts that make it so much fun. I jest, but a real key to living with our special needs son can apply to all in similar ways. You have to see the THINGS for what they are. They can not be hang-ups for you- points of anger and frustration. If they are you will fail and all will be miserable. As hard as it may be these are things to be recognised embraced and dealt with the best way you see fit.

I would only hope that these stories can be read and something good come out of them. Maybe someone can read something that helps them see something from a little different perspective. Maybe we see it just a tad different than you do. Maybe you have no experience with any person living with a special need. For you I would ask this. Please try to learn more about that particular need than you knew yesterday. Educate yourself on a friend or loved one living with a special need you really know nothing about. Try to understand and appreciate how different your life is and what you could possibly do to make someone elses a little better. Just learning more about a need will make you a better person and maybe a better friend to someone you don't even know yet. God Bless....all done- "Austin Time!"

"To whom much is given, much is required"
Scott

Time Out

2010-04-15T22:33:00.002-05:00

Hello folks. I made a decision a few days ago to slow down a bit. I started out two months ago like gangbusters. I have been spending almost two hours a night writing and I just can't do it every night. Not for a lack of material but because of time and so many late nights. So I plan on posting about 2-3 times a week. I think this will help me keep my writing sharp, entertaining and informative and not feel compelled to just hammer something out just to get the days post done. I think it may hep build a bit of suspense maybe and keep you checking back. Please continue to check the "Austintistic" page on Facebook as I keep everyone informed of general stuff regarding Austin, Autism, OI, Heart scares, funny times etc. I will post tomorrow- "Austin Time" will be the title. Informative and comical. Please join the Facebook page and although there have been issues with the blog and comments.. Just click the "comments" button underneath a post to write something and click "follow" to join the blog. Many folks have said they couldn't do it but I think it's good to go now. Thanks Scott

To Lead or Not To Lead?

2010-04-13T22:04:00.003-05:00

Yeah, yeah, that's the question. How do you discipline something that responds with laughter, emotion and attacks of loving kisses? You lead and do so boldly has always been my motto. Take the bull by the horns and be the master of the domain. I rule the roost and all under the roof shall abide by my and T's laws or it's the highway baby. Is it affective? Not a chance.

Sometimes I get the strange feeling that our oldest son, Austin is from a different place. I don't mean a city or a state but a way way different place. Neptune or Saturn maybe. Before you go rippin me for that let me try to esplain Lucy. I am trying to paint a picture here and I think E.T. is a good prop to show the unique similarities. So work with me here. Just like in that movie, E.T. shows up on the scene- every buddy freaks out and has no clue what to do. What's it thinking, wanting or needing. Is it hearing you and understanding you? Is it dangerous and does it mean you harm?

In a since, Austin can be like that favorite movie alien character, E.T. Austin of course is not a foreign alien presence. He can speak English quite well and his aural capabilities are pretty much good to go. I don't believe he means us harm, at least most of the time and he is not very dangerous. Then why do we have such a difficult time getting our autistic child to HEAR us, SEE us, UNDERSTAND us and behave in the way WE feel is appropriate?

It can be anything from putting a dish in the sink to just staying in his bed for the night. One of the most common things for him to do is to crack up laughing and turn the whole event into a stand-up routine. Over-the-top laughter that many times is really too irresistible to not join in. This hilarity is more out of frustration than comic relief. You just have to walk away or it will happen.

Here is a short story that may show you how Austin sees things Austin's way and how I handled it. At the top of the stairs is a humidifier that we have had running all winter. Like many people, we have the weird habit of liking the white-noise a fan or humidifier makes. Austin obviously feels the same. We stopped running it weeks ago as the need no longer remains. But Austin can not do without the sound. Who cares about putting water in it, it makes THE sound. I LIKE the sound. I would turn it off. He would turn it on. Back and forth, it went on for an hour. Just as I wrote this sentence I hear, CLICK- hmmmmmmmmm. The beautiful white noise and the patter of steps. Sneaky.

This is all my fault. The frustration and bit of anger I could be feeling are not deserved in this case. Austin was just being himself. I could have taken the darn machine out of the hallway a couple of weeks and problem solved. But noooooo.

They say an old dog can't learn new tricks, right? Were you thinking of Austin right after you read that sentence. I actually was as soon as I wrote it. Kind of like pointing a finger at someone- there are three fingers pointing right back at you know who. Austin is just being who he is and doing the things he does. I think it may be ME that needs to step out of his box and learn to get into his and see from his perspective.

It reminds me of an element in the aforementioned friend of ours, E.T. and Eliot his new found friend. Why did Eliot get along with this alien he could not even communicate with or understand? Maybe Eliot didn't have the preconceived thoughts and processes an adult would have had in a similar situation. Think about what Eliot did.....he did communicate with E.T. He learned to work with him. Not in the sense that looked anything like what we see as normal but, he got out of the box and learned how to make it happen.

Maybe we need to embrace and accept these things more often. Shower him with the hugs and kisses but learn the things that allow us to make things stop or get done. Austin does do things he knows very well are wrong and he just pushes our buttons but.... Maybe we need to be a bit more like Eliot and get out of our own boxes and get into HIS and try new ways to work with and help him. If we don't understand him then how can we help him? Long live Eliot.

"What If He Wasn't......."

2010-04-12T22:43:00.004-05:00

I have troubled over this question for a few weeks now. The question is whether I would still be learning and desiring to be an advocate for my son and special needs if he was a typical fifteen year old kid. I think it is a fair question for any body living with such circumstances. It's a quite stupid question though. None the less, it is one that I have thought of and pondered for a time. The question actually is not very fair. Because in our case it is a totally hypothetical wondering and it just does not apply. But I have to try to get it out and see if there is an answer.

Why did the question pop into my head in the first place? I think as I have been doing research and learning more about my son and his particular needs it has sparked both a curiosity and a goal to be the most educated and able parent I can be to my boys while being the most prepared and capable to address all of Austins' special set of unique parts. It literally just popped as I thought about all I am doing and if it was right and good and worthwhile. It was like, "Does this really matter, what I'm doing?"

I am not writing tonight to give you an ER moment with another crushing injury to his bones, or a comical episode or even a struggle to watch Austin pain with the obsessions associated with his autism. Instead I just have to get this out. To share with you my answers to this question in order to help me better understand if I really do get it. Make sense?

Ask yourself this question: What would you do if you were in our shoes? I know it's probably pretty easy to say what you may be thinking but how do you really know? I know most all parents will absolutely put the well being of their children and loved ones as priority one. But still, another hypothetical right? I'm not sure if I know the answer to this question yet. I really don't.

In fact, I SO don't know the answer yet that what I am writing tonight is straight from the gut and slightly off the cuff. Not in jest but simply what I am feeling is going down on paper.

I think the biggest step forward was my acceptance. I recently trained a new team member out in the field with my work. She told me she had some relatives that were in such deep denial that it was having a horrible influence on the family and more importantly on their teenage autistic child. They would not even listen to the doctors with this autism diagnosis. I understand this. But the more I have learned and grown though our hard work, research and great medical care we have seen that we were blessed by the steps we chose to take. Only now do we know that getting the diagnosis even earlier and commencing treatment steps even earlier too could have had an even stronger bearing and affect on our son.

But denial was only a point in time for me. It still doesn't fit in to equation of answering the question. Would I be doing anything different or care any less about special needs etc if we had average and typical kids?

We all have our crosses to bear and our struggles that challenge. We ALL have them. So is there a difference with a family having and dealing with special needs compared to the family that has a huge challenge of their own? What about the family in which a loved one struggles with the addiction to drugs? What about a huge financial crisis or a debilitating terminal disease? I think these persons too can have and often do get into the mix and become advocates and supporters just like people with "special needs." I am not saying these things are just the same but do see them both a potential life-altering events that if NOT addressed can bring a house down.

The difference can be made however, that the disease or near financial ruin can often times be fixed and always worked on and managed very effectively. Addictions can be a whole other kettle of fish so I will leave that alone. With a child or adult living with a special need such as autism or OI like Austin has, contrary to what a famous actress believes and promotes, I don't believe today that we can change the chemistry of the brain. A`s we sit today there is not a cure. To say that you can fix this or that through diet and other holistic means....great to try as an additive but to pin your hopes on this I think is a false hope. I veered off a tad there. Sorry.

We DO live with our special needs every day. It doesn't go away or clear up over night. Some days are better but it is still there and how we choose to live and live with it is the key to understanding what the deuce we are doing. What we got was Autism, Osteogensis-Imperfecta and genetic heart defects. That's a fact. We, however much we would love to, are not advocates for JRA or lupus or any other life changing condition. We got what we got so we chose to do what we chose to do based on the fine hand we got dealt. I guess that kind of answers the question. And in the end it just doesn't matter....The question that is.

Because if it did....I don't think we would be the parents to our kids that we are today. T, to answer that one question we have thought so often.....We ARE doing a great job. God Bless. SL

Tomorrow night. Possibly how T and I choose to "cope" or Exactly how do we discipline our autistic child. Maybe something totally different. Oh, the first time he broke his nose at 8 months old? Naw, I will wait on that one. come back and see.

....and so much more.

2010-04-10T21:09:00.005-05:00

O.K., here I sit. I still feel like a junk yard dog after a downpour and a rumble with a grizzly. I don't feel so hot. But, I must get back on the correct throne and persevere. Tonight it is not so much about special needs as it is about me getting the poo beat out of me by an unseen foe and living another day. I guess the "so much more" can entail whatever suits as is the case tonight. I know this is not the crucial entertaining bits or the insight into the autistic mind but since I'm not feeling too chipper I felt like kind of chuckin it tonight and catching you up on my last 72 hours.

We were a part of a group from church that got tickets for what turned out to be a phenomenal concert in Council Bluffs on Thursday night. We all caravaned up and had dinner at Famous Daves. Walked over to the Midamerica Center and saw Caleb, 10th Avenue North and Casting Crowns(christian rocks top dog). The Crowns were the main draw and they WERE awesome but I felt 10th Avenue was even more amazing. For those of you that have never listened to Christian Rock you should give it a go. On top of it being a great concert there was no pot in the air, no drunks throwing up in a bathroom(see later) and the overall demeanor is kind of what you'd think it would be-civilized.

Near the end of the Crowns I told T I wasn't feeling so well. Due to certain circumstances, T and I ended up in the second row center seats. The seats were as good as they got. As I had this gnawing feeling slowly ebbing in my gut I just new it was not going to turn out good. I made it through the concert. And then made it to the nearest bathroom( I don't drink so don't even think it). And then thought I could drive home. We made it til about a mile from the rest stop on 29. Have you ever blacked-out? I had two momentary spots right upon approaching the rest area I thought I was going to. I did not faint but I can't believe how strong an event something as simple as getting sick can be. Scared me to death.

We finished business there and T brought us down the road with only one additional stop. She took me straight home and then took the rest of the kids in our car home. I got into bed. I was freezing and could not stop shaking and all the other yuck stuff, you know what I'm talking about. I never get sick let alone have to go to an ER. Hey! I have plenty of experience with the ER but it's never me. I threw in the towel and Teresa demanded we go. They were perplexed as to what the devil was in me. Ha ha. They even did an MRI. Since I was truly racked with pain, ran a fever and all the other muck they just kept me and told T to go home.

So all they came up with is that I had a true Super-Bug. We all ate at the same restaurant with the same kitchen so they really were stumped as to what hit me up side the head. I sit here tonight after having my first real meal since Thursday morning. I don't count Thursday night's wonderful dining.

All I can think about over the last couple of days is how much I hurt and how it really blows to have this illness inconvenience me. As I think about these things I have been pondering all the different topics and things I want to write about. And then it hits me. Getting sick, the flu, or whatever bug is about as bad a thing I have to really worry about in poor little me's life. Heck, I know It's going to be gone and over soon. I'll be feeling better and like new by Monday. So out of all this crappiness since Thursday more than just feeling for myself I have learned a little more about that thing called perspective thanks to my little friend and son I call Austin.

Austin can't just wake up one day or wait til Monday and his O.I. will be gone or his Autism will magically disappear. He owns them. Like luggage. They are his for life. I will always get colds and illness's but I pretty much know I am going to get rid of them. So as I sit here being I wimp, this time, it has really given me a poignant albeit a bit awkward piece of introspection, learning and growth. I, like most of you, have hiccups in the road. We always will. But for Austin and many other special people who you may or may not know, they take what they have a grow stronger and smarter because of them. Just like Austin.

I would like to share with you some words that mean a great deal to me. It is a song. They come from a solo effort of a member of THE greatest rock band of all time. If you need some help with this and think it's Celine Deion, sorry. I can't help you there. This song says it all and I can still cry any time I listen to, play it or perform it.

Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run
And your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer
Everyday, in every way it's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Out on the ocean, sailing away
I can hardly wait, to see you come of age
But I guess we'll both have to be patient!
Cos it's a long way to go! A hard roe to hoe! Yes it's a long way to go
But In the meantime.....
Before you cross the street, take my hand
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

Darling, darling, darling
Darling boys.

I will write again....

2010-04-10T18:05:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the delay. I will be back tonight. See you then. Scott

He's Not Special.........He's....

2010-04-07T22:06:00.002-05:00

A good and dear friend recently told me something that I have been thinking of for a few weeks. He said to KEEP writing, don't stop and make sure you stay true to the people who are reading your work. I think I now realize what he was eluding to. As long as I keep doing what I am doing I will be staying true to what I want to offer while continuing to provide what I said I was going to deliver. I have a lengthy list of topics, moments and material to choose from. I have a little over 15 years of material to choose from so I don't think this should be a problem. However I think that all the post's about specific events can only get me so far. This blog is about living with, enduring, growing and understanding a moment in time with our family who just happen to have some challenging and at times unusual circumstances. So, even though I have plenty of broken bones and hospital visits to entertain you with I think the real heart of my book and this blog IS and will continue to be exactly what it says in the soon(fingers crossed) to be title of my book, "AUSTINTISTIC- Stories of Faith, Courage, Struggle and Hope."

Is Austin special? Duh! Of course he is. But, no more special than Logan or his mom or any kid running down your block. He was born with some things that make us live life a little bit different than the average bear but don't we ALL have our challenges and obstacles? I think yes. I have said since the first words I typed and it says it in the title of the blog something to the affect of Austin having you stop and think and maybe learn a little something about yourself. I don't want this blog to turn into a love fest of tears and heartbreak. Far from it. Yes, there are true tears and heartbreak. But, what matters is how we move forward and how we DEAL with it. How we learn and how we lead- our children and are led by our faith. In the end if we can answer to that truthfully then I think we all have stayed true.

I recently overheard the boys and some other kids talking about some different friends. Without getting into details I will just say that some words were said that were not very nice or at least sounding a little harsh to me. Kids I know can be very honest(read brutal) and quick to criticize but I held my tongue and waited to see where this led. Austin and Logan hadn't chimed in yet and out of the blue Austin says, "You know, maybe it's a time like this that we need to be their friend instead of being mean. You guys are being mean." What it was about and what was said doesn't matter a lick.

Austin in his funky quiet calm mumbles this out and then he's done. Profundity at its best. He says about ten words and I think he covered all I could have told the kids in the forthcoming speech I was ready to give. This I see relates to so much of what I have pondered about of the goals Austin has in life as a fifteen year old boy. He just wants to be friends. With anyone and everyone. Color, age, race don't matter. Why argue when you can be friends?

Teresa pointed out something that fits perfectly with these thoughts. Austin does not like it when he sees people picking on others. Special or not. It doesn't matter. He doesn't like to see people being bullied, made fun of or picked on. He gets very upset to the point of meltdown. Even more so is the effect achieved when he knows that HE is being treated differently because he is DIFFERENT. I don't mean in a mean way here but even when it is just that he is being treated different because of a common stereotype. He's got special needs so we gotta treat him different. Did that come out right? He just wants to be treated like any other kid. There is a BIG difference in treating someone in a way that that is respectful and courteous vs winging it and putting a new set of rules in because they think he is slow or fragile or he doesn't understand.

There are many thoughts to juggle here because he goes to school in the mainstream (with modifications), but Austin only wants to be known as an eighth grader who is going to be in high school next year. Please just treat me like you treat everybody else. I think this is a pride thing as well as a little bit of competitive verve coming out in Auz.

Isn't it amazing being able to learn from something you don't understand? I don't understand why Austin is Autistic. I have no clue as to how his mind understands things. I know for sure he gets to the same place we get to but he simply takes a little different path. Maybe a brighter one. As Lisa V. once said, "Maybe the perspective through his eyes could be something we maybe all could learn from." Maybe if a few more people saw things through his eyes our world might be a little brighter place.

No, he's not special....
He's....
COOL BREEZE. It's an old saying from a college buddy of mine that jumped back into my brain one recent day killin time with Austin. I think it truly describes what Austin really is. Cool Breeze. Say it....Hey Cool Breeze! Cool Breeze. Ain't that cool?

The Devils' Grip

2010-04-06T22:29:00.004-05:00

Mom, I really hurt. What is wrong with me? Mom, please stop this. I didn't do anything wrong. Please make it stop. Oh, I am so sorry. I am sorry but it hurts so bad. These were the tear-soaked words coming from our son Austin sometime in the middle of the night two summers ago shortly after getting back from a trip to the Carolina's. Something was definitely wrong with Austin and Teresa had no earthly idea what it was. Having dealt with the last twelve years til now, the course of action was pretty clear. E.R. All I had to do was listen to T and her tone said it all. I was traveling out of town. Remember, her gut instinct is ALWAYS right. So they were off the the hospital only minutes later.

That next day he seemed fine but then the pain came back with a vengeance. They were transported by ambulance to the Children's Hospital in Omaha. He had been treated with some pain medicine in the hospital the prior night but there was no true revelation as to the origin of what the deuce was going on. Pneumonia or some other upper-respiratory trouble was the educated guess they came up with. Austin had a terrible headache, chills, incredible pain all around his chest, back and stomach. He just felt horrible. He would burst into racks of pain and just that fast again they were gone. It was agony just to see. These throes of discomfort came and went but he kept a calm demeanor, really showing how strong the kid is and remains today.

The following day the cardiologists thought he may have what was called, "Devils' Grip." This is a cardiac condition commonly thought to be from a virus. Some time went by but they decided with Austins' background of medical trauma and conditions that they wanted to probe a little deeper and try to peel back a few more layers to see if there was something else causing all this. They scheduled an MRI. The pictures did not show a pretty picture. They showed what looked like a mass or some obstruction behind his heart. The concern was obvious- they scheduled him for a second open-heart surgery. Oh man......not again.

We had the time for surgery in hand and prepared as best we could for another trial much like we had experienced when he was 4 years old. Remember some of my posts talking about BAD days. Austin has plenty to complain about but he has ALWAYS stayed true and strong and funny. However, just prior to it actually happening, the doctors instead wanted to try some other tests and diagnostics before they cracked his chest again. We thank God they had the fortitude to stop the press, step back and focus on all the issues to make sure(confirm any suspicion) they were doing the proper procedure and therapy.

He did have a mass behind his heart, yes. It needed to be addressed, yes. Open-heart surgery, NO. Thank you very much. They determined this mass was blood. Blood was slowly leaking into the pericardium(sac-like lining of the heart)causing inflammation and the resultant pain and symptoms. This was serious but not having the ordeal of the surgery was a minor victory.

Upon those further tests it was determined that his sternum may have had a very minor crack and with some unknown movement or trauma it had pricked the pericardium starting this chain of events ending with the blood flowing into the lining. There were many things to be concerned about from general infection to pericarditis. Surprising to us all was the course of action. Rest and a mix of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. All turned out well in the end.

But how did it happen? During the hospitals visits Austin was very shy about anything happening. We thought it may have occurred at the beach when he got hit by a rogue wave or maybe when he got a bear-hug from one of his cousins. Or maybe even a playful punch on the same trip. Austin then opened up and told us he went off the high-dive(a no-no) while attending a party at the city pool. He did not want to tell us because this is just one of the things that Austin truly loves to do-swim. He was so scared we would be mad and he would not be able to swim again that not telling us was best. I guess the only thing in knowing how it happened helps us is that he stays away from any type of diving board. Otherwise, it had no bearing on his injury. All we wanted was to get him fixed, again, and get him home. And we did.

So, do you thing walking down the street is a privilege or a right? Do you take for granted the air we breath or the freedoms we have? Do you really care that we have a safe school environment or that people care about you? Do you dread taking the trash out or having to stand in line at the grocery store. Do you complain too much and not smell those roses? Those all, of course are quite rhetorical. But to Austin many of these things are answered very simply. He lives life every day with simple expectations and huge amounts of happiness and joy. He REALLY does smell the roses and the air. He enjoys the sunshine and the moon. His expectations may be simple but that joy and happiness are higher than most mountains. I think his priorities may give us all direction we can take to heart.

Take a lesson from the Austin playbook- stop fretting and complaining about the trivial crap we all so often do and enjoy all the small things we have. Live them! Not the material and vain possessions we own but the soulful, harmonious and glorious things. The things you can't touch but the things you see, feel, smell, hear and taste. He's all about that. Just ask him. Really, just ask him. He will tell you......

Hornets' Nest and Beyond

2010-04-05T22:24:00.003-05:00

What can Austin do? How or when did you know he was different? Is he one of those savant things? Does he have any habits or things like that? He talks pretty good. He doesn't cuss or yell too much.

All questions I have been asked in one shape or form many times over the years. This is why the education of our country and the world in general is a matter of great concern. Why? Because as I posted days ago, this disease is rapidly becoming one of the fastest growing and biggest threats to our children. Not in a dangerous way but because so many children are being diagnosed AND of the idiopathic(no known cause) nature of Autism we simply can not leave it unattended. All you have to do is turn on the T.V. or read a paper. Autism is a big deal.

As to those questions.... What do you mean what can he do? No, he is not a savant in the nature asked from the perspective I believe of most folks who see RainMan the character in their mind when asking. He does however have some unique traits I will illuminate you with shortly. I will also share when we thought things were different in a bit. For the quality of his talking and the common conception of all autistic children cussing that to I will further talk to next.

The first few years in elementary school in Charlotte were at Hornets' Nest Elementary. Austin was a happy, energetic if not overly so youngster. Miss Love and Miss Stauffer are the two teachers I remember the most. At this age we had NO idea Austin was autistic let alone anything else. Slowly we began to get reports about Austin wanting to stay inside at recess and be with the teachers or he would tend to play by himself and be alone. At this point it was not a big concern.

You have to understand, and I think this is why detection, early on is critical.... The process for us was a painfully slow one. The onset comes at you in dribs and drabs. It is not like you wake up one day and all of the sudden, "Hey, I think Austin is autistic, don't you T?" So before you know it a year has gone by and then two and so on. The earlier the diagnosis I feel the better chances for intervention and the ability to take effective measures is or could be pivotal.

I did not want to think anything was wrong. I worked and traveled extensively and what I tried to do was not think and it would magically get better. I felt for many years in fact that things would change as he got older. Even just recently I have had those same thoughts. As he gets older he will have a better self-understanding and know how to act, to play to do whatever. And to a point I DO think that as he matures and his skills sets as a young adult begin to grow he indeed will learn to cope and deal and live life as he should.

Austin was very hyper but the world we lived in tens years ago is much like it is today with respect to ADD and ADHD. I just thought he had some of that whatever it was and Ritalin would probably fix it if it didn't go away on it's own. That was obviously not the case.

No he doesn't cuss. You must remember that Autism is a spectrum. Think of it as an umbrella under which sits an array of signs and symptoms that make up the global condition we know as autism. Of all the types of autism Austin having PDD-nos, Pervasive Developmental Disorder- non otherwise specified means this: He has a little bit of EACH type of autism in him none of which stands out or is more profound than the other. So what you have our people who can talk at a high functioning level such as Austin to completely non-verbal. Under the Asperger's label you can see kids with dramatic repetitive movements, gestures and verbiage. This all adds to the tough and brutal nature of this thing called autism. You have a disease that has no known cause at the same time how it presents can be very very different but no less challenging.

Austin does not swear, in fact he gets mad with other kids that do. It really makes him angry and he wants them to stop. It's not anger as much as it is upset. Swearing and lewd, crude behavior really sets him off and if not acted upon can turn into a really tough situation.

He does speak pretty well as many of you may know. He sometimes speaks really fast or sometimes so softly you can't hear him. But overall we are so blessed that he can communicate with us and you. Many autistic people are not this fortunate. He has many interesting words and phrases. I have shared some already. It seems to me that the repetitive nature and almost chanting quality tends to have a soothing, calming affect on him. Other times the screeching and gibberish can occur in a frenzied-type meltdown where it is often best to let happen and run its course.

Is Austin a savant? No. In the common understanding of the term Austin has no known super-powers. He can't levitate or fly or play the cello like YoYo. He can't count cards like RainMan or tell you what happened in Times Square on a given date and time. Again this is a perception(which is so often confused with reality) the general public believes. It is easy to understand given the movies and news special spending so much time on many of the more unique and dramatic cases. It to sells better than the run of the mill autistic story if there is such a thing.

I do think there is an unknown talent or skill that we have not seen or has yet to present itself. Austin has always had an affinity for doing puzzles. He, when he has committed himself to it, can spend hours on a single puzzle. I say this because he is just as apt to open a puzzle, fit one piece in place and move on to something entirely different. That's just the nature of the beast. But when he does get locked in to a puzzle something especially when he was younger took place. He would always start the puzzle from the middle and ignore the edges like most people do.

In some of his earliest testing he was shown to have a very high aptitude for tanagrams. You know, the geometric pieces that you have to put together similar to a puzzle to match the picture that is shown. In those early days of testing he was shown to have much of his strongest efforts and scores in these areas concentrated on one side of the brain. For the life of me I can't remember which it was. R or L. 50-50 chance but I just don't know. I think you get the point. His artistic and creative skills plus the visual deduction are finely developed and present themselves in an unusual and interesting way. How can he use his brain to put together a complex puzzle like a tanagram yet have trouble deducing the key points and takeaways of a given paragraph from a popular book? Figure that one out.

Since he was very young Austin has had an unusual ability regarding memory and judgement. We were at the Children's Hospital in Omaha a few years ago and when we had blood drawn Austin knew he had the same lady that did it well over a year ago. He described to a T what she had been wearing and that she changed her hair color. He does this often. He will tell us something and we have no idea what he is talking about. Or he will say something that makes no sense at all. Months later we will read or hear or see something that proves Austins' point and we just look at each other and can't believe it. He just processes and translates different than you or I.

Thanks for staying with me tonight but I think it's good information. A final point. Ever since he was a toddler Austin had a very keen ability to spot character and judge people. We have seen this demonstrated over the years many many times. It usually presents itself most evidently when the given person does not show up in a favorable light on his internal radar. He can spot a bad character from a mile away. There were times where a babysitter or a teacher ended up not being a good person to be babysitting or teaching a special needs child. He would comment early on that they were not nice people and they scared him. We of course first thought he was being rude or naughty. But enough times of this coming to fruition has me convinced that Austin DOES have a built-in BS detector. His really works.

There are so many ways an Autistic person can present to the world. There are endless shapes and sizes and flavors to this disease. That is why education is so important. I hope some of these words help you not only see Austin for what he is and is not but also how you judge all other people with special needs. Do yourself and all a favor....Try to learn something you don't know today about autism or any other special-need. It will do the world good in a world where much is needed. Thanks and Good Night to you. Scott

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T22:42:00.003-05:00

I hope your Sunday was a joyous day. For me and my family it was such a wonderful weekend. Seeing friends and family and remembering what THAT day was all about. Life is good and precious. See you tomorrow. gb Scott

All In Time....

2010-04-04T00:37:00.002-05:00

Tonight I sit and try to find some clinical if not scientific data to share and support my thoughts on some point regarding my sons bones, brain or magnificent heart. But, alas I feel the purpose of tonight's words do not require me to get that deep nor shall I try to make a case study of words to enlighten you a little more on the special needs which absolutely need the attention of all good people. Instead I shall bring it down to the level which feels right and honest and good. From the gut, the heart, how it touches me and lets me share something I think will touch you too and maybe let you see that the physical, and other obvious challenges can pale in comparison to the ones that affect Austin most deeply. It is late and I feel in quite the philosophical mood tonight so I will wade right in as not to put you under.

Driving a car after getting ones permit, dating, riding around town, being the star running back on the football team or being a wrestler. All things Austin will never be able to do, maybe. Just the other day I saw one of Austins' friends, Paige, drive by with her mom and she's in the drivers seat. I'm thinking she recently got her learners permit. A few weeks earlier his best friend was so excited because he got his permit after failing the test the first time. He was so pumped. I paused, it took me aback for a moment. Today, there is no way Austin can be behind the wheel of a car. Not gunna happen. With that it opened the floodgate of thought and I sat there envisioning all the things he may not be able to do. Ever.

The physical things are pretty easy to grasp and understand. He gets hurt, falls or is tackled he could break bones or worse. Those are pretty much no-brainer things to accept. So with Austin, the bone and heart issues on top of his autism, it just makes for a lot of stuff that limits him. Even with these particular challenges there are people like his teacher Curt who has made him the track manager. He loves it. He had him as the cross-country manager as well but we may try to let him do the 50 or the 100 if possible. He wants to try. We would love for him to try. People like Curt care and are trying to really get Austin into the most mainstream path as possible. This PEER acclimation is important and becoming ever more so. For this we are grateful.

Austin asked me a while back when he was going to have a girlfriend. I didn't know what to say. I know one day he will have a girlfriend. And one day he will be married and have children possibly. But today, like the drivers permit, he is not ready for those things. His comprehension, maturity level and understanding is not where his peers may be. Maybe Austin's' silver-lining to go with this is that he will also miss out on some of the silly teenage headaches that accompany such things.

I'm not even sure what I am talking about tonight. I get caught with these left field questions from Austin and they stop me cold. Sometimes I just don't know how to respond. I am sitting here thinking about all of the things he does while Logan is doing his thing and the other kids his age do what they do. I see Austin riding up and down the street on his Trek Cruiser. It makes me smile. He doesn't just ride a bike. He RIDES a bike. He gets on the bike shorts, the helmet, gloves, neon biking shirt, water bottle as if he's off to meet Lance on le Tour. But what makes me smile the brightest is seeing the look on his face. He couldn't get a bigger grin. Up and down the street. Up and down and by the way...the coolest part...the bike has a bell. He rings it every peddle stroke of the way. I don't need to keep an eye on him. All I need is to keep my ears open.

What does this all mean? I think this past year and going into this next year has been and will continue to be very momentous times for Austin. The separation among his peers has really risen this year. But I get the feeling that it doesn't seem to bother him a whole lot. There may be that day where more of the things do become issues for him. Like the girls and the jobs and so on. So maybe I am the one that needs to get a little reality check and take my ego and pride out of it for a while.

There ARE stages, like anything else when it comes to a disability(bad word I think) and I have thought I was in the acceptance stage but as I learn more about Austin, myself and our challenges, maybe I have times that I slip back and forth between the acceptance and denial stages. I don't know. I know Austin will go far in life whatever it may be but maybe Dad does let his pride and ego and crap get in front of things while all I needed to do was maybe listen to Austin instead. Maybe this is one problem that is mine not his. Maybe the uneasiness I am feeling right now as I write this is telling me something. I think it is. Maybe Austin knows that all the things that he DOES are the things he is SUPPOSED to be doing and DAD needn't feel sorry for him. I know he probably wouldn't say it with those exact words but the sentiment would probably square all the same.

Thank you for letting me share this. I hope you understand what I am trying to say in this post. I know I have figured something out. A few pondered questions were answered for me tonight. Something become clear to me as I have been pounding this out. Thanks for letting that happen. Night, and as Austin would want....have a Joyous Easter Sunday and smile and laugh for goodness sake dudes. God Bless

DaDunt DaDunt DaDunt.....

2010-04-02T23:02:00.003-05:00

Da DaDaDaDaDaDaDunt......I will get to this in a few moments. But first, Can I let you in on a little secret? Getting out of town, to a nice hotel with no kids, animals, dishes, laundry or phones.... As they say on the MasterCard commercials, priceless! Do you know what I hear? Nothing. Pure serene quite. Ahhhh. I love my kids more than life itself but I think this is kind of alright I say. I don't remember the last time Teresa and I were able to actually get away, leave the kids and be gone for a night.

This would not have been possible were it not for the incredible friends we are blessed with. Jim, Logan as you know is a piece of cake. Give him a bag of puppy chow in the corner and he's good to go for a week, maybe more. Add in some "Call of Duty" or "Halo" and you may not hear him for ten days. Logan is a confident and self-sufficient little dude. Austin. Well, let me tell you what we did yesterday.

We had Mary and Bob over last night for dinner. Turkey burgers and RANCH of course. It was a great meal but not the main purpose for the get together. We had to prepare Bob and Mary for the ensuing 24 hours. Don't get this wrong. When you have Austin one-on-one he is really very, very easy to handle. But still, we had a grand strategy session to go over meds, meals and all the little things they may encounter and be surprised with. His rituals and the routine is sometimes an amazing thing to experience which I am sure they in fact experienced, say about two hours ago. Even with him being a Marine I think my friend JarHead Bob could very well meet his match with the AuzMan. We are so thankful for them and know they will have a splendid time. You know they will have some stories from this short time worthy in any of my posts. Austin has a way of making any and every moment......a moment.

So we get to our hotel. This is so.....different. So foreign. We are Alone. It's just me and T. Were not in Europe or even a place requiring a plane or a train. But we are away. So the first people we see are some friends from home who had just checked in to the same hotel. Stay with me it gets funny, funnier at least. Kris was Austins' special ed. teacher at Inman Primary. She and her husband had just checked in. They came back down to leave and their car was dead. Completely dead. We did end up giving them a jump.

As we were letting the car charge-up we got to talk for a good bit. We had earlier mentioned Austin and Logan and the book I have been writing. Later when we came down and gave them the jump, T and Kris were talking about some of the posts. They were recalling things Austin would do or say and Teresa mentioned the post about watching what you say or do if Auz is in earshot. Kris had to laugh and then shared with T a story that occurred one day while in class. Austin must have been about 8 years old. He came into class one morning and was in a normal way. Which of course means he was either really on or really really on. I guess he was really really on. Kris, I hope I am doing this justice as I am relating your experience here through Teresa. So if I falter at all, my apologies.

Here it is. Austin would not stop singing this song. Stop where you are and go back up to the title and first line of the post and sing through it. Go ahead, do it. I'll wait. Go UP on the "Dunt." Do you have it yet? DaDunt DaDunt DaDunt..... Kris said it was the "Mexican Wedding Song." I always thought it was the theme from the "Munsters." Anyway, he would not stop. And the more he did it I am sure the funnier he thought it was. I am still paraphrasing here, "Austin, I can not have you sing that song one more time today." O.K. O.K. I will stop Mrs. Kris. I'm sorry.

A short time later....Kris blurts out.....DaDunt DaDunt DaDunt. She couldn't help herself. And then the whole class was singing it. DaDunt DaDunt DaDunt. For the rest of the day the darn Mexican Wedding Song was heard and felt. After arriving at home she informed her husband that she could not hear that song ever again. Looking back it's a pretty flippin funny moment.

Chris went on to say that that is one of the endearing things of the special kind of person Austin is. She continued to say that he can take the most profoundly simple and mundane thing and get a piece of Joy out of it. Wow, maybe a theme is present here. As trying as times can be with our Auzboy, you can't help but surrender defeat and just join in. Even as we sit here tonight our thoughts our with our boys. What are they doing. What are they saying. I laugh as much when they are not with us and were reliving these types of moments. Logan is of course being his cool little dude self. But Austin, I am dying to know what he did to Mary and Bob. I am confident in the debriefing we will get a full rundown of their experience and have a few rich moments to share with all.

Wouldn't it be great. I just heard that line in a t.v. commercial and it stuck in my brain. It felt right so, wouldn't it be great to drop your burrito on the floor and think it was a scream? Wouldn't it be great if he locked your keys in the car and thought, O.K. that's funny, what should we do dad? Wouldn't it be great.....Wouldn't it be great if we ALL could laugh a little more and love a little more and live for the Joy like our man Austin does?

DaDunt DaDunt DaDunt. Sing it Kris, this ones for you. DaDaDaDaDaDaDaDunt!

What IS Autism?

2010-04-01T23:25:00.008-05:00

Well, do you have a good answer? Do you? I don't. And the real crazy thing is that the experts of the world don't really know either. They can't really pinpoint exactly what it is or why it occurs. Look it up. Google it. Scour the medical journals. A crystal clear definition is not to be found. Autism is known as an idiopathic condition, no known origin. Many experts in the field will candidly reply, "We don't know." The honesty is a bit refreshing at least.

I asked a few people today what they thought Autism was. Their thoughts were pretty much in line with the experts. One friend of ours said he thought it was where the wiring was just different than ours. In the brain that is. I somewhat subscribe to this myself.

The text book definition goes something like this; "Autism is a word used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders. The other PDD's are PDD-nos(non otherwise specified which Austin has), Rett's Syndrome, Aspergers Syndrome and Childhood Disentagrative Disorder." Hmmph. Syndromes, disorders and conditions. Not a disease though?

This condition is something that our world needs to REALLY take a look at and pay close attention. One in 110 children worldwide are currently being diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. It seems to occur in boys about 4 times more often than girls. The rate is one in 70 for boys. There are currently between 1.5 and 2 million children in the US and tens of millions worldwide. The rate of growth of this disorder is at about 10 - 17% a year, growing and all with NO explanation as to why.

Much of this information I obtained off the Autism Speaks website. It is a great resource. The site goes on to show information that many feel there may be an early childhood inflammatory condition of unknown origin but still they can't say for sure. At least some of the early days explanations have been debunked. Cold and unloving mothers was a common phenomenon that left many folks ridden with guilt. It really was thought of that way during the early days of autism. It seems to me that increased quality of diagnosing and environmental issues may be wherein lies the potential start point.

As for the brain being wired a little different, I have always believed that Austin was simply blessed with a brain that was indeed wired a bit different than mine or yours. His noodle just processes and computes DIFFERENTLY than typical. But what does it really mean? In the grand scheme, what and why is Austin different than you or me? To me it matters not.

Who is to say that he computes and comprehends things just fine but has a difficult time in the translation. He gets it but when its his turn to get it out the process just gets a little goofy. You with me? Austin IS different. Therein lies the key to all. How can we get into his brain, his world and learn to be a part of what he hears and sees and thinks? A few people have made comment to this affect over the course of my writings and I have come to a great big conclusion.... Getting into Austin's world(brain) IS the key to peace and harmony in our house.

Why is he autistic? Only God, the big man knows. Did he make Austin wrong? Was or is this condition a malady, something that is bad? NO. He did have an injury as a baby but we will never know the answers to any of these questions. Still, it matters not. I do think our Higher power made Austin exactly like he is and did it on purpose. He didn't make a mistake or have an "oops" moment. I, we have to believe in our faith, and what it tells us is that Austin is Austin and we needn't worry otherwise.

Have I mentioned that during the efforts of the past month or so I have been able to really see into who our son is and have actually been able to answer many of the questions which I have had such a hard time with. Your comments, the introspection and familial experience from this whole blog-thing is truly helping us see our son in a little bit of a different light. Big pause.

Austin is and was a God-given gift to us and to you. For you that know him all you need is to spend a little time and see the joy he provides. He will light up the room. It may not always be pretty. And it may not always be quite. But one thing is for certain; Austin is just fine the way he is. I wouldn't change a thing about our son. Well, maybe if he slept in a little later, now that would be cool dude.

Have A Little Heart

2010-03-31T22:02:00.007-05:00

Autism consumes our every fiber. We all live with Austins' disease and try as we may to learn new ways to tame the beast. It is sometimes cruel and unrelenting. The more I learn about this terrible and often sad condition, Austin shows us all that it will be O.K. I try to step into his shoes if even for a moment to appreciate what he LIVES with. This ain't a part-time gig, he is living it(ain't is a word by the way, spell check showed me how I DID need the comma-I never actually speak the word but it seemed appropriate here). I, the selfish person sometimes forgets that Austin is the one living WITH it and I am the one simply thinking of my own comfort and dealing with it.

I shall digress. I visited some websites regarding autism tonight. Some made me happy while others turned my stomach. The cruelty in some people just amazes me. That is why I WILL continue to write this blog. Where it goes I don't know. But I truly hope this blog, as a tool can help at least some people in some small way. For me, the enlightenment of writing and reliving these stories has truly been cathartic, joyous yet sometimes unbearable and sad.

Back on track....It is easy to get lost in the environs of autism in our family to see the forest of the other parts of life. Austin juggles not only Autism but also his OI- bone disease and his very special heart and its problems. I want to share with you something that happened about ten years ago......

We took Auz to his pediatrician for a checkup. He was about four and half years old, almost five. It was all very routine. Check his weight, growth etc. He had been having over the last year or so many upper-respiratory infections(rsv) and issues so it was good we were going in to just make sure things were groovy with the Auzman. Things were! Yeah! We headed for the door.

"Teresa, Scott, Hey you guys come back in here for a second. I just want to check one more thing with Austin." Huh? O.K. Dr. Lillian had dragged us back in the office and began listening to his heart. Again. This went on for several minutes and then a little more. She had her husband, her partner also come in and listen as well. We were almost to our car and she had come out to retrieve us and she later told us that she just didn't feel right and something was bugging her about what she had seen or heard during Auz's visit. So we sat there wondering what the world she was doing and thinking.

She heard a murmur. It wasn't very strong and it wasn't very easy to notice, but it was there. She then explained how a murmur is not a physical structure or a part of the human anatomy but simply a "sound." In this case the sound of flowing blood through an opening. Due to the murmur being faint and hard to identify, she was concerned that it was a BIG murmur(hole). Only then did the physics of it all don on me. A small hole leads to more compression and a louder sound leading to a murmur easily identified. A larger hole leads to less flow and compression thus you have a very faint sound of murmur. At this point she wanted to cover all the bases and be safe. I concur.

Thank God for Dr. Lillian and her peeps. Austin was immediately scheduled for open-heart surgery. Because of Austins' week bones, he has very little enamel on is teeth. As a result he had a tooth that had to be capped before they could open his chest. What our doctor found was a murmur for sure. A LARGE hole in Austins' heart. An ASD they called it. Atrial-Septic-Defect.

We checked in that morning to the hospital and he was in surgery a few short hours later. About four hours later Dr. Watts came out and told us he did perfect. I'm sure Austin did but what I was thinking was that I hoped he, the doctor, did perfect. He told us about the heart and how at that age it was about the size of a plumb therefore a very precise and delicate procedure for all the things he had to have done. All the THINGS. What is up with the plural doc? He also had a transpositioning of a couple of the veins. There were two veins attached to the heart that went to the wrong chamber. He had to relocate them, essentially flip-flop them. Blood was leaking into a chamber that should be clearing the blood out and the other one was doing the opposite. All problems fixed. Dr. Watts had the hands of God with him and our baby was going to be fine.

What amazed me was the duration of stay. We stayed in the hospital for 3 nights and then we sent home. The doctor told us the huge scar would be there for a while....life. Also the sternum he had to crack and then wire back together would actually be stronger than it was before the surgery. Cool.

Do you know Austin? What kind of heart do you think he has? If you know him of course that is a very easy question to answer. He has a bigger heart than I will ever be able to have. He gave a part of his heart that day on the table in the O.R. just as his does every day that he smiles his smile and laughs his laugh. And yes, he does think the chicks dig his war wound.

Tomorrow starts Autism Awareness month. If you know someone that has autism, give them a hug and tell them something nice. I will post tomorrow about what Autism means to me and my definition of what I think it IS. Do you really know what Autism is? Right now, ask yourself that question.

Off To School We Go

2010-03-30T22:58:00.011-05:00

O.K. So school is and should be a save haven for our children, right? Yes, it should be. And I would say in most times and circumstances that is the case. When you think of safe I know it is easy to understand what you think I am going after here. A place to go where physical harm and a students well-being is paramount and at the core of what a schools offering should be. Again, I think that exists in most schools in cities and towns all over the land. But what about when the school itself is an obstacle to a child's well-being and overall welfare? Just to be clear....this post takes place well before we even considered moving back to Iowa. And, the school system our children are currently enrolled in is a fine example with teachers and administrators that have bent over backwards to learn and accommodate Austins' special needs. We ALL have learned much about Austin, Autism and special needs at a time where the need is very great.

So, when Austin was going into the third grade we were very excited because he was excepted in to a magnet school that, at least we were told, was a school ranked at the top of all North Carolina grade schools. We were ecstatic and couldn't wait for him to start. We were still at a time where autism was not in the picture but we were still swimming around in the alphabet soup of ADD, ADHD, OCD.....etc.... So far he had been a pretty good student. Keep in mind, he is seven years old.

Things changed very quickly. We ended up having a meeting take place with the principle, teacher and other staff. I was snowed in up in the mountains so I unfortunately missed it. They told Teresa that they had done an IEP on Austin and some additional testing and wanted to share the results with us. I remember getting a call from T that night. She was extremely upset and just didn't understand. She couldn't believe what took place at the meeting and why they did what they did. She then explained it to me.

The administrators showed T some graphs and charts and numbers mapping out how Austin had done on various tests and skills. The average number was a 59 or something like that. They told her he was one point above being categorized as "retarded." That was it. Meeting over. Teresa did not here another word the whole meeting. They called our son retarded. That was all she could say to me. Over and over. As this was transpiring they got T and me to agree to getting him to a school that would cater perfectly to our and Austins' needs. We reluctantly agreed and sign the appropriate paperwork. It gets even better.

We went on to learn only later from a few teacher we new outside the school that his numbers were a reason they wanted him "out" of this school. This was a trendy, upscale school and there numbers/grades were there baby and they were just protecting it. Disgusting.

We did end up enrolling Austin in the school we were referred to midway through the year. Austin had loved the school we just left. Even with his struggles the boy just loved school. We get to the school for the first day and as we pull in T just knows we made a big mistake. Austin said he didn't like the place as we pulled into the parking lot. Afterwards T just sat in the car and asked her self again, "What have we done Lord?"

Austin was to have an IEP with mainstream classes and a para. What he got was far different. HE ended up in a trailer in the rear of the school. It was basically hidden away as far from mainstream as you could get. It was small. It was segregated and it was not bright and cheery. It was DEPRESSING. What did we do? As to the group of his peers. I am still PO'd at this. The trailer consisted of mostly DISCIPLINE-issue kids and a few kids with severe mental incapacity's. They sent the worst trouble makers and discipline offenders to this trailer with a handful of children who really needed specialized help, like Austin.

The affect on Austin was immediate and profound. He became more aggressive and moody. He was paranoid and scared. He cried and fought with us and his brother like no other time. He told us he was dumb and retarded. That's what the kids called ALL of the kids from the trailer. Weirdo's, dummies and retards. What a nightmare.

To combat what was occurring the neurologist made some adjustments to Austins' drug regimen. We know now that she went WAY high on one of the meds. It was a very potent Parkinsons-type med and the affect was all too sad. Austin had a severe reaction shortly thereafter during school. He was drooling and had his worst seizure to date. He ended up in the hospital to "detox" and start over all medicine therapy. Going forward it was almost unbearable to watch. We again encountered people, this time educators who told us we need to work on discipline and be a little tougher on him. Our child was in a school setting that he AND we just hated. We felt like we were trapped. This was indeed a nightmare. We talked to the prior school and all of the sudden they wouldn't give us the time of day. Amazing.

A few months later Austin ended up in the hospital again. While at a friends house we found Austin underneath a chair in the fetal position. Crying and drooling, totally inconsolable. He had what was at the time called a "nervous breakdown." HE WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD! A nervous breakdown?

We then experienced things that at the time were just plain baffling. Soon after getting out of the hospital for the second time there were some subtle changes in Austins' behavior. Changes we just didn't see coming. I noticed that for several days Auz asked me to help him tie his shoes. T told me a few days later that he said he forgot how to brush his teeth. And then he forgot how to comb his hair, he needed help. What is going on? These basic things and several others were just GONE. He forgot how to do them. Our psychiatrist, that we liked very much by the way, explained to us at that time that this can be a very common occurrence based on the events he had recently lived through.

Did a school put its own academic record and grades above the welfare of this child? Did this action put us in a position that led to this child's misery and misfortune? Did a school put its own standing in the states ranking records ahead of one of its students? Did a school throw less fortunate and discipline kids into a trailer to hide an unsightly problem? Do some people have their priorities ALL wrong? I don't know the answer to these questions but it only makes me wonder. Can some people be that way?

Shortly after this school year came to an only too-soon end did we make the move to Iowa. God's country.

Mama Knows Best, Really

2010-03-29T22:02:00.006-05:00

I can say this with a straight face and clean conscious; listen to your mothers. They do know best. I am talking about my mom surely but not just her. All moms. Including my kids mom. My wife Teresa.

I think back to when Austin was an infant and he got really sick for the first time. We called T's mom as well as mine. They both gave the exact same advice. We of course followed it. There were times we were told to dissolve a peppermint in a baby bottle for a tummy ache or use these glycerin suppositories if the baby was constipated. I have to tell that the first time I tried this constipation thing with Austin I ended up with a Baby Ruth bar in the palm of my hand. I will not elaborate. Mothers are wise.

Only since starting this writing have I only truly appreciated just how special my wife is in this whole family thing we got going on. Only now do I see that things were held together and kept afloat with her taking charge and setting the course. She didn't always make the right decisions or choose the correct path but she did one thing always. She made decisions and she tried and she cared about it all,

When Austin was a toddler, Teresa really thought there was something just not copacetic with our little bundle of joy. I just thought he was, as I have said many times, a goofy silly little boy. No big deal. No harm no foul. I traveled a lot as I still do. T was at home and with the kids 24/7. I was not. Then something happened. Teresa heard about this thing we'd never heard about before. Asbergers. I remember seeing it in a magazine but didn't pay much mind to it. Not Teresa. She got on the Internet and really dug into all the information she could get her hands on. She dug in like a dog on a bone and tore up the airwaves trying to determine just what was up with our son. Me? I just thought he was hyper. OK, maybe ADHD or something like that.

NO. I didn't or couldn't listen let alone accept there was anything wrong with our son. Yes he may have been an extra active kid, but so what. Lot's of kids are like that. It doesn't make our son much different than the average kid does it? She kept beating the drum though. She really thought Austin had this thing called Asbergers. Huh?

So I guess today. After many many years I know now that I was in full-blown denial. Holy cow. There is something WRONG with our son? It can't be can in. These moments are still crystal clear in my mind. Some I would like to forget. I remember being told that our son needed to be spanked. Beat his butt. Come on guys work a little discipline. He's just spoiled. These types of comments and direction came up often and continued for several years. I saw this same sentiment being echoed when T and I saw Pitcher Curt Shilling and hiw wife describe the exact SAME comments and input from friends etc.

What did I do. I bought into this direction of discipline. We have never been big on corporal punishment. We have never been big spankers or punishers. In fact, the few times we tried this it only inflamed things to a horrible level. So we tried other things. We on a handful of occasions took everything out of Austin's room. Everything. We took away toys and wouldn't let him do certain things. It hurts just to recall the futile efforts we were trying. We were flailing around like the proverbial fish out of water. We did not know what to do.

This was now the first time I started to see that something was just plain different with our oldest son. Logan on the other hand......All I had to do was look at him the wrong or right way and he would behave. Austin was different. Maybe Teresa was onto something. Maybe she was right all along. Maybe there was something to this Asbergers thing she had been hearing and reading so much about. O.K. Of course she was right.

But she just knows things that I can't know. I think all mothers and wife's can do that. Guys.....your wife knows more than you do when it comes to your children. Listen to them. She will tell me that Logan has a fever and a rash and we should take him to the doctor. Me....lets see how he is tomorrow. Of course he ended up having RSV. Or Austin has a bruised hand and she thinks it is broken. Oh, come on. Let's wait and see. We ended up in the ER. Broken bones in the hand thank you honey. See the pattern here?

Fast Forward to today. She was right all along and it initially pained me to admit there was something, anything less than perfect about my child. But there was. I think back to the failed attempts at discipline. The times we tried to get him to behave with less than mediocre results. We were approaching our Autistic boy from our perspective. We were not in HIS world. All the things we were doing were failing and we had NO idea why. I think of the frustration and anguish Austin must have been feeling while we tried to get him into order. The guilt still remains for the time I bought into that and believed what others said in regard to raising our child. Believing our son needed spanked and he was just spoiled. He is spoiled, but no more than Logan or any other kid who is truly loved.

Teresa, you were right. I love you.

It IS A Beautiful Day!

2010-03-28T19:36:00.004-05:00

And it is a day of REST for me. See you tomorrow. Or as Austin would say, "Shezbot, Nanu-Nanu!" Scoot

Surely You Jest!

2010-03-27T23:48:00.002-05:00

Austin has a burning passion for all things HATS. He doesn't wear one to keep the sun out of his eyes or for protection. He doesn't wear one because he loves bass fishing or is a Jeff Gordan fan. He wears them because they mean something to him. Not in the same way you or I would wear, say, a Red Sox cap because we love Boston. It is much deeper than that. He wears a hat because the connection to the specific hat is strong and it is meaningful. The hat is part of his being. When he dons a hat it is because there is a need or a time or a place that that hat needs to be with him and him with it. His hat is not an ordinary hat. No, not by a stretch. It is worn with reverence and with pride.

The JESTER hat to most folk is only just that. A brightly colored, goofy looking jester hat. Incorrect fine sir. There is a reason I have chosen the picture I use at the top of my blog and it's not because I want to profess my adoration for Cape Cod however much I do adore it. No, it is because that silly, loud and goofy piece of head wear stands not just for Austin but more for who and what he IS.

In Austins' own words its just, the "Austin" hat dad. The colors, the sparkles, the tassels with the prickly balls on them and on top of that, "The chicks dig it."

Austin acquired the Jester hat while vacationing in Cape Cod a few years ago. We were in Scituate Massachusettes visiting relatives and seeing some Red Sox games. One of my cousins took Austin and Logan into the harbor for some food and fun. While there he spied the slightly famous hat in a store window and in an instant knew he had to have it. Thank you Wendy. Since that day the hat has been a fixture in his room and on his head.

I must say that early on there were times where I had a bit of embarrassment for Austin HAD to wear it everywhere we went. Everywhere. This is one predicament I soon realized was one that need not be fretted upon. I quickly saw what the hat meant to him and why it needed to stay on his head.

On the way back we stopped in New York for a night. We stayed right on Times Square at the Marquis. I was thinking to myself.....The people, the noise, the bright lights and action. All of this stimuli with an autistic child. What were we thinking? I needn't worry. He was grinning from ear to ear at the sheer display of mayhem and chaos that IS Times Square. The boys were in stimulus overload and loving every minute of it. And then the hat makes its presence felt.....

While in the Toys-R-Us Austin and Logan ditched us while looking for something and T and I had a moment of pure fright. This was the largest store of its kind in the world in the largest city in our country and the boys took two steps and we couldn't find them. And then, shining brightly, displayed and worn proudly upon Austins' noggin is the Jester hat from across the way. The Jester hat proved to be the beacon of light that we honed in on to find our silly boys. They were having a blast and didn't even know we were looking for them. They were exactly where they wanted to be and never moved. It was us who got confused. We were the ones who were turned around and forgot where we came in the store.

And on the street, in New York City, the middle of Times Square.....person after person stopped Austin. They just had to know where he got the boss hat. The comments and fawning over his hat was pretty cool. Of course he thought it was extremely fine and nifty for all the girls that talked to him.

-It makes me happy. I feel good when I wear it. I don't know. When I am not sure, I wear it. When I don't know what to do, I wear it. It just Rocks- These are all things Austin said when asked by me to describe what this hat meant to him. For me there are some other words to get a line on what it means. The hat brings Austin joy and bliss and calm. He feels comfortable when he has it on. There is a sense of security and things will be alright when he's got it on. When he wears it he feels better and it just feels good.

Here is where I think you may want to listen closely. Austin wears the hat because it is his and he loves it for some of the many reasons as I have noted. The comfort, pleasure and joy of wearing something as simple as a hat can make his day complete. You may think it is dorky or silly but maybe a look in the mirror can tell you more about the person staring back and thinking that than the kid who loves his life just the way it is. I USED to think that hat was quite silly but soon learned how something we all might think trivial can change your world. He will keep wearing the hat I am sure, and I will continue to love seeing him wear it.

After all, if a preacher can wear Austins' jester hat for a church sermon and a school principal can wear it for a Homecoming parade I think maybe Austin knows what he is doing. A trend-setter and he doesn't even know it. He can affect you in the subtlest of ways. Not even knowing he is doing it yet having a profound impact on the moment. This hat stands for Austin and all he is. Believe it.

I love life. I truly do. More than I ever have and trying more everyday. I only hope that one day I can get to the "Austin" level of living and loving life. Never, ever change yourself Austin and Carpe Diem Captain! He will, will you?

AUSTIN, The Top-Ten List

2010-03-26T23:26:00.009-05:00

2- "I LOVE.... THE WAY AUSTIN EATS"
Austin will take a meal, whether it's oatmeal or a full-on gourmet meal and turn it into an experience of epic proportions. The event, if you will, is choreographed by him to the perfection of any fine feature film. The ritual, pomp and ceremony of an "Austin Meal" will feel like a night at the Ritz. The piling of the food way high and the efforts made in creating the spread are more important to him than the actual gastronomic moment. He will actually eat very little of his bounty. Austin is obsessed with food, but no other food more than "RANCH" dressing. We gave up trying to figure that one out ages ago. It will go on everything but cereal and ice-cream. Everything. We get the dry-mix because the bottles just got too expensive. Oh, and he does grunt when he eats. Don't let it alarm you, its kind of unusual. Its all part of the process. It is a process. One that, once it starts you are best served to get out of the way. He will not hear, see or recognize you. He is gone, he has left the building, he is in Emiril Land.

3- "....THE WAY AUSTIN SLEEPS"
O.K. Not so fast. It's not for the reasons you may have so quickly jumped to. Austin is a kid who prepares for bed every night with the precision of a well-oiled cuck-koo clock. The pillows, the sheets and spreads, the 8 water bottles he likes to have near him, they ALL must be arranged and done in fashion and sequence every night. If he happens to stay at your place, a somewhat abbreviated effort WILL take place. He will make an inverted U-shape out of about 6-7 pillows at the head of the bed that he cocoons himself in followed by the phalanx of blankets to bury himself. He does get to bed pretty early by most family standards. And he sleeps HARD. I only wish I could attain the coma like state he achieves, it looks so peaceful. So in the end it is a little bit of a Calgon moment when the dude man finally does call it a day.

4- "....THE WAY AUSTIN DRESSES"
Church, a school program or a party; it doesn't matter, Austin dresses to the nines. He will always wear a tie, mine. Nice wing-tips or Cole-Haans, mine. Belt, mine. You get the picture. All of my really cool stuff seems to end up on Austins' back. Well, he does have good taste. We are very proud of the way he wants to present himself in a time where so few do. His studly little brother included. His newest fashion gotta-haves are his skinny suspenders to go with these crazy skinny funky turquoise jeans. They broke his mold for sure.

5- "....HIS LOVE AND KNOWLEDGE OF MUSIC AND FILM"
One of his prized possessions are his collections of DVDs and Cd's. Again many have been pilfered or disappeared from my collection under mysterious circumstances. At least I know where to find them. His passion for these is admirable and intense. He of course listens to them, but even more so are the efforts and rituals he takes to KNOW it man. The cover art, actor names, band names, venues and my fav...the movie quotes is truly amazing. IE: We recently had several friends over and we played the popular inter-active DVD game called "SCENE IT." It was the 80's edition. He schooled us all. Even me and this was my era Spicoli. He knew it all. It was really crazy. It got to the point where we all just sat back and howled at his exhibition and know-how of all things 80's.

6- "....HIS LOVE OF LIFE AND FRIENDS"
All you have to do is witness Austin as he goes about his day and you can see that he is truly O.K. in his skin. HE absolutely has his moments where it is near Armageddon and also there are times where a melt-down will ocurr. But to see him live life can make you wonder what he is doing that maybe you could be. Why is he always laughing? The smallest of things. HE has an infectious smile and laugh that will only make you smile in return. He will. Sometimes out of frustration but still.... I will say it again, Austin only wants to be happy. He only wants to love you and be loved. And be friends with ALL. He makes it easy to see why bein happy is better than bein sad. He makes the world a better place and his smile and laugh will brighten any room. Check it out.

7- "....HIS EXCITEMENT FOR STUFF"
He has a way of getting you to say yes. Kind of. He will ask something and if you say maybe he will raise both eye-brows up and down and say, "Oh, come on. Come on, that's a yes right?" "OK, then its a yes", he says. His energy and pinpoint focus on his goal is admirable but sometimes leads to frustration. But the way he goes about trying to get YOU to bend and get his correct response is mind-boggling. Its not so much that I love this every time he does it, but its just the fact that you know its coming and its like a slow dance and he pushes all the buttons he thinks are the right ones. So far he thinks he has us talked into a Camaro for his 16th and a trip to New York to go cooking with Emiril Lagassi or Mario Batali. He left those discussions with HIS YES.

8- "....HIS EYEBROW LIFT"
I did mention this just a bit ago but it is worth repeating. His newest BIT is the raising of eyebrows in unison. He does it in a quick and repeated manner and HE thinks its the most comical, hysterical thing in the world. He really thinks it helps him achieve his goals whatever they may be. It is something that is hard to see and NOT keep a straight face. He does add the Cheshire Grin to it for added affect and that just makes it even more ridiculous. In the end its just a wonder to watch him turn the simplest of moments into joyous times.

9- "....WATCHING HIM DANCE"
Just watch him sometime. He WILL get your attention. Nuf said.

10- "....HIS EYES AND HAIR"
Because of his Osteogenisis-Imperfecta one of the unusual signs are the beautiful blue eyes he has. Take a look sometime. One of the most common Med-School boards questions is what disease causes THIS kind of eye-condition? What I am referring to is his Blue-Sclera. An affect of this rare bone-disease is something called "Blue-Sclera." It causes a thinning of the outer most layer of the eye, the white part, called the sclera. This enables the deeper layer, the choroid, a highly vascular layer to be closer to the surface. The result is a dramatic change in the coloring of the white part of the eye. You see a chalky gray-blue color that you rarely get a chance to see. Take a look. As for his hair. He wants to grow it out to look just like Sean Whites, the famous snowboarder with the flowing red locks. He has gorgeous wavy hair, kind of like I USED to. Nice do Auz.

bakers dozen

11- "....HIS HUGS AND KISSES"
Austin loves to give and receive good hugs and kisses. You listening Logan?

12- "....HIS OCD MOMENTS"
I know T loves this one. He will get on rampages and attack projects with the force and energy of a Cat. V hurricane. Spring cleaning, sign him up. The spice cupboard needs rearranging, he's the man. I know, sometimes his OCD is a tough thing but sometimes he just makes for a really good hired hand. He is now learning the value of a dollar so enlisting him for these times does cost the old moolah. More power to him brother. The only drawback is when he sees fit to clean the kitchen and decides that ALL of the kitchen needs to be reorganized. He may do this when we are busy somewhere else in the house etc. We find him in the kitchen two hours later and we wonder where to find a spoon. See, his idea of organizing and T's idea of proper placement don't always coincide. So we have kitchen utensils and supplies we often only find weeks or months later.

13- "....AUSTIN MEWING THE LAWN"
THIS IS WORTH THE PRICE OF ADMISSION. HE truly is a hard worker when he gets IN THE GROOVE. When he WANTS to do it and NEEDS to do it just get out of the way. Imagine Edward ScissorHands and Forrest Gump all rolled into one. This could be Austin doing the lawn, or as they say down south where T is from, "Cuttin the grass." Grabs the mower, head down, stiff-legged and FAAAAST. Did I mention that Austin could never really stay in the lines when he colored as a child? See where I'm going with this? There are NO lines on a lawn. So when you cut him loose with the mower it is a pure mowing frenzy. A total mowfest. Grass and weeds shutter at the sight. Left, right, backwards, u-turn, loop-dee-loop and back again. The first time I witnessed this, T came out to see what was wrong with me. Logan and I were on the ground in what she thought was pain, agony or injury. But in fact, we were laughing SO hard we were near wetting ourselves. It was flippin funny stuff. I will NEVER forget the first time he took the reigns and wanted to show DAD how it was done. I am crying hysterically as I type this because it was just one of those moments.

And the number ONE thing I LOVE ABOUT AUSTIN.......

The way he makes every thing just a little bit brighter.

B - H - B

2010-03-25T22:30:00.002-05:00

Well, I think that about covers it all. Don't you think? BHB. Sounds like a designer steroid or something doesn't it? Austin has a pretty special...... Brain, Heart and Bones. The only thing missing is the largest organ of the body. Any guess? I will give you the answer at the end.

Each night I try to write about something that we and Austin have experienced throughout the last fifteen years. I use our real life examples to try and show you moments of faith, courage, struggle and hope. As I have heard many times, it's hard to really make this stuff up. It's actually about 99% accurate. The times I am wrong are when T corrects me on the details like the day it happened or whether he broke the left or right arm. So much has occurred, the shear volume of STUFF that it gets hard to remember things like how many months old he was when he broke his nose. I say about 6 months but I am sure T will tell me he was 8 months and two weeks. But in the end the point or moral is what I am trying to share anyway. I have to really search my brains hard-drive to recall so many crazy things.

So, which of Austins' special needs is the hardest, easiest, most frustrating or what? In dealing with all of his needs which is the one that consumes us the most? At first blush it might be easy to say that Austin being autistic is the easy answer. I think it qualifies for my vote for many reasons but when you step back many things can be pondered.

Austin has broken his back twice. Is this the worst thing in the world? Kinda. Is it life-threatening? Kinda. Many months in a full torso cast. Yeah that kinda blows. Devil's Grip? That too was a tough one but that's a story for another time. It actually turned out to be something much worse and I will explain at a later date.

Open-Heart Surgery, yep. His sternum cracked open from top to bottom. An ASD fixed as well as two transposed veins. Pretty intense but is it the worst thing in the world? UhUh! At the time we were beside ourselves with fear and uncertainty. Was it life-threatening? Another yep. Thank God, and we do, we were at one of the top Pediatric Cardiac Hospitals in the country. This did much for our state-of-mind. Although later I found out just how small a five year old heart is it made me thankful that there were some questions I never asked and therefore never heard the answers. Oh, they did wire his chest back together. Said it would be stronger than before. WhoooHooo. Was this the worst thing ever though. End the end, no. Plus, Austin simply loves to show anyone his "WAR" wound. Pretty cool scar Dad. Dr. Watts is near the top of our Christmas Card list every year.

And then there is the dreaded word....Autism. Is it life-threatening? Pretty much a no there. Is he physically harmed or hurt by it, no scars or breaks? No. But is it the worst thing in the world? No. I had to pause there and really think about my answer.

Let me digress. Two nights ago someone I do not know from somewhere in Minnesota sent me an email that really touched MY heart. She made a comment along the lines of this, "It's not a disability but rather its the Ability." To further refine this point I will share something T and I heard on a show last night. The great Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Shilling and his wife were speaking about their 7 year old son with autism. Curt's wife Shonda said something like this, "We spend SO much time trying to get our son into OUR world, when it should be US stepping into HIS world." Amen. Austins' world, like the Shillings' sons is what it is. Us trying to change it is foolhardy and ignorant. The clarity and accuracy of these comments are spot-on. We try to take our autistic children and mold and shape them to bend to our will and ways. We want THEM to change. We want THEM to behave this or that way like our other child does. How unfair and selfish. Think about this the next time you spend some time with Austin or encounter an autistic person. Are you seeing that person from your world or theirs?

O.K. So each of the three blessings we live with have their own singleness of presentation, dynamics and affects. Autism seems like the easy choice simply because it is a 24/7, 365 dealio. I am still thinking about my answer to the question. Which one is the hardest, the worst, the most frustrating, the most this or that.

I think in deciding on my answer I have been trying to analyze the ins and outs of said question. For his bones and his heart, were talking about breaks and healing and scars and pain. Were talking lots of doctors, specialists, er visits and therapy(physical that is). The emotional pain and frustration is there too.

So in the end it is Autism. However.... maybe not for the reasons you think. The physical of course is not a tremendous issue like with the other two. On the other hand, emotional pain can beat you like a dog also!!! But the daily emotional roller-coaster gets the nod at the finish line. Their is albeit a silver-lining to this quandary I have posed. Yes, it is a daily struggle with our OWN self. Dealing with the mental aspect of what it is. We ALL have bad days but autism can make every day an adventure. A frustrating and sometimes suckey day. Every day a rocket ship of highs and lows. The silver-lining..... What is the one way with which these things can be best tamed? Faith. Yessiree. See yesterdays post if you need any further clarification. The silver-lining is that the one and only, bestest of best ways to live with a behavioral disease is the strength of one another, the faith in your higher power and the believe that for the Grace with which he supplies IT we can move another step forward tomorrow. God Bless.

ps tomorrow night I will delve into the amazing yet strange "Recall" that our little man enjoys. night oops, i almost forgot.........................the skin!!!

Quick note.....

2010-03-25T15:50:00.002-05:00

I have had many comments of problems in posting comments on the actual blog. I have made it very easy as I opened all the requirements to allow anyone to post. All you have to do is single-click the "comment" at the bottom of a post and that should work. I do appreciate the hotmail, email and facebook messages. I have been swamped with them. I wanted to let you know about something. When I created a link to the blog on FaceBook somehow it also created a stand alone page on facebook. Little did I know about a week ago I stumbled upon it and there were about ten people who joined it there. All you have to do is search on FBook "austintistic" and it should take you there. I am pretty psyched about this because so many of you are on fbook and would leave posts there. That is cool for me folks. By the way. The first two weeks 500 people read the blog and it is growing everyday. Keep passing it on. I am getting emails from people as far as Alaska to Florida and all points in-between. Thanks

What's Faith Have To Do With Any Of This?

2010-03-24T21:46:00.006-05:00

Someone I recently spoke to made a comment asking where my and Teresa's "God" was in all of this. It was a simple question. She wondered how much a part God was in our lives especially with all we are living with. I have said before, I don't want to get on a soap box and get all holy-roller on anybody but as I have also stated, I will respond to this and let you know the answer. I also want to say I respect and defend any one's stance on their higher power and ways of worship.

It's all really very simple. The answer to that is; Our faith and our Higher-Power is the only reason we are where we are today. Dealing with the special needs on our plate, our marriage and every, emotional, spiritual and physical aspect of our live is defined by our Faith and our beliefs system. We don't understand what causes autism nor do we know why Austin got a defective heart or brittle bones. But to think that we have been a family for fifteen years and still fight for every day it surely tells us something. To think we would be here by only our efforts without an other-worldly grace I think is unimaginable. To think that we fight the good fight and think we are doing it by ourselves is naive and utterly narrow-focused. We know that something bigger, whatever it may be may be different for you, is making things happen and only he knows why, when, where and who they happen to.

I believe that praying to your higher power WORKS. Whoever you may pray to I know that T and I have seen the collective effort as well as individual efforts and what they have done for us. By your self or in a massive group- prayer I think has an unknown and awesome affect. Of all the times we have been in er's, hospitals and doctors offices I don't know how different it would have been were it not for our Faith. More importantly, life at home is where, daily, without our Faith I think our sanity would have left us years ago and with it a family in despair, frustration and trouble.

If we simply believed all we have could be dealt with by our own moral and inner constitution fails to recognize the point. We could have survived I'll bet. But we would have been that proverbial "up the creek without a paddle." More pointedly, we would have been a boat without a rudder. We could have made it. I am sure we could have but where would we have been without that rudder of Faith?

Without getting too out there for you I wanted to make a few comments regarding prayer and group efforts. Over the years we have obviously encountered tough situations, an extreme amount some would say. All along the way we have had countless folks tell us they were always praying for us and we were in there prayers. As Austin would say, "I'm just spitballin here...", but I firmly believe that group and collective thought can influence and have profound impacts on the situations and peoples being prayed for. I know there are actual case studies out there that show hospital patients that were group-prayed for compared to similar patients who had no type of meditation or prayer. Of course in those studies there was a discernible difference in outcomes. I BELIEVE THIS. I really do. I know that I am not the "IT" in our little world. There is something much bigger than me taking care and minding the wheel.

I do NOT go to my higher power and ask him why we got what we got. Why did you do this to Austin? Why did you do this to us? There was a time long ago but what's the point. Teresa, Logan, Austin and I were put on this little spinning ball called earth to do exactly what we are doing. Everything we have from emotional, spiritual, physical and material.....we were the people, and this was the time and the place for us to tackle this unique and special moment. It's OUR lot in life. This is our lives. It's all part of what I have said many times, "It's what it is, is." We WILL and are going live the best and richest and most Faithful lives we possibly can. I DO Thank God Everyday. We are so Blessed...

Sleeeeep, neeeed, sleeeeep........zzzzzzz......

2010-03-23T22:03:00.002-05:00

I must rest the brain tonight. Austin and I just got in from seeing Logan in Honor Choir in Treynor. It was really nice. Tomorrow night I plan on taking up politics, sex AND religion. So you won't want to miss it. Just kidding. I will however share our ways of staying sane or I may give you a little run down on what OsteoGenisis-Imperfecta is exactly. Why you can't fix it and and the best way to live with it. By the way, I have not forgotten about where Faith plays into all of this. In fact, that may trump it all and you'll see it tomorrow night. Come back and see. Night. God Bless, Scott